Aspies For Freedom

You are right Alex, mental retardation doesn't really become implausable until late high school or college, totally implausible by graduate school.

"You're bringing me down, man!"

http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scrip...cript.html

It sounds like it wasn't just other people who treated her differently (I am certain she also got comments in her first pregnancy for refusing the tests...) but that SHE felt different.  Pregnancy is a shadow-time. Not yet a parent to the child, but also past the point to consider not becoming a mother.  Her guilt and emotions are underrstandable. She was grieving.  She would probably have had similiar reactions had she not tested and was presented with a second DS baby after giving birth.

I understand all the comments about acceptance for mentally *** indiviudals and people who are different in a variety of ways, period. And I agree completely. But before acceptance of these individuals there must be support for parents. Parenting a child with a disability or one who is different it hard.  It is a completely different parenting experience than most people imagine or go into a pregnancy expecting.  It can be overwhelming, scary, frustrating, expensive, bewildering, and packed with guilt. Guilt that you caused the disability. Guilt that you are not prepared to deal with the disability as best you think your child deserves. Most of all, that most basic of parental emotion - the desire to take away pain and hardship from our child and bring it onto ourselves.  

Parents who choose not to bring a disabled child into this world don't make the decision because they don't value mentally handicapped people or don't want to be around a child or adult who is not "normal". They do it because they think the pain will be overwhelming and they are afraid they won't be able to bear it.  

Support parents. Don't stygmatize mothers and fathers of autistic children. Don't blame pregnant women for their unborn baby's differences.  Don't make families go broke trying to educate their child. Don't subject families to a medical system that is chaotic, uncoordinated, and reliably variable.  Support families and those children will grow into confident adults who are valued no matter their abilities.  

Amen!

I don't disagree at all - becoming a parent is, at heart, a selfish act. One of the most selfish things we humans do. We pass on our own genes and/or get to completely influence the life of another human being. It can be supremely selfish.

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It's alot different than these parents who have a disabled child and go, "Oh no, my dreams of having a little Barbie or Ken doll to take around to all my mom friends, and brag about them as a reflection of myself are over!"
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I think this is a normal and fairly understandable reaction. It's not pretty. It can be hurtful to a child to hear. But it is also, IMO, normal. It is grief. It is letting go of an expectation - no matter how unrealistic it was.  It is a human process that has virtually nothing to do with the child and everything to do with the parent growing and accepting and moving through their journey.  

One - I apologize if my remarks were offensive or hurtful to you. I reconsidered afterward when I realized that what I wrote was very raw and emotional. My intent was not to be controversial or offensive. I appreciate that this is a sensitive subject.

That said, you actually don't know what I do or do not know from my own experiences. I did not mean to sound like I was speaking for *all* parents, and I should have qualified my remarks. However, I think my POV is not necessarily unique.  The purposes of prenatal tests are varied.  A very few conditions can be treated prior to birth, others can be anticipated and arrangements made for immediate and appropriate care after birth. Other test results may better prepare a doctor to care for the mother and baby through the delivery.  I think the tests for Downs syndrome can fall into each of these categories at one time or another.  So I do not think prenatal tests are only for abortion.  But I think that with the potential benefits of early knowledge come some very heavy emotional burdens - like the mom describes in the article. Maybe it is a positive thing to begin that grieving process sooner so as to be further along by the time a child is born?  

FWIW, I do not see a similiar necessity with ASD since there are no (that I know of) common, significant physical problems associated with the condition the way heart problems are with DS.  I would hope, however, that my children take into consideration the possibility that a child of their own will potentially have an ASD given the prevalence in the family. Not so that they will choose not to have biological children, but rather so that their expectations will be more in line with the likely reality of parenting a child with challenges instead of the rosy pictures and vauge nieve ideas some people (myself included) have prior to the real child that will be their own.