That sounds like a good practical approach. He only has three days of school to go this year and then he has six weeks off. I'll have a good chat with him over the holidays and hopefully it'll sink in a bit by the time he starts school next year. He responds quite well when I explain things to him.
Thanks Tiger.
I think Tigger's approach is good advice.
I had never heard of AS when John who was then 8, started flapping ( although they called it that, he doesn't flap his hands, but does something odd with both of his hands in front of his face whilst grimacing , which looks very strange & is very obvious ).
I went by instinct & suggested that he could do more or less anything in our home as long as only we are there, some things are better done in private even at home & to try a substitute when with others'.
This payed off, now he is 17 & has always been quite happy with this compromise.
I am intrigued that you both say it's caused by excitement, as although John has always told me this, in truth I thought it was a manifestation of anxiety & as such felt that it was important not to attempt to prevent it ( of course this equally applies to any compulsive form of self expression ).
I think flapping/stimming can be excitement or nervousness. Does anyone else see them as essentially the same emotion, but on opposite ends of the 'happy/sad' spectrum? At any rate it is a sudden onset of pure emotion that flows into something... I do mine when I'm nervous. (Lately I've been itching/scratching/rubbing myself crazy...)
Really, if you substitute stimming for any other wierd habit our kids do, they all need to be managed the same way. If you're kid picks your nose you would say the same thing. (some people pull the shame stuff on that too... still bad.)
I'm so glad this thread came up, cos my 6 yr old is a "flapper" too, and I wasn't sure if I should/could make her aware of it. She flaps when she is happy/enjoying something, and head rubs when she's stressed.
I tried to tone down the head rubbing (cos of what it does to her hair), suggested she could try rubbing her knee instead, but she said she couldn't stop her hand from doing it. But I will definitely now try out you guys approach re; the flapping. Personally it doesn't bother me, but other kids are starting to remark on it.
My daughter also makes an "urgh urgh" noise while she's flapping, does anybody else do "audio extras" ?
I did ask her about flapping and she said "it feels nice" and gave me some lessons on how to do it "you hold your hands like this....."
So to flap or not to flap this is the question?
Well I sure flapped my hands when I was a kid; in fact-my stereotype behaviours involved not just hand flapping: but grimacing, crashing noises and running in circles. Stimming=self-stimulation right? Doesnt sound like its self-stimulation but rather a compulsive response to stimulations-since he flaps when he gets excited.
My daughter also makes an "urgh urgh" noise while she's flapping, does anybody else do "audio extras" ?
My youngest son now 17 squeaks a lot & ' talks in cat ' to the cats.
My son flaps a lot and he identifies two different flaps - one is for when he's excited and the other, which is slightly more vertical, makes him "feel comfy".
I've noticed people talking here about stims. What is that? Movements? My son bangs his head off things, spins on the floor and runs in circles. The last two seem to be nothing more than a way to pass the time!
Stimming is....different for each person.
it is officially "random and involuntary movements", and can include kneebouncing, chewing the cheeks, picking at the hands, flapping, headbanging, hair chewing...the list goes on.
it can be for stress, for pain, for happyness, for sorrow...its unique to each of us.
and repressing it can actually be psychologically damaging.
I was in my dorm, laying down, and I felt this energy building up,in my lower back. I started to get small shivers from the energy, so I got up, and stood for awhile trying to figure out how to get rid of it. So, I started to walk in a circle, sometimes on my tiptoes, bouncing up and down a little, to try and release the energy. I bent over to try and get the feeling out of my back, and shook my head and arms, and flicked my fingers at my sides. It made me feel much better, though I think this energy may have been anxiety. I could relax, after that.
Tigger_the_Wing Wrote:
...
I 'count' my thumbs against each of my fingers in turn.
You got me there: that's what I do, too. "To increase the flexibility of my fingers for when I'm playing the piano."
Tigger_the_Wing Wrote:
...
I 'count' my thumbs against each of my fingers in turn.
You got me there: that's what I do, too. "To increase the flexibility of my fingers for when I'm playing the piano."
hey! i do that!
Earthmonkey: I think you lived my life.
I got teased for a lot of stuff...my vision...my odd behavior...my gullibility. Everything...Retard and Lesbo were the favorite words...I got beaten up, even stabbed with scissors. I still have flashbacks (PTSD) By the time I got to high school I'd get scared and run if anyone tried to touch me or yell to me.
I no longer work so hard to suppress stimming...my friend said she knew I had AS when I began flapping and bouncing at the sight of a cop car. I told her that she must be pretty special to me for me to do that in front of her. I bark like a dog too...I don't know why.
I don't know what advice to give...i think stimming at home would be okay...but maybe small scale stimming (like finger stuff) would be more appropriate in public.
I also bark. It's considered to be a vocal tic. Have you ever been checked out for Tourette Syndrome?
i definitely don't have Tourette's...
Why do you think that you don't? I've just never met any aspies who've barked before.
There are some training items out of the vocal techniques for singing that can be used for stimming without attracting too much attention.
Controlled breathing is quite complicated and you don't need to use your vocal chords, so it's quite quiet. Difficult to explain, but others have already thought about it ...
From wikipedia:
Breathing in everyday life is a subconscious bodily function which occurs naturally, however the singer must have control of the intake and exhalation of breath to achieve maximum results from their voice.
As research has been carried out in the field of vocalization, one term in particular has become common when referring to the use of breath - Sub-Glottic Pressure. In simple terms, sub-glottic pressure is the regulation of the flow of breath in and out of the lungs, thus in turn the control of the air flow through the vocal tract. This is a very simple concept in theory and most people can consciously control their breathing. For a singer however, the use of sub-glottic pressure is much more complex, involving controlled use of the diaphragm, and the muscles of the stomach, waist and back. This requires a great deal of practice if the singer is to achieve absolute control of this feature of the voice.
I mean, if you consciously put your tension into those muscles, you probably don't need to use your hands for flapping.
Well, for me it does the trick when in public most of the time. If not, then I'll press my fingernails into the skin of my thumbs - still pretty much noiseless.