Aspies For Freedom

Hey,

I've been thinking for quite a while about joining this forum, but since I'm not officially diagnosed, I hesitated to do so. I've been suspecting that I have Asperger's since I was twelve (I'm now fifteen). My mother first didn't believe me, but when she read about it, she acknowledged that I was probably right. She send a letter to a specialist and the specialist wants to talk to me and my parents to see if I qualify for a diagnosis in the near future.

As an assignment for school, I have to write a paper and give a presentation about either a disease or a syndrome. I thought this was a good opportunity to teach my class about autism and Asperger syndrome, emphasizing the positive sides and the fact that we do not need/want a cure. I would also like to get my classmates to accept autism/Asperger's or just different people a little more. For my paper and presentation, I have to call and speak to a specialist or I need to talk to people who have the syndrome. I'm horrible at making phone calls and it terrifies me very much, so I was wondering whether I could ask you all a few questions:

1. What is the hardest thing about having autism/Asperger's in everyday life and is there anything that would make it easier?
2. Do you tell people about your autism/Asperger's? If you do, how do they react? Do they understand?
3. How do you feel about a cure? (The answer to this might be rather obvious, but I need to ask for my paper.)
4. How are you treated by society?
5. Are there advantages about having autism/Asperger's for you and what are they?
6. If you could make your autism/Asperger's go away, would you and why?
7. What would you want NT's to know about autism/Asperger's?

If you want to help me by answering some/all of the questions or just telling me your story, I would greatly appreciate it and I can assure you that your name or any other personal information will not appear in my paper or presentation, that my paper will only be read by me and my teacher and my presentation will only be heard by my class of thirty people.

I hope I didn't offend anyone by asking this and I thank you for your answers. I will probably stay on this forum after my paper is done, if you don't mind, because I recognize a lot of your stories and comments and you all seem very nice people.

Silence

Hmm...let me try.

1. The hardest things are handling fools.
2. Some people are familiar about them, but nobody notices my traits.
3. A cure is pure blasphemy, and preposterous!
4. I am treated like everyone else.
5. Well, I tend to have above average senses, and more cranial capacity.
6. My Asperger's shall not go away, at all. I am content with it.
7. NT's should stop with rambling on cures, myths, and have some amount of good will towards them. The autism experts need to be competent! Their incompetency is blotting their minds, as they are expensive, and they make the kid rely on the experts.

Hi there. I don't have ASD myself, but both my husband and son do. But I will respond from both their perspective (as best as I can) and from the perspective of a family member.

1. What is the hardest thing about having autism/Asperger's in everyday life and is there anything that would make it easier?

I think it is knowing that they are "a little different" but understanding exactly how or why. My husband grew up thinking he was just bad or flawed and has had to fight very hard to maintain his self-esteem. My son simply gets frustrated and angry because he can't articulate the differences or bridge the gap, so to speak.

On a practical level, the world at large (and the classroom) is made for NT people. My husband and son will never be in an environment that was created with *their* abilities in mind. They will always have to compensate for their differences. No matter how well they navigate, there will always be a certain amount of stress involved - stress that will come out as rage or depression or withdrawl depending on the day and the hour.��I think it must be exhausting.

2. Do you tell people about your autism/Asperger's? If you do, how do they react? Do they understand?

I have told a few people, their reactions were varied. At first, my parents thought of autism in the context of vaccine poising and a "disease" and were horrified and wanted us to fight the diagnosis. When I explained it more in terms of personality - how my son's brain works - then they became more dismissive. Like - Oh, that's all?��Others have (comically) reassured me that their opinion of my son hasn't changed one bit.....yeah right. Others have said, really? okay. and that was that.

3. How do you feel about a cure? (The answer to this might be rather obvious, but I need to ask for my paper.)

My husband and son were born the way they are. There is nothing to "cure". Aspergers makese them different but also unique. I want them to have more access to tools and resources that make the world less stressful for them. I want them to be at ease and comfortable in their own skin. I want them to have their strengths be encouraged and emphasized and nurtured rather than viewed as "neat tricks".

4. How are you treated by society?

Don't know....I think my husband is seen as a little wierd. A little geeky, not very friendly. A label won't change this.��I think my son is often viewed as "high-maintenance" or "bratty" or "spoiled" or "odd". A label might help a little, but would also bring other images to bear.��I am viewed as "overparenting" or, ironically as too lax of a parent depending on the time and hour, lol.

5. Are there advantages about having autism/Asperger's for you and what are they?

The advantages are numerous. My husband has an encyclopedic knowledge of music and books he has read. He would have been a fantastic librarian has his skills been nurtured when he was younger. My son has an amazing memory and visual skills that will be an advantage is a variety of ways as he gets older. I will make sure his skills are nurtured and developed so he has the option of using them to his fullest abilities.

6. If you could make your autism/Asperger's go away, would you and why?

I would make some aspects go away. The anxiety. The disconnection from emotions and other human relationships. But mostly, I would not. I would rather the world changed ever so much to accomodate the unique attributes and skills of ASD individuals.

7. What would you want NT's to know about autism/Asperger's?

That they are simply using their brains in another way. There are benefits and challenges. Accept their abilities and limitation. Don't expect them to become "normal". They ARE normal.

Hello and welcome.  Alot of us are self-diagnosed or suspect in some way or another that we might have AS.  Don't worry about it as a credential for joining this forum.  There are some of us who highly suspect but choose not to get an offical diagnosis.  That's not to be confused with denial, but rather as protection from possible discrimination.  (I even made myself an avatar to symbolize that.  See below.)

As to the questions (warning: verbose answers)...

1. What is the hardest thing about having autism/Asperger's in everyday life and is there anything that would make it easier?

The issue of "people skills".  I have a master's degree in computer science (a field once considered hot but that has since fizzled) and work in a little government office where everybody's underpaid.  I'd probably be someplace more lucrative if I had been better able to bull$#!+ my way through a job interview.  I'm not giving up though.  I keep seeing "excellent communication skills" rubber-stamped on almost every job ad I see.  I can understand that if the job involved selling used cars or something like that, but for writing source code?  It would be easier if they wouldn't put that in a job ad unless those communication skills were absolutely critical to the advertised job.

2. Do you tell people about your autism/Asperger's? If you do, how do they react? Do they understand?

99% of the time, no.  The only exceptions are my parents (it was my mother's best friend who initially suggested I might have AS), a friend of mine who happens to be a retired special ed teacher, and recently another friend of mine who has ADD.  I just don't think most people would understand at this time.  Also, there are people who do have an official diagnosis and all the risks that go with that.  I feel they're more entitled to represent themselves as AS than I am.

3. How do you feel about a cure? (The answer to this might be rather obvious, but I need to ask for my paper.)

Heck, no!  I personally don't want it.  I'm 34 years old now, and I just cannot imagine myself wanting to be transformed into somebody else (and... gag! ... suddenly start enjoying network television more than books, and join in all the gossip and other yacking going on instead of keeping to myself).  I do respect the fact that others feel differently.  However, getting "cured" should be like getting a sex change (for adults only, only if the person is getting it at his/her own volition and under no duress whatsoever).

I'm also concerned that wiping it out would guarantee that there would never be another Einstein, Mozart, Tesla, etc.  There's a long list of famous minds like those who are suspected of being Aspie.  I might recommend reading some of their biographies.  I read Einstein's biography, and guess what!  He wasn't exactly "normal".

That opinion is specifically for AS.  We have members of this forum with some of the other forms of autism, but I'll leave it to them to comment on that.

4. How are you treated by society?

Got @#$&ed with all the way through school, until I grew to about 6'3" and started dressing as scary as school dress code would allow.  That scared off some but not others.  Since then, I've gotten occasional crap at work.  (e.g. When I was 19 and in college, I took a summer job in a fast food restaurant.  I quickly got singled-out for harassment by a trashy assistant manager.  She was probably bipolar.  I wish I had reported her and tried to get her fired.  However, at another summer fast food stint a few years later in another town, I worked with a manager of a different attitude who considered me a favorite worker.  Just depends on luck as to who you end up working with.)

I might also mention what semblence of a social life I've managed to have.  The trick for me was to find the other sci-fi/fantasy geeks in whatever town I happen to live in (that is, people who happen to share a special interest).  There are lots of clubs and organizations that cater to this.  In some, you have to deal with some members' pathological need for control.  There are a few other people I've known through groups of this type who might be Aspie, and I've seen them just sort of get shoved to the side while the NTs in the group socialize and play.  Other sf/f groups seem to realize they're not exactly composed of "normal people" and respect whatever social distance you choose to maintain.

5. Are there advantages about having autism/Asperger's for you and what are they?

Yes, it makes you someone to get detailed, tedious things done that most NT's probably wouldn't even bother with.  For example, a few years ago, my mother and other relatives went through several generations worth of photographs and organized them.  They concentrated on the prints, organizing them into albums, and then gave me all the slides and negatives to deal with.  The work involved in properly preserving and storing those would probably send most people running.  (e.g. lots or repetitive tasks like transferring slides from projector trays into archival boxes, labelling the cardboard mounts in the process with a numbering system of the type an Aspie would devise.)

6. If you could make your autism/Asperger's go away, would you and why?

Definitely not.  I believe I covered that in my answer to question # 3.

7. What would you want NT's to know about autism/Asperger's?

Not to believe everything they hear about it.  There are some well-funded groups out there whose agenda is best suited by everyone thinking we're all #$&@ed up and shouldn't be allowed to exist in our current form.

Silence Wrote:

1. What is the hardest thing about having autism/Asperger's in everyday life and is there anything that would make it easier?

Being given the same opportunity, and being treated the same, as anyone else when it is something extremely important to anyone, a career (I finally have one) or a relationship (still elusive).

2. Do you tell people about your autism/Asperger's? If you do, how do they react? Do they understand?

People, at least since graduate school, generally seem to understand and try to reach around the limitations to interact with me.

3. How do you feel about a cure? (The answer to this might be rather obvious, but I need to ask for my paper.)

It will always be important for societal reasons, to make people who otherwise would not be allowed to work be allowed to work, but should not be forced on anyone.

4. How are you treated by society?

You may eventually be treated very well by society, but you may be in your forties or fifties by the time you have a relationship and are respected in the community.

5. Are there advantages about having autism/Asperger's for you and what are they?

Most of the father's side of my family seems to have a genetic package of skills, but which also includes Asperger, although only I am firmly diagnosed.  One uncle was a math teacher.  Another was a chemist.  My brother and I are computer programmers/Web developers.  Even Dad in the nontraditional field of writing/editing had an obsessive hobby about history. Minus Dad, it seems to confirm what was said in the Geek Syndrome in Wired magazine: Asperger seems to congregate with the same genes that give us scientific, mathematical, engineering, and especially, information technology genius.  I had a boss not long ago who was an electrical engineer and also picked up IT skills, and I suspect he was Asperger (tragically, he died at work four years ago).

6. If you could make your autism/Asperger's go away, would you and why?

I would.  I wanted a career,  I never liked being teased or bullied.  I never liked being ignored by girls or women, and I still do not.  The books mentioned at the bottom of http://www.wrongplanet.net/article297.html are a fascinating theory why we can't attract women.

7. What would you want NT's to know about autism/Asperger's?

Asperger can be a gift unless you throw it away or throw us away.  Society has evolved into information technology.  People with Asperger are hard wired for IT.  Though we may seem distant, we are not completely so, we want to relate, we have feelings, we are human.  Many of us would wish to be just like you and have wished that for a long time.  We want to join society but we think you won't let us.  It does make us somewhat angry and it is not going to help either of us.

Before I studied Web design, I studied sociology and got a Master's.  The theories of Emile Durkheim, early 20 century French sociologist, are a useful description of society as a life form that infilitrates human minds to protect itself from the non-conforming behavior of others.  Simply consider that Asperger causes non-conforming behavior because it does cause different socialization (also consider socialization process of George Herbert Mead, Mind Self and Society)

1. What is the hardest thing about having autism/Asperger's in everyday life and is there anything that would make it easier?

I guess the fact that I'm always on a different wavelength than other people around me. I don't think that there is anything that I can do about it.

2. Do you tell people about your autism/Asperger's? If you do, how do they react? Do they understand?

No, although when I was about 18 to 21 I used to shout it from the tops of the mountains. Usually their reaction was "That's nice" or "Wow, you talk about autism a lot"; occasionally I would get an "I know" but that was largely due to their personal definition of autism being very broad. Of course they don't.

3. How do you feel about a cure? (The answer to this might be rather obvious, but I need to ask for my paper.)

I'm indifferent to it because even if one was developed it would be too late to do me any good. I don't buy into the whole "AUTISM IS WHAT I AM" thing because it really doesn't shape who you are all that much, or at least not as much as you would think.

4. How are you treated by society?

I guess that I'm treated okay so long as I prove that I won't be annoying/inappropriate.

5. Are there advantages about having autism/Asperger's for you and what are they?

There is an advantage; it is that you're more unique than most other people and as such your life is probably going to be more interesting.

6. If you could make your autism/Asperger's go away, would you and why?

No but only because I don't think it really impacts my life all that much.

7. What would you want NT's to know about autism/Asperger's?

That they shouldn't be including so many damn people into the classification of "autism".

Hi Silence, I am not diagnosed either, and probably never will be. At 43 and living in the U.S. I can't see any benefit to paying for it. The children are categorized as Autistic by the schools, and I continue to fret over whether they should be diagnosed "officially" or not. And so. I'll answer according to shared experiences I perceive for my children and myself, sort of a 4-for-1 deal. Big Grin

1. What is the hardest thing about having autism/Asperger's in everyday life and is there anything that would make it easier?

Be misunderstood and misunderstanding, and then lacking the wherewithal to explain and come to understanding. Time and experience helps, but I can't think of any standard approach to navigating communication issues.

2. Do you tell people about your autism/Asperger's? If you do, how do they react? Do they understand?

I don't go out of my way to bring it to anyone's attention. If the situation merits it, I tell people. If they don't understand, I explain.  I usually tell people with the very broad statement that my kids are "spectrum kids."  Some people know what that means and some don't. I've not broached my own aspieness with very many people; I've spent a lifetime learning how to either blend or be invisible, so it isn't like I need to. A few people have noted it independently. I don't make a big deal about it, so they don't make a big deal about it.

3. How do you feel about a cure? (The answer to this might be rather obvious, but I need to ask for my paper.)

I really need to have "cure" defined more explicitly. If "cure" requires eradication, I am opposed to it.  It becomes an exercise in eugenics. You see, I think that "cure" is simply the wrong word to use. Autism is not a disease. I think that if the research community more precisely defined exactly what the objective is, it would focus the research questions tremendously.

4. How are you treated by society?

Well enough. I'm not on anybody's "A" list, but I am liked well enough to have as many social outings as I want. My 12-year-old has finally found a place where he has several reliable friends. The 9-year-old is quite well liked, though I fret that he has not made any "best-friend" bonds. Adults absolutely adore him because he has such a sunny disposition and enjoys meeting and talking with people. The youngest is still having sharing and transition issues, so we often experience conflicts --- but she starts them.  I trust that she'll get past this.

You see, I don't think anybody has an easy time getting along with others. I've always been an outsider watching what people do, and how.  I recall talking to an very 'popular' girl in high school about social issues and being told, quite proudly, that she had "built a wall of popularity" around herself.  This sounded quite horrifying to me, and I noticed the wall required a lot of work. Perhaps we choose which social hardships are easiest for us.

5. Are there advantages about having autism/Asperger's for you and what are they?

In our house it seems to bring much happiness and creativity. Interpersonal conflicts occur but are quickly resolved and there are never grudges or revenges. I am very glad to see the delicious Aspie sense of humor at the edge of my oldest child's tongue these days. Perhaps this has to do with other genetics, I cannot say.

6. If you could make your autism/Asperger's go away, would you and why?

There was a time when I would have said yes. I had a very hard time for about a decade and didn't know why. I survived and then found a way to thrive, I have a life now.  I don't know what it would mean to change who I am, but it would have to be disruptive. I would not choose to change my children either. It is hard to raise three aspies, but we are starting to see the pay off.  The young man the oldest is becoming is a wonderful person, potentially a great person. I hope he wouldn't want to be some one else.

7. What would you want NT's to know about autism/Asperger's?

An aspie can be the best friend you will ever have, if you can stand it. It pains me to see that other children often do not really giving my children a chance. I've also experienced it, so I know how my children feel. I also know what they offer. It is sort of a lose-lose situation.

Not officially diagnosed.  I'll answer these from the perspective of how I felt when I was a teenager/early 20s.

1. What is the hardest thing about having autism/Asperger's in everyday life and is there anything that would make it easier?

For me, it was stuff like not reading people, not recognizing people, and doing socially inappropriate things because I didn't pick up on the group norms. It was helpful when friends would nicely say "you're not supposed to do or say stuff like that."  Also, taking things literally--not knowing when someone was joking or being sarcastic or ironic.  I still have this problem, actually.

2. Do you tell people about your autism/Asperger's? If you do, how do they react? Do they understand?

The concept didn't exist when I was growing up.  I suspect that I probably would not have told people, though.

3. How do you feel about a cure? (The answer to this might be rather obvious, but I need to ask for my paper.)

It depends.  Being able to recognize people would be pretty darn helpful and it would allow me to avoid the embarrassing situations I get into because I don't recognize people I know.  If there was a pill I could take to cure this, I would.  Change my overall personality, though?  Nope.

4. How are you treated by society?
One of the problems I encountered was not being taken seriously.  I looked and acted young for my age and yet, I was wanting to achieve in an academic environment.  Being female didn't help (this was in the 70s, not many women in science).  I never could figure out exactly what it was about how I self-presented that made people think I was ditsy or something, but it was really frustrating.

5. Are there advantages about having autism/Asperger's for you and what are they?
Focus, concentration, courage, attunement to truth, being willing to be "out there", straightforwardness, logic.

6. If you could make your autism/Asperger's go away, would you and why?
I don't know.  I feel like there are key things about being human that I've missed out on, like relationships.  If I were different, would I have fallen in love, wanted to be married?  But, I wouldn't have the life I've had, and that would be a loss.  I guess you deal with the cards in the deck you've been given.

7. What would you want NT's to know about autism/Asperger's?
Not everyone thinks alike.  Stereotypes don't always hold.  Tolerance and a desire to understand is a good thing.

The issue of "people skills".��I have a master's degree in computer science (a field once considered hot but that has since fizzled) and work in a little government office where everybody's underpaid.��I'd probably be someplace more lucrative if I had been better able to bull$#!+ my way through a job interview.��I'm not giving up though.��I keep seeing "excellent communication skills" rubber-stamped on almost every job ad I see.��I can understand that if the job involved selling used cars or something like that, but for writing source code?��It would be easier if they wouldn't put that in a job ad unless those communication skills were absolutely critical to the advertised job.

I think sometimes they advertise that to scare off the "non-team" players, the difficult assholes, frankly. Have you ever noticed how many assholes there are in the workplace? Even the quiet, backstabbing passive-aggressive types can be assholes! The term annoys me too and I am NT! Big Grin

Ellen Wrote:

The first paragraph was Garmonbozia's, the second mine (my response). I still haven't mastered the reply button, sorry.

That's so very cool of you to write a paper about AS, good luck and welcome!  here's my answers:

1. What is the hardest thing about having autism/Asperger's in everyday life and is there anything that would make it easier?

I try to make my everyday life work with me instead of against me... but that can't always happen. I personally have a hard time with other people that have expectations of me that I can't meet, or treat me a certain way because they don't want to get to know me and make judgements on me.

2. Do you tell people about your autism/Asperger's? If you do, how do they react? Do they understand?

Most of the people I have told know very little about it and so most of me telling them about it is educating them on what Asperger's is.  Usually they are pretty understanding. Some want to know more, some are okay with the nuggets of info that I give them.

3. How do you feel about a cure? (The answer to this might be rather obvious, but I need to ask for my paper.)

I do not think there is a cure, personally. You can take different drugs to lessen some of the "problems" maybe one day, but you will always be an aspie, I don't think there's any other way.  And if there was, I wouldn't take it, or be okay with it being administered to minors.

4. How are you treated by society?

Fairly well as I see it. I didn't have too good of a job working, the jobs I had gotten didn't work very well for me and in that area I was not treated very well, because I didn't understand why I was having these problems.  But I don't generally feel looked down on much more than any other person.

5. Are there advantages about having autism/Asperger's for you and what are they?

Very in tune to my own thoughts and moral guidelines, creative and detail-oriented. Visual memory. I seem to be a more understanding mom than some that I've met, but that's wildly subjective. Smile

I care about people in deep and solid ways though I feel like I don't always get to show it.

6. If you could make your autism/Asperger's go away, would you and why?

To be honest, yea, sometimes when I mess up or hurt someones feelings or can't quite cut it at work or understand what's really being said. Yea sometimes it's a fantasy. But really, I like the "wierd" things about me that make me different and unique, those things are worth the occasionally bad thing. Smile

7. What would you want NT's to know about autism/Asperger's?

That most of what they know is wrong. There is a lot of diversity in the austistic spectrum and that you have to get to know anyone, regardless of race, creed, religion or neurological wiring on a one on one basis before making judgements on them. Most people on the spectrum will be honest with you, ask questions.

Good Luck with your paper. Smile

Lizmom23 Wrote:

To quote Lizmom23: "Hi there. I don't have ASD myself, but" my teen daughter, Hope, does (16).  "But I will respond from her perspective (as best as I can) and from the perspective of a family member."

1. What is the hardest thing about having autism/Asperger's in everyday life and is there anything that would make it easier?

For Hope it is probably schoolwork- staying engaged in class, processing information in general.  If teachers would read, then re-read, about her sensory and other issues that would be helpful. They tend to forget or think she can magically "change" on any given day when they are frustrated with her for any reason. She doesn't seem to frustrate the teachers the way she did in middle school, so school is easier now.

socially Hope seldom complains about being lonely or wanting more fully engaged friends. She is pretty happy with the status quo, though she wants to get out more on the weekends now- the computer no longer has the magnetic pull and thrall it once did.

Lizmom wrote: "On a practical level, the world at large (and the classroom) is made for NT people."- I say "ditto"- so true.  That's why I've never even considered homeschooling her though it was never an issue. I want her to understand the NT world as much as possible, not shield her from it. The occasional bullying she got in elem. and middle school has made her tougher and more self-righteous if anything. It seemed (time will tell) at the time to make only temporary dents in her self-esteem. She can spin just about anything to make it the other's fault, not her own, though.

Her father and I would discuss our own bullying when younger, though to be honest we experienced nothing compared to her. Hope got into a fighting, karate stance once and was ready to take on three kids- two boys and a girl, for God's sake.

2. Do you tell people about your autism/Asperger's? If you do, how do they react? Do they understand?

Hope seems mostly uninterested in immersing herself in the Aspie world and only uses the label as an excuse lately. When she is curious she will ask me questions about AS but I usually direct her to the books we have bought or the internet. So far, no real interest in learning more about what makes her tick, unfortunately. She will come round eventually, but I seriously doubt if it will become her entire world.

As far as her dx goes I tell people on a "need to know" basis, but I am certainly not ashamed of that particular gene. I tell people unabashedly, unashamed, talk about how great she is doing, how she is going to do great things in the future. She is often clueless socially, but her will is strong and she is ambitious.  I also hint that I don't need people's sympathy. I try to educate in the process also so in the future more people will be better informed about HFA/AS.

3. How do you feel about a cure?

There is NOTHING to cure in my daughter. God has plans for her and made her absolutely perfect so that she - like every other poor "atma" (Hindu for soul) here- can come to know her own divinity in time. Apparently it is her karma this lifetime to experience AS. But I notice (it is so obvious) that her role is one of catalyst- others are changing spiritually because of her. That is pretty powerful stuff. Way more power than I as an NT have with other people actually, not that I crave power. (I crave bliss actually. THAT is the one aspect of God I simply want more of, not the other two main attributes - power and knowledge- others feel compelled to pursue those....)

4. How are you treated by society?

The kids in school, the teachers are mostly just great here, but I have mentioned in various posts that living in a small, southern town has its advantages. Being the Bible belt people do TRY to be "Christian" and loving as much as possible. Apparently this sort of setting is ideal as our pricey shrink in Atlanta, who though an "expert" , knows now one tenth what I do, but I digress, suggested long ago we send her to a small Christian school. We never did, that's not my style at all since I am SO over religion, but again I am digressing.

5. Are there advantages about having autism/Asperger's for you and what are they?

You'd have to ask Hope, but I can tell you this- she has a wonderful,  simple loving way about her, a nearly constant upbeat mood, an innocence, a forgiving nature, a near total disregard for what other's think that I find refreshing and just almost addictive to be around on a daily basis. Once the students and teachers come to know her (I tell them she may not grant them a smile til they pass muster) they tend to love her.

6. If you could make your autism/Asperger's go away, would you and why?

I agree with Lizmom that the stress of trying to "reach" a teen Aspie on certain issues, the stress of urging them to be responsible, to be independent, to pick up after themselves, to do their homework in a more focused way, of trying to interpret for them how NTs think and feel and how better to see other's points of view is exhausting.  It and my aging Mom were the vehicle that nearly drove me to the edge alcohol-wise, but I surveyed that view and said to myself "I'm not going there" so I don't.

It can also create some tension amongst family members. Both my NT son and toe-on-the-spectrum hubby think I talk about Hope way too much and they are right. They feel a little neglected at times I think.

It also creates greater tension amongst extended family members sometimes. My brother wouldn't give me his son's phone number at college recently because he felt Hope was too obsessed with him (his son, Hope's cousin), among other personal and selfish reasons on his part not related to AS. She adores him more than anyone else in the family probably. They also have been less than helpful where Hope is concerned from a respite standpoint (they could have volunteered to babysit just one night or weekend when she was younger and we needed the break from "Aspieworld"). Suffice to say that that and another issue regarding my aging Mom and I find myself estranged from both of them.

It is not popular here and not "PC" here, but raising Aspies is no piece of cake. 1) You have to really love the child and 2) be totally unselfish and fiercely dedicated to them and a bulldog with the outside world imo. How many people have all those qualities? Sorry but I am feeling superior about now...

That said, I can hear it now, but yes ALL TEENS regardless of dx or no dx are pains in the asses. Big Grin

7. What would you want NT's to know about autism/Asperger's?

Ditto: "That they are simply using their brains in another way. There are benefits and challenges. Accept their abilities and limitation. Don't expect them to become "normal". They ARE normal."

I would call AS the "new normal" in the gene pool! Big Grin

Hello Silence,

While I appreciate your intentions and find your questionnaire well-written, for the record I would like to explain why I'm usually one of just a few people on AFF who never answer these kinds of things.

I maintain that I have a bit of uncertainty about identity, and the extent to which Asperger's colors a person's identity.  Before I figured out that I very likely had AS at age 25 (I am now 26), I was simply an individual person like everyone else.  Obviously I always had some quirks (but then, there are also quirky NTs) and some unusual problems with things many people take for granted.

Regardless, those who knew me well, simply attributed such things to me being me.  Which is true, regardless of any neurological difference, label, or anything.  I was, in fact, often seen as unique in a very positive light, for some of my differences.

So I have trouble with questions like "how are you treated in society" because I prefer to be thought of more as an individual, with strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, interests, ideas... just like you, me, and everyone we know.  Questions like these--even though it's not the intent of the survey--make me feel a bit pidgeonholed and I don't quite like that "feeling."

That's not to say I don't wish to be a part of the "AS community"--I do--but I'm not sure about an active role.  I do not desire to reveal my AS to anyone, and I don't want to "proudly come out."  If I was to do so, I feel I might lose a bit of what makes me unique, as these lifelong quirks/idiosyncrasies could then be attributed to a specific label.  Things might be assumed about my abilities/non-abilities that would not do me justice.

Anyhow, don't mind me, I was not intending to offend you or anyone, and I'm all for surveys and the interesting answers you get from so many insightful posters.  Merely I was trying to explain why I'm so conspicuously absent in these "tell us about your autism" threads.

Thus, I hope my view on this subject is understandable, and as such, will be respected!

Thanks a lot for all of your responses! You have all been greatly helpful and have given me a lot of insight and information to work with. I will be handing in my paper in about a month and my presentation will most likely be in January, which means that I'll have a lot of time practising my (non-existant) presentation skills. Anyway, today I had to hand in a planner and my choice of topic and my teacher gave me 9 out of 10 points. I didn't get the final point, because I didn't mention how much time I would spend on the paper and presentation. I still think there's no way I can predict how long it will take (it may not exceed 15 hours, which is a ridiculous rule!), but I can still get a total of 99 points out of the maximum of 100 points.

If someone still wants to fill in the questions, I will keep checking the replies. Thanks again for all your time and you all have my respect.

Batman55, I completely understand your point of view and I am not offended in any way. I just thought that asking my questions here would give me much more truthful information and insight than simple research on the internet could give me. I still think that. Thanks for your explanation though and your view is much certainly respected.

Silence

Dark Shamshir X

Lizmom23

garmonbozia

GuessWho

Ando

grizeldatee

energeia

Ellen

Ellen

sarahjoke

Ellen

Batman55

Silence