I tried IMVU. The interesting thing about IMVU, is everyone's avatar is rediculously good looking. So in a sense, it was like being able to experience what it would be like being hot.
I had alot of guys using me as a sort of, gage for their own egos. Like if I was their girlfriend fine. If I didn't want to be their girlfriend I was a freak, or some other expletitves. With the girls, it's like all this cat-fighting sort of jelously thing.
So I understand the whole unwanted attention issue that comes with being good-looking now when it comes to Aspies. I also learned that even if I were better looking, I'd still be just as clueless about how to behave socially. So actually, it is alot worse being better looking and therfore expected to be social being an Aspie, than being so-so looking.
Basically this is an apology, for all the trouble I've given people over Heather Kuzmich and all. As well as all the bad things I said about Heather. I really do now understand the perspective of Aspies who are constantly confronted with social interaction and not knowing what to do with it.
Worse is the boyfriend who only likes you because you are pretty and thinks he can change your autistic behaviour. "You were too sheltered." "You need to change." "Stop acting so weird. You embarrass me." "You're only weird because your family made you that way." The verbal abuse starts and sometimes the physical and emotional abuse starts. Still there are the boyfriends that will constantly criticize physical appearances too "You're too fat." "Don't wear those stupid clothes". "You need boob surgery." "You need to whiten your teeth" "Why don't you change your hair".
I hate being a "fixer up project" or a "Fix her up" project. Being alone can sometimes be better than being with someone who is trying to change you or "cure" you.
Violet--Good for you for trying the experiment you tried, and for apologizing. Thank you.
True true. If I were in a relationship like that, I'd hope I'd just leave it. I have a bad feeling though, that it wouldn't be that simple.
Violet Yoshi you experienced an insight to another's life for how long?
I am sure the apology is genuine and that people having differing opinion to your's doesn't make them "fair game".
Very mature approach
I will say regarding the whole thing that even if such attention is desired, it does not excuse prejudice against the person who desires it.
I even got a guy who offered to send me to deportment and grooming school because he considered me too childish, but I didn't take his comments very seriously as he was no gift to the ladies himself. Luckily, he took himself out of the equation one school holiday period by getting engaged to another woman who no doubt dressed better than me. I had a very lucky escape there.
Great ladies. Now that you have had a fun time man-bashing, anything positive about being pretty and feminine, or does any effort automatically set you up for horrible relationships and interactions with men.
I am betting the ability to malign your negative experiences and single out horrible males is going to be overwhelmingly easier than the reverse. I would love to have you prove me wrong though.
I was feminine and pretty even without all those accoutrements. Even now, I can pass for a few years younger than my real age.
Complicated topic.
I had lots of conflict with my mother over the femininity issue when I was growing up. She gave up her efforts around the time I turned 40. A woman in today's society needs a pretty healthy self-image to combat the messages we get about our bodies--the cosmetic industry depends upon seducing women into thinking we "have" to buy their products to be socially acceptable. If one has to "put on one's face" in the morning, what is this really saying? And what happens when the "face' comes off at night? Who is she, really?
I've known lots of guys who would prefer that women junk all this stuff--it's expensive, time-consuming, and not really necessary.
I think that there is much in the necessity to wear make-up or high heels. In fact there are many men such as myself you (it may interest you) that see a woman that is "dolled up" as not truly representative of what they are really like. Let's be honest. Their made up faces are not "really" not what they look like underneath (and sometimes completely different). The high heels make them appear taller than what they are really. The clothes to conceal, extenuate, or exaggerate their actual body shape. So....."I doubt too many women would admit it is either but society sort of wants us to do these things." I think you may be wrong. I like natural looking ladies. I like women to be feminine but not done up to the nines to impress.
Now I do not want to woman-bash. I think to do so would be an insult to some of the really nice women I know. Many of them here in fact. I keep in mind an expression I heard long ago "To love women is to love ALL women".
I would not be up to changing a lady nor particularly pleased in her efforts to change me. Of course any relationship demands that both people compromise their lives to "become a part of a couple".
I don't begrudge the cultural expectations that are placed on men to be men. I do not agree in any way for a man to use his physicality to physical dominate or abuse a woman or child but actively support the expectation for men to use that physicality to protect women and children for example.
So society also expects such standards and mores of men. I just find it difficult to hear no voices to highlight the good in men or the benefits of being women. Maybe perhaps being a woman is a tragedy that women the world over have to endure through their unhappy lives and men are truly blessed beings. I can not justify the concept in my head but perhaps this and other threads I have seen support that stance.
Shame. I hoped for happiness for my daughter in her life. That is all I guess.
Yes Bella that is a sensible position to take. The individual as not representative of a class, creed, race or gender. Now I ask you to read back through the position taken in this thread. I ask too with such a stance against individuals where is the corresponding balance.
There are many similar threads in the past that highlight male shortcomings and how hard done on women are. Now we can look at the individual posts and declare that they were talking individually and as individuals about individual negative experiences or what have you but collectively and with balance is not addressing things individually at all is it?
Were these threads peppered with positives to balance or if there were similarly positive threads about good experiences with men or how great it was to be a woman then maybe I would be more easily convinced that the individuality stance was in fact a reasonable assessment of what I see.
So either I see that the balance being biased against is representative of what my daughter has to look forward to or.....for reasons unknown (and yes I would be happy to be informed of) it is not representative of what women view in life. The bad is not outweighed by the good or the benefits.
I can only go by what I see and believe me there is little to endorse the opinion that their is much nice about being a woman or good qualities in men, according to such threads as these.
As I say, shame. My daughter will be a woman one day and I guess she has a lot of heartbreak in store.
Rossco, it could be a bit of a matter of "shooting the messenger". Like it or not, there is much sexism in our society (both ways, I might add).
If it is any help, the men I have met and had the most positive impression of were those who treated me an intellectual equal, accepted that I was a jeans and t-shirt kind of person, were interested in social justice, liked animals, could get me to laugh (not always easy) and were affectionate. Fortunately, I have met some like that.
Only thing I regret is it is only in hindsight that I realise some were more interested in me than I knew. Sometimes it was because I was already involved with the more silly ones at the time and often it was because I failed to detect the signals of interest.
Even those of us who "don't play the game" and prefer the natural look get a few of those sneers and rolling eyes eg. from some shop assistants.
No, I wouldn't. I'm aware there is a game but that doesn't mean I can play it even I wanted to.