Aspies For Freedom

This is a follow-on from the "Joking About Autism" thread (http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthre...974&page=1). A myspace parents group has started collecting "You know your child is Autistic when" jokes.

I thought I should see if they can give as good as they get. So here goes... And feel free to add to the list.

You know you're a curbie parent if...

...you've ever nodded in agreement when someone talks about wanting to drive their autistic child off a cliff, and see no problem with them saying this in front of their child.

...your autistic child throws a tantrum due to behavioral problems, but your NT child throws a tantrum due to "being a bit tired".

...you display posters, t-shirts and ribbons implying that your child has "a piece missing", and don't see a problem with this.

...you have a DAN doctor, a nutritionist and an exorcist on your speed-dial.

...you have often felt socially awkward, have obsessive interests, and a history of autism in your family, but you still haven't put two and two together.

...you believe that the proper amount of eye contact is more important than not torturing your child.

...you believe that other forms of autism are unrelated to your child's "entirely negative" form of autism.

...you would love it if your child was able to communicate with you, but utterly refuse to attempt to understand them.

...you participate in a documentary on understanding autism, and see no problem with them talking to you for 10 minutes, and showing only a brief image of your child having a tantrum.

...you love a fictional non-autistic child similar to yours, but you do not love your child.

There's a book on comedy writing called "The Comic Toolbox" that I've read a few times. One of the things the author refers to a few times is that comedy is truth and pain - and I guess that's never more true than in this case...

Okay, outlandishly incorrect and funny - here goes!

You know you're a curbie parent if....

...you ban Bruce Willis movies from the house after mishearing that "Mercury Rising" causes autism.

...you buy gluten-free dog food for your pet, because you think he doesn't look you in the eye enough.

...your child looks at you for a short while after eating tacos, which causes you to feed them nothing but tacos for a month.

...you tell a friend to sit in an isolation tank after hearing that they've just had a flu shot.

This one made me laugh out loud, Zakkie.


Here's another offering:  

.... you think it is perfectly normal for a child to eat more pills than food.

*grins* I'm off to post some of these on curbie youtube videos... Now, where is that autism everyday clip? *grins evilly*

That is blasphemy, that is madness!

you hire a psychopath to cure your kid through prayers which involves beating you senseless

HAHA! not only would they be poorer in money but their intelligence level is bound to go down after beliveing that BS!

you tell your child to score lower on math tests in order to act normally.

you are hesitant to get your child vaccinated against infectious diseases but are willing to pump his or her bloodstream with chemicals designed to mess with one's brain.

You know you're a curebie parent if...

...you think Jenny McCarthy is a really good mum and cry when she talks about 'curing' her son

...people with Aspergers syndrome really piss you off BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE IN MY HOUSEHOLD

...you're shouting at your screen reading this

...you'd spend $30K per annum trying to force your kid to communicate with you rather than spend time trying to communicate with them

...even the roast chicken on a rotating spit at the deli in Asda/Walmart upsets you because it looks like its spinning

...you fret more about the future sex life of your 4 year old than you do enjoying their present life with them - OH NOES TEH GRANCHILLEN

...you shudder when you see a rocking chair

...you run Mac as opposed to Windows because Bill Gates is meant to be 'one of them'

You know if you are a curbie parent if ......... you do everything the school counsellor suggests when your child has a meltdown for the nth time.

LMAO!

You know you're a curebie parent if...

...the sound of the Thomas the Tank Engine theme tune makes you throw the remote control through the TV

...you hate queues because you cannot bear one more thing being lined up

...you wish your 4 year old autistic child would converse with his grandparents instead of talking about tractors with bachelor Uncle Phil who has never married, still looks about 32, wears odd socks and knows a lot about tractors "honestly I don't know where Sean gets it from"

XD

You get so angry when someone suggests you could be on the spectrum that you put your arms over your head and sit in YOUR armchair rocking.

You get so angry that someone suggested you're on the spectrum that you read up everything possible to do with the spectrum to prove the other party wrong. At the expense of food and sleep.

You really aren't angry that someone suggested that you're on the spectrum because it all makes perfect sense why you're clearly not on the spectrum - here is a graph you prepared earlier to say otherwise, just in case someone ever suggested you're on the spectrum.

What spectrum? Thats boring. I have Russian batteries. I stole them from a child's toy transistor in Siberia. Would you like to hold my battery?

I can relate to this one!!