son to self-sooth?
He is, IMO, an introvert - I even gave him an oral Myers Briggs once to see where he fell and while he was mushy in most categories he was a strong introvert. Just like his father and I. No suprise there.
BUT, I have three kids 16 months apart. AS son, 7, has a twin sister (the lone true extrovert in the family) and a younger brother who is 6. My kids have never known anything but being a group. They play together. They usually sleep in the same room. They are constantly on top of one another. As an introvert, I understand how draining this is, especially for my Aspie son. And, predictably, when he has had enough, things get ugly. The kids fight. Physically and meanly. They just don't understand the benefits - and necessity for introverts - to have that recharging time. Most of their time together is very tense and confrontational, yet they protest even more being apart.
OTOH, having siblings has been a tremendous benefit to DS. They are his social buffers. Their friends become his friends. He has learned a certain amount of social interations through them. But I think the constant interaction with them has also kept him from finding some self-soothing activites of his own. He has had his strong interests, but never the space and freedom to pursue them to his heart's content.
Any suggestions on how to encourage more individual activites or to help DS figure out how soothing introvert "recharging" activites can be??
Liz
Sounds like he just needs a little "space and freedom," per your own observation. He will find his way, just try to steer him around the bumps and potholes.
Sounds like he just needs a little "space and freedom," per your own observation. He will find his way, just try to steer him around the bumps and potholes.
One way I found to give each child their own time away from the others (I had three in 34 months, then twins after a nearly nine year gap) was to formalise it. One parent would stay at home with the other kids while the other (chosen by the individual child) would go somewhere with the solo child. They took turns. It didn't have to be a big outing - just a trip to the shops or park, or a dog walk or something.
It was a chance for them to vent feelings about each other (or even the other parent) without starting a fight! During the outing the parent was able to suggest coping strategies and afterwards they generally felt better for having 'got things off their chest'.
son to self-sooth?
He is, IMO, an introvert - I even gave him an oral Myers Briggs once to see where he fell and while he was mushy in most categories he was a strong introvert. Just like his father and I. No suprise there.
BUT, I have three kids 16 months apart. AS son, 7, has a twin sister (the lone true extrovert in the family) and a younger brother who is 6. My kids have never known anything but being a group. They play together. They usually sleep in the same room. They are constantly on top of one another. As an introvert, I understand how draining this is, especially for my Aspie son. And, predictably, when he has had enough, things get ugly. The kids fight. Physically and meanly. They just don't understand the benefits - and necessity for introverts - to have that recharging time. Most of their time together is very tense and confrontational, yet they protest even more being apart.
OTOH, having siblings has been a tremendous benefit to DS. They are his social buffers. Their friends become his friends. He has learned a certain amount of social interations through them. But I think the constant interaction with them has also kept him from finding some self-soothing activites of his own. He has had his strong interests, but never the space and freedom to pursue them to his heart's content.
Any suggestions on how to encourage more individual activites or to help DS figure out how soothing introvert "recharging" activites can be??
Liz
Liz I took that test and I am an introvert, but I am a very outspoken confident introvert LOL...
I NEED soothing and recharging time... .... My backyard as a kid was a God send... My trees to climb were my castles! I could watch the kids from a distance from the trees without having to be WITH them all the time. I never invited kids who were mean or pushy... I did invite kids to the front yard only , but the back was mine!!!!!!!! I naturally gravitated to solitude... to be able to do all the work I needed to do... I used other kids for sport activities like baseball or such... I even ride my bike by myself and loved it..
I also had my dog in the back and chickens which I took care of and received great eggs .... My mother had a garden and an orchard... so it was a personal garden of eden.
I built things in the back yard.... and it provided a lot of the down time I needed... I was never without projects... Art, building, name it... climbing.... All over the place.. trees, roof of house.... I built my own club house...like Isaid.. name it and i was doing it... In the summer i had a small 3ft deep above ground pool in the back which served my needs and I never invited kids to share it
Most my best friends did not live near me but were school mates so I was not interested in the low lifes in my neighborhood as I said.. I only invited the kids I liked.. played croquet in the front yard, mother say "May I" "Red light" ... and games like that when I wanted in the front...
My father made me a set of stilts which I used till I was too big for them... I was 2ft off the ground.
Art is also great for personal down time.... Let me know if you need for info of my world of asperger's
I don't know if this will help, cause it can get expensive. Alot of Aspies find computers or video games soothing. It's like for me, I can zone out on something I'm good at and forget about what worries me. Also they are selling more and more party games now, so you can play games with your friends.