Hi all. I am quite depressed right now. There are some major social changes going on my life, and while the NT's in my life are all happy and such, I'm miserable.
To begin, my brother and his wife are having a second baby. They live really far from me (and my husband), and never visit. We don't make a lot of money, so have never been able to afford to see them. Thus, we don't know their 1st child. My mom visits them all the time, but never comes to my house. She lives 4 hours from us and 3 days away from my brother...
I guess I feel like others don't view my husband and I as a real family worth seeing (we have an apartment and no kids; we don't want kids but have several pets instead). So, it hurts that we are expected to go see people who won't give us the same kind of time.
Second, my friend--one of a handful of close friends (they are all NT!!)--just got engaged to someone I don't know very well. She's not been interested in being around us too much, so I guess that I worry that once they are married, he's going away.
These changes and hurt and fears within them are freaking me out, and instead of being happy for these people, I'm depressed. Also, my brother is mad at me because I don't visit, I don't like to talk on the phone, and pretty much I don't act like "an aunt should".
Any advice?[/font]
No advice. I think what you are feeling is not foreign to anyone, though. You are not meeting the expectations of others and they are not meeting your expectations. Maybe find a way to adjust expectations? It tends to be a matter of communication -- so I have no advice. I still muddle through the communication thing myself. For me, it really has been a matter of what the Boss sang, "You learn to live with what you can't rise above." I hope you feel happier soon.
No advice. I think what you are feeling is not foreign to anyone, though. You are not meeting the expectations of others and they are not meeting your expectations. Maybe find a way to adjust expectations? It tends to be a matter of communication -- so I have no advice. I still muddle through the communication thing myself. For me, it really has been a matter of what the Boss sang, "You learn to live with what you can't rise above." I hope you feel happier soon.
Thanks for your words. I know this won't be easy to get through... I appreciate knowing that I'm not alone in my aspie struggle with the NT world.
I think all sorts of bleak thoughts when my mood is low, sometimes it is simply the fact that my mood is down, chemicals are out of synch.Maybe if you start to feel too bad you should go to a doctor or try taking some St Johnswort. Omega 3 capsules might be helpful.
I think all sorts of bleak thoughts when my mood is low, sometimes it is simply the fact that my mood is down, chemicals are out of synch.Maybe if you start to feel too bad you should go to a doctor or try taking some St Johnswort. Omega 3 capsules might be helpful.
Thanks so much. Actually, I take Cymbalta for chronic depression, but I haven't tried taking the Omega.
Social expectations are always difficult things to get around. I've had similar experiences always having to chase after people to organise meetings and being the instigator of catch ups. If you feel comfortable, it might be worth explaining some of these things to your mother so that next time she makes a visit she asks you to come with her. I'm figuring out this as I go along too, but basically there are so many expectations that people have that you do just need to let fall through the cracks and just say they're not my expectations. I've found that friends drop out of my life too... It just happens sometimes they that move on with a partner that you don't fit in with or a new group of friends who is different. I don't have advice for that one really, other than maybe if you do want to keep up with your friend - maybe you could invite the couple over to your house for dinner and movies or something like that?
Social expectations are always difficult things to get around. I've had similar experiences always having to chase after people to organise meetings and being the instigator of catch ups. If you feel comfortable, it might be worth explaining some of these things to your mother so that next time she makes a visit she asks you to come with her. I'm figuring out this as I go along too, but basically there are so many expectations that people have that you do just need to let fall through the cracks and just say they're not my expectations. I've found that friends drop out of my life too... It just happens sometimes they that move on with a partner that you don't fit in with or a new group of friends who is different. I don't have advice for that one really, other than maybe if you do want to keep up with your friend - maybe you could invite the couple over to your house for dinner and movies or something like that?
Honestly, I don't know what I want to do. I have always had a difficult time hanging on to friends--this friend who's engaged has been one of the few longtime friends I've had. But thanks for giving me some things to consider.