Could someone explain this to me? I don't understand Love and I don't love.
I used to have a boyfriend whom I thought I loved but it was actually just really bad OCD as a result of other personal problems and bullying in other areas of my life.
I spoke to a nurse and when I described my OCD symptoms she said "well, that's what love is like" so I said "it is like an illness??" and she said "yes".
I know that there has been research that shows correlation between being 'in love' and being 'obsessed' but I didn't think that meant they were the same and that love was an illness. And I can't help thinking that a lot of people who are, or who have been in love would disagree with this and maybe even find it offensive!
I always wanted to be loved - mainly because my family were abusive. But I think this was just depression and PTSD from the abuse.
And by love I meant more support with things I find difficult and acceptance that I was different and had learning difficulties, but was still a valid person.
Relationships haven't really worked for me. Interestingly, since I took fluoxetine, this has made my emotions a lot more controlled and some have gone completely.
I no longer have a yearining to be 'loved' or to obsess over anyone, and this leads me to think that in my case I don't, and never did, love, I just had OCD and the fluoxetine is rectifying this.
I'm scared to come off fluoxetine as it might make my emotions come back and that would pretty much send me into a breakdown because my emotions feel like they are 10 times stronger than they should be and I can't cope with this so it impacts on my mental health.
So I don't love. And it really doesn't bother me.
I actually prefer that I get help from a Social Worker and a Support Worker than someone like a boyfriend where there is no professional contract or distance.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this, or similar experiences.
If you have been on antidepressants for over ten years and you do wish you could share feelings with someone, and you are almost 40, and male, maybe it really is love. It might even help your diet: in the United States, there is strong evidence to support the theory that Caucasian men and women have strong romantic prejudices against obesity. Except that a handful of us have learned not to listen to them.
Thanksgiving was excellent: I was reminded by some close friends that, generally, African-Americans don't share these perspectives on obesity.
Still, love is no substitute for professional psychological attention and, if necessary, psychiatric-prescribed drugs.
There are many many different forms of love!!!
I have PTSD as well and I have experienced lots of stuff,but I think people know what love is when they feel it,and I think you where right,not that woman.
PS..When ever you get in a relationship next time,dont "loose your self" or give up things you like to suit your guy.
Ive done that to many times and allways regret it.
I was just thinking about how important that is earlier today
Good luck with your love-life
Honestly, I didn't understand love before I was in it. I think I have a better grasp on it now that I'm an adult and married.
Those "lovey-dovey" obsessed parts of love is what people call "puppy" love. It doesn't last too long. 3-6 months really. There is also a "honeymoon" period shortly after a couple get married... but it doesn't last either. Throughout the course of a marriage there are several "lovey" phases, but in general true love is what happens in between those moments (IMO).
My own personal definition of love is about comittment and caring enought to make choices to better the other person. (self sacrifice) But not self sacrifice to the point where you loose yourself, but rather, a good relationship should strengthen each person as an individual and a couple.
But I guess your talking about the lovey feeling of love. And yes, I would say it feels very much like an obsession... I would think it probably works on the same parts of the brain actually, though that is entirely my own thoughts and not at all scientific. So perhaps the drugs could be affecting that.
However, like I said earlier, I do not think that anyone needs that puppy love feeling. You might have to dig a bit deeper to find a love like that, but I would think that someone with a similar need is out there...
And I wouldn't go off your meds for all that. If you are happy the way you are than be happy.
Good Luck
'she said "well, that's what love is like" so I said "it is like an illness??" and she said "yes".'
At this norwegian science magazine they said that falling in love was a psychosis...
But something tells me that "psykose" has a slightly different meaning than "psychosis", at least those ppl at the chatroom thought of the idea of "falling in love = psychosis" as crazy.
From what I've heard you can actually develop physical symptoms of illness when you are in love. I'm not positive about it, though.
I think the one thing to remember is that everyone picks their own definition of love, so when one person talks about love, they could be talking about passion, or about a supportive partner, or about a person they like & trust, or about someone who's lots of fun. Which mix of these things you choose to call love is almost as personal as love itself.
For me, I always remember an old Bruce Lee quote - "Love is friendship set on fire". So for me, love is all the good things about friendship, only more so - with attraction and playfulness thrown in for good measure.
I think the one thing to remember is that everyone picks their own definition of love, so when one person talks about love, they could be talking about passion, or about a supportive partner, or about a person they like & trust, or about someone who's lots of fun. Which mix of these things you choose to call love is almost as personal as love itself.
For me, I always remember an old Bruce Lee quote - "Love is friendship set on fire". So for me, love is all the good things about friendship, only more so - with attraction and playfulness thrown in for good measure.
As always, you have put things perfectly. 
To me, friendship is the first rung on the ladder of love.
For me, loving someone means that I want to do my best for them.
There is the love I have for my friends - I will stand by them unless they hurt me.
There is the love I have for my siblings, which includes a lifetime of history so I will stand by them even if they hurt me.
There is the love I have for my parents which includes respect and deference.
There is the love for my spouse - I will give up everything to follow him to the end of the earth. (Oooops - already did that!)
And there is maternal love; I would fight to the death for my children and grandchildren. Maternal love is a fierce fire: it consumes every other emotion.
[quote=aliengirl]
Could someone explain this to me? I don't understand Love and I don't love.
I used to have a boyfriend whom I thought I loved but it was actually just really bad OCD as a result of other personal problems and bullying in other areas of my life.
I spoke to a nurse and when I described my OCD symptoms she said "well, that's what love is like" so I said "it is like an illness??" and she said "yes".
I think I agree with the nurse, not to say she has any expertise in this matter, but when you fancy someone, you do tend to obsessively and compulsively obsess about them.
I know that there has been research that shows correlation between being 'in love' and being 'obsessed' but I didn't think that meant they were the same and that love was an illness. And I can't help thinking that a lot of people who are, or who have been in love would disagree with this and maybe even find it offensive!
I always wanted to be loved - mainly because my family were abusive. But I think this was just depression and PTSD from the abuse.
And by love I meant more support with things I find difficult and acceptance that I was different and had learning difficulties, but was still a valid person.
There are many kinds of love, I love my kitty. But not a romantic way, more motherly. My kitty isn't scared anymore, he is a cheeky and a very cute little man. Just lovely!!!
Relationships haven't really worked for me. Interestingly, since I took fluoxetine, this has made my emotions a lot more controlled and some have gone completely.
There are always benefits and drawbacks, a feeling of more peace is quite nice, Balance is nice, but not always obtainable.
I no longer have a yearining to be 'loved' or to obsess over anyone, and this leads me to think that in my case I don't, and never did, love, I just had OCD and the fluoxetine is rectifying this.
Plausible point.
I'm scared to come off fluoxetine as it might make my emotions come back and that would pretty much send me into a breakdown because my emotions feel like they are 10 times stronger than they should be and I can't cope with this so it impacts on my mental health.
I think Fluoxetine can allow the brain to take a breather, and allow it to recover somewhat (perhaps) I guess it is always a matter of trying to achieve that balance, not easy!!
So I don't love. And it really doesn't bother me.
I actually prefer that I get help from a Social Worker and a Support Worker than someone like a boyfriend where there is no professional contract or distance.
There's your answer!
I find sometimes taking time to write things down really helps me, it helps me to let go of anger, I can be feeling awful, and as soon as I write it all down, I can let go and move on happily enough.
If I write things down because I'm angry it might or might not intensify the feeling but it does feel better putting it down. Some things take a long time to deal with and one can only move on when "it's time" and the only person who can determine that for certain is the one with that feeling.
Why is it the people who are asexual are not really understood or accepted by society? For example, marriages can be annuled if they are not connsummated (in some countries) as though this is all that matters, not the committment and vows you take.
Also, if you are asexual, people try to find out 'what's wrong' and send you for therapy etc. or at the very least make out you are selfish because you are depriving your partner (even though you are depvriving them of something that is not only strongly dislikeable to yourself but that your partner wants not needs!).
It seems that if someone is an adult asexual, they are considered selfish or as though they have a problem and should be forced to confront this - but no-one ever says non-asexual people need to have therapy or are selfish for giving asexual people a difficult time.
Surely if you have been open with any partner or potential partner about the fact you are asexual, it is not fair for them to decide to be with you anyway and then criticise you for it.
Why does society have such a problem with asexual people?
[quote=aliengirl]
Relationships haven't really worked for me.
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Me: I would give it time- you are still so young!
Interestingly, since I took fluoxetine, this has made my emotions a lot more controlled and some have gone completely.
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Me: Years ago I took Elavil, a very strong anti-depressant, and it eliminated nearly all my emotions, made me like stone. I don't think that is good long-term.
I no longer have a yearining to be 'loved' or to obsess over anyone, and this leads me to think that in my case I don't, and never did, love, I just had OCD and the fluoxetine is rectifying this.
I'm scared to come off fluoxetine as it might make my emotions come back and that would pretty much send me into a breakdown because my emotions feel like they are 10 times stronger than they should be and I can't cope with this so it impacts on my mental health.
So I don't love. And it really doesn't bother me.
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That's good it doesn't bother you that you are missing out on love, but hold open the thought that someday you might want to feel emotion again 'cause that is what makes us fully human. Sure it hurts, but it helps us to grow and to understand others.
IMO love for God, love for others can't grow if there is no emotion. I've been advised to only pray when there is true emotion, otherwise it is rote and meaningless and God does not listen AT ALL. Why should he? So I wait to pray til I really feel it! Sorry to get off-topic, sorry to get on mysticism which is an interest of mine, but I do feel emotion is important in the larger scheme of things.
I'm struggling with my bf at the moment. He knows about my sensory overload but keeps making loud noises like having the TV up really loud when I was using his computer even though there is a television in the living room and also I offered to do what I needed on his computer later when he'd finished watching his programme (which was on video so he didn't actually need to watch it at the specific time).
I also mocks my verbal tics even though I keep asking him not to.
Also, I am only at his flat once a week - the rest of the time he generally comes to my place of residence as I work and commute 3 hours a day whereas he does not work at the moment so it makes sense for him to come to me rather than me do even more commuting after work and also his time is more flexible (and also this is totally his choice).
So I don't understand why he couldn't watch his programmes and listen to his music the rest of the time when I'm not at his flat.
We have different tastes in music and I hate listening to music that I don't like as it is like noise and it hurts my ears. I accept that different people like different things so I don't play any music when he comes to see me but he doesn't do the same for me even though I am only at his flat once a week for a few hours.
He is also really rude about the TV programmes I watch. I don't like some of the programmes he does but I don't go on about how awful I think they are, I just accept that we have different preferencres.
When he is at my home and the TV is on, if a programme is about to start that I like and he doesn't I prepare to record it so that he doesn't have to watch it and I can watch it at a later date. But he says it's okay we can watch it he doesn't mind.
Then he talks all the way through it about how stupid he thinks it is so I don't get to enjoy it. (and I don't like watching TV with other people anyway for this reason - I just want to watch it on my own to wind down before I go to bed).
I don't do this to him and never would. When he watches his programmes I either leave him to it so as not to disturb him. (The only exception was when I was doing some typing on the laptop but that was because I was typing out his his friend's DLA form - and she owns the flat so I couldn't really say no!) and I finished and left the room within 2 minutes of his programme starting anyway.
I'm just fed up of it being one rule for him and one rule for me.
Sorry, I'm aware that this is an uber-whinge but I am struggling at the moment but I don't have anyone to talk to about these issues. (even though I appreciate that in the big scheme of things they are fairly trivial.)
Seconded, you have perfectly valid concerns.
He sounds like a bit of a selfish prick to me, no offense to you, but he does, as for mocking you, *** him, he doesn't deserve you if he takes the piss out of you.
Wow, thanks for your advice.
To be honest I think the relationship is gradually fading away anyway, and in some ways I think this is for the best - I think he and I will make much better friends then 'partners'.
He can be a good person and supportive but I just don't feel that we are good for each other in a relationship.