Aspies For Freedom

I've been trying to think of advice to give nt friends of what to do when i have a meltdown and thought i should make a thread for everyone to put down something they wish the people around them knew/ would do when you have a meltdown. Then there will be a list i can use (and i'm sure it would help others ) when explaining it to nts.

The main reason for this is because i'm going on a school trip in Easter which will last a week. It is an art trip and i've found the art department at my school extremely unhelpful in regards to me having asperger's and the head of art who is nt, often trys to trigger me off and can't comprehend the fact that i can't do certain things and when forced to do them it hurts. And so i want to explain to a close friend (who i also suspect of being an aspie) who is also going on the trip what he should do when i have a melt down since i do not expect much help from the teachers and i will spend most of the time with friends on the trip away from adults. Usually on school trips i'm with my female friends( i have 2 sets of friends, one predominantly female, the other all male) and they have had experience with me having meltdowns and they are good at comforting me, they will not be on this trip and i don't want my other friends to worry greatly when i have a meltdown so i will need to warn them before hand.  I know i will have a meltdown since it will be a week with non stop socialising, late nights (i get very irriatble when tired) and no time to myself. I am worried because having a melt down at school/ around school people is the worst because they have usually have no idea whats going on and i have worked very hard to be friendly and normal to people this year at school and i would hate it all to be a waste. I also would like to point out that i am looking forward to the art trip and i'm very excited about it despite the whole meltdown issue.

I have found it quite hard to think of what would help me when having a meltdown, so far i have come up with this:

Take the person to a quite place, away from what could have triggered the meltdown (i know they can be for different reasons and so in some contexts this advice is useless but i'm thinking about the time i was in a maths lecture (another school trip) and a stupid person thought playing an electric guitar turned up extremely high would be a good way to entertain us.)

Get the person a drink, i don't know whether this would help anyone else but i find having a drink of water calming and it helps me to recover afterwards. But thats mainly because water is one of my weird things and i get panicky without my water bottle.

Physically removing a person from anyplace during a meltdown can be tricky business. Might be better to communicate "Let me know when you are ready to go" than to attempt to remove them from a place without them wishing it. With my children, I generally tell them what we need to do and to take a few minutes to get right with it. It is good if the same words are used each time, because the familiarity is calming.  For us, the words are, "You need to take a minute and get this...." Usually this is followed by "We need to go, let me know when you are ready." Then I tell anyone else who feels they need to be involved that everything is fine, encouraging them to move along -- and give the kid a few minutes. Usually, it translates into a minute or less, but it is important for my child to feel in control of WHEN and HOW. I am amazed at the dignity my children summon in such a short space of time.

I don't know how old you are. At my age I can feel the warning signs and preemptively take action. I've not made a scene in a public place since the early 90s. Yay, me!

I found an article on this on Tony Attwood's Minds and Hearts website - here is the link and link on the pdf format article - http://www.mindsandhearts.net/resources.html

thanks for your responses. I'm 16, i've become good at knowing the warning signs but i find i find it very hard to remove myself from the situation. I worry most about appearing rude or saying something that will convince the person in charge i need to leave (e.g in a lesson). When i attempt to talk i lose the last bits of control i have and i break(i can't find the right words to describe what happens). In a place i don't know it is impossible for me to find somewhere suitable to have a meltdown and i have to wait until someone tells me where to go/ what to do. I've been practising in my head at night the right thing to say to an adult in that sort of situation but i don't know the best way to  could explain it in a few words, i have found saying "i don't feel well, can i need to go to the nurse?" works but i tend to start having a meltdown mid sentence.

thanks for the link bella, some of the things are useful but i'm a very odd aspie, the best thing for me during a meltdown is to have a big hug from someone i know because it makes me feel safe and i can hide my crying in a hug.

"When I have a meltdown, I just need people to leave me alone, not talk to me unless it's absolutely necessary, and when they do talk, don't ask if I'm OK..."

yes with me asking me if i'm okay usually makes everything worse. especially if there are alot of people around all asking it repeatidly.

I find the easiest thing sometimes to do if you are not at home is to say you need to go to the toilet.  Nobody can argue with that one and in the toilets you get a place to yourself... But I know with my meltdowns, I need alone time, so I can rock and just do anything to calm myself that would otherwise appear odd to other people.  I also can't have people talking at me and find it hard to communicate.  When I'm at home I just go to my room and lie under the covers in my bed and after 10 minutes it's all fine again.  

It sounds like you might want to think up a code word for the friends that are there with you, maybe when you are starting to get stressed and see the warning signs you can ask one of them to go for a walk, as you said you like a hug. I think only one person is good though and in an away place, also I would tell them not to ask questions... That you'll talk after, but right then you need a hug and time to clear your mind.  Hope that helps.

i made some cards a while back, i'll see if i can find the original jpegs...

basically, they where flourencent orange, with a red cross on the front, and they said;

"Important Medical Information Enclosed"

they then went on to say,
"this person has Autism. if you are reading this, they are probably in the middle of what is known as a "meltdown".if this is the case, what steps should you take?

a) if there are authorities present, inform them of the situation.
b) if at all possible, allow the person some room.
c) under no circumstances, should you attempt to forcibly move the person, or touch them without invitation. some autistics may become uncontrollably violent if they are touched.
d) if possible, the person should be allowed solitude, darkness and quiet until the episode is concluded

for more information, visit aspiesforfreedom.com"

not a lot of use, but enough to allow the relevent people the knowledge ie; the police in a public location. they were the size of a credit card, and folded out three times. there was some other stuff on them, but it was about...8 months ago now, so...who knows where they are? not I...

admittedly, the cards DO contain some untruths and sterotypes- but that, in particular the violent when touched one, is sometimes the quickest and easiest way to hammer a point in.
make the definitions later.

I'm similar to you tenaciouscj but only if i'm with people i care about and can trust. If i'm with people i don't know to well then i need to be left alone.

"Did you ask the art director, if he would ask someone wheelchair bound to try to walk? You have a disability; just because it's not visible it isn't there. Some people are so immature. I mean what does this art director get off on having someone to torture?"

I don't think the head of art actually enjoys causing me distress but she’s very close-minded, because she doesn’t see a physical disability she thinks there is nothing wrong. I get the feeling that she doesn't believe that I have asperger's, which is probably because I’ve gotten used to putting up with mental and physical anguish to accommodate nts and so can’t behave quite normal if the situation is not too demanding. An example is when she decided to play her music during the lesson and she has an awful taste in music (music is important to me) and the class had to listen to experimental music, I assume her reasoning is that we would be too busy listening to the music to talk. This made me feel sick but I did the best not to let that affect my work and did not demand the music to be turned off. Although I did make a comment but that was because there was a change in circumstances not to complain. I said the music was making me feel ill, the teachers response was “don’t be so ridiculous, music can’t make u feel sick” after about 5/ 10 mins there was a power cut , I like to think the gods are on my side.

I'm going to use that reference the next time the head of art tries anything, thanks. I've been preparing myself for her behaviour because i know she will repeat her actions in slight variations in the future and so i've been running through past situations in my head planning the most effective responses. An example of one is below.

It's the end of my xmas holidays now and i'm going back tomorrow. I have art first thing with the teacher and i'm slightly worried that she will do the same lesson plan that she did at the end of last half term. Which was we had to take it in turns standing at the front of the class with our sketch books and present them to the class. And then each person in the class had to make a criticism of the sketch book and tell us how to improve it.
I found this extremely difficult, there was no warning that our lesson was going to be different from what it normally is like (doing work of our choice (and I had already planned what I was going to be doing that lesson) in our sketch books) and I had to think of criticism to say about other peoples sketch books in a very short space of time but I had to be extremely careful about my choice of words so I would not offend anyone which I manage to do very easily (offending) when I’m paying people complements let alone when I’m trying to criticise them. It made my head hurt a lot because I am not very good at talking, I often forget the words I want to use and find it hard to put what I want to say in English. The worst part was standing up in front of the class, I got very panicky when I realised I would soon be next. I nearly had a meltdown but managed to stop it which I had never done before and never wish to do so again, it left me in a lot of pain and my brain pretty much shut down making it impossible to think clearly, or to act like a nt (behaviours like smiling and engaging in small talk) which I can usually do to a certain degree of success.
Turning the pages in the right timing sequence so that everyone had enough time to look at the pages but not so long that they are sitting there wondering why I haven’t turned to the next page yet was another thing that stressed me out, I was unsure of the right time to leave the pages open and asking for help in that matter would be considered a wrong question by nts.
When I was standing up in front of the class after avoiding a meltdown, having to listen to each member of the class criticise my art work I could no longer act normal, instead I looked down at the floor, I was shaking slightly and avoided all attempts anyone made looking me in the eyes while I pretended to make notes on the comments made while really doodling in my student diary to try and calm myself down. I am very sensitive to criticisms and i'm still irritated by one of the comments that were made about my work. I feel that my fellow students had no right to say negative things about my work because they do not know what is thought good by the examiner and so I doubt the comment “I should do less writing because it looks boring” will help me gain marks for the exam.
(I usually look people in the eyes because I’m quite good at figuring out what they are thinking which I find enjoyable, if I don’t know them well enough I will look in between their eyes so it looks like I’m looking at them in the eye and so being unable to look even my friends in their eyes is shift in my behaviour)

" I get the feeling that she doesn't believe that I have asperger's, which is probably because I’ve gotten used to putting up with mental and physical anguish to accommodate nts and so *can’t behave quite normal if the situation is not too demanding"

*That should be can there

I know the NAS sell them but they're pretty awful. They just say "i have asperger's/autism, please be considerate of my needs" or something along those lines. Which will be useless in a meltdown situation or any other situation where you wanted to explain yourself quickly. I've been thinking about making cards, or more of a leaflet to explain important issues i have to do with asperger's for teachers because i find it very hard to sum it all up when i try and explain it to them.

I've had four meltdowns today in the space of only a few hours. And its all because of the stupid art teacher I mentioned in the first post. Today I had the first part of an art exam which is 8 hours long. It was the last 10 mins and i asked the teacher if i could go to the toilets to wash my hands because they were covered in glue, i needed to do some drawing and the hot tap wasn't working in the art rooms. I have reynauld's syndrome which in simple terms is very bad circulation especially in my hands and feet and when they get cold my body cannot heat it up again, causing me alot of pain. And the teacher knows this but she wouldn't let me go wash my hand because she said it would take too long which is ridiculous because the toilets were very close to the art room and wouldn't have taken more than 5 mins. A different art teacher who is very nice told me that he had a special tap in his classroom that worked so i went to use that but it was extreemly hot and i burnt my hand. There was even steam coming off the water as it was running it was so hot. So i went back to my teacher and said that it was too hot. She made a comment about me being difficult and after a while of me trying to argue my case for being allowed to go wash my hands which didn't go too well because i was very stressed and trying not to have a melt down.  The teacher was making ridiculus suggestions such as just use the cold water or try and clean your hands with the tissue. She then gave me a small bowl and told me to get the hot water from one room, then go to the other room to mix it with cold water and wash my hands like that. She also told me to calm down because my voice was wobbling when i was trying to argue with her. But not in a nice way (i tell whether its in a nice way or not by how long it takes for the words to be said).
I am currently very stressed, i have alot of art work i need to finish in my book before tomorrow when it's the deadline for the exam. I cannot do any work because my brain hurts and thinking about the work i need to do caused one of my meltdowns and contributed to others. I am not going to go in tomorrow which means i won't be able to finish my exam and therefore i will fail my art mock as-level. I can't believe this is all because the teacher wouldn't let me wash my hands and how easy it would be to avoid all this stress. Ironically i was having an extreemly good day before this.


note:I can't stand to have dirty hands, it gets to me alot.

moo, perhaps you should talk to some one else about the situation who can be your advocate -- and administrator or counselor or ?? This should never have happened and this teacher needs top be more aware.

the situation has started the process of being worked out. The teacher phoned my house phone on friday when i didn't go in and spoke to my mother who used her nt skills to make her more understanding. She now knows that i can't be treated the same as everyone else and my parents have arranged to go in and speak with her after the holidays (i'm currently on 1/2 term) so she understands everything especially regarding the art trip in easter.