08-12-2004, 10:22 PM
What is the mind killer? What makes a man break? What drives some to go crazy, others to be suicidal, and others to just stop caring, lacking any motivation.
For me the mind killer is living a life that is not my own. I do not mean that this is not my life, but not the life I view and wish to live. Society is harsh, but I do understand one thing about it. It does not approve of difference or non-compliance. To talk when I don't like to talk. To do things I don't want to do only because it's what others wish or what is expected of me as a person. To have to compromise and give in all that is me, just so I am not looked down on and thrown around. To survive and not be eaten alive by the hidden intricacies of society.
When will I be left alone? When will I be allowed to be me? An individual who is free to live as he chooses. When will I not be a slave to the system of lies and hidden agendas?
The appearance that I hold, the words I speak, none of them is me. It is the disguise I have held to survive and stand my ground, which grows smaller with each year. Like have you skin pulled off, feeling intense pain, but with time the feeling of pain dies and only the knowledge of pain remains. Soon your hopes and dreams are lost too, to the pain, till only motivation; as little as it is remains. Then when even that is gone, you break, of no use to yourself or others. In a way you have beat the system, but at so high of a cost that no joy remains. Till no part that was you remains. That disguise is my mind killer. My survival in life depends on it but at the same time, it is the death of my being, all that makes me, me.
Well not no more, I take my stand and live the way I choose. Call me selfish, call my arrogant, called me full of pride. I don't care. I've done it societies way and in my eyes they are selfish and arrogant to expect me to live their way.
For me the mind killer is living a life that is not my own. I do not mean that this is not my life, but not the life I view and wish to live. Society is harsh, but I do understand one thing about it. It does not approve of difference or non-compliance. To talk when I don't like to talk. To do things I don't want to do only because it's what others wish or what is expected of me as a person. To have to compromise and give in all that is me, just so I am not looked down on and thrown around. To survive and not be eaten alive by the hidden intricacies of society.
When will I be left alone? When will I be allowed to be me? An individual who is free to live as he chooses. When will I not be a slave to the system of lies and hidden agendas?
The appearance that I hold, the words I speak, none of them is me. It is the disguise I have held to survive and stand my ground, which grows smaller with each year. Like have you skin pulled off, feeling intense pain, but with time the feeling of pain dies and only the knowledge of pain remains. Soon your hopes and dreams are lost too, to the pain, till only motivation; as little as it is remains. Then when even that is gone, you break, of no use to yourself or others. In a way you have beat the system, but at so high of a cost that no joy remains. Till no part that was you remains. That disguise is my mind killer. My survival in life depends on it but at the same time, it is the death of my being, all that makes me, me.
Well not no more, I take my stand and live the way I choose. Call me selfish, call my arrogant, called me full of pride. I don't care. I've done it societies way and in my eyes they are selfish and arrogant to expect me to live their way.