Aspies For Freedom

I've got two anti bullying policies, they're on the end of my arms.

If they hit you, just look right into their eyes and do nothing. It's good if you can do this, but bullies have a way of destroying self esteem, you would need to feel quite strong to do this.

If not, then it's best to turn and walk away yourself.
I don't think I agree, in an ideal world it is the best option, but...... unfortunately I think you need to weigh up the situation  and consider punching them back really hard and simply be prepared to cope with consequences.

I don't know if punching back is the right option for your son but if your son is not in favour of homeschooling, I wouldn't withdraw him from school. Is there another school you could send him to - bullying is so destructive.

That doesn't really sound like sexual assault to me, more like attempted rape. You know how sexually confused some bullies are, and frankly I wouldn't want to think about what might've happened if a teacher wasn't there.

I don't know why your son wouldn't want to do anything to get out of that hellish situation that he can? I'd want to run for the hills.

When I was bullied in grade 7, I tried this tactic of not reacting. THey just hit harder and attacked more viciously to try to elicit reaction from me. If I walked away, they would attack from behind. I was beaten badly (my head got hit hard) and they tried to rape me. I was lucky to get away.

My son had a horrible experience with his preschool but is having a FANTASTIC experience at his elementary school.  I have come to the conclusion over the years that "fit" is everything.  Not every child can thrive in every school environment, and there is only so much you as a parent can do to make it work when the situation is incompatible to start with.  So, given that you have clearly worked hard and within the system to solve these issues, I think you are left with only one choice:  move the child to another school.  I don't know how easy that would be to accomplish in your area, but here it is quite possible to initiate transfers within or without the district, as all our local schools have come to accept that the reality that some children need subtle differences in their school environment in order to thrive.

I have so regretted not moving my son from preschool as the evidence mounted that he was having a negative experience.  I did try, but not with everything I had, and I waited until it was too late.  Seeing what a big difference a change can make, if I ever come into that sort of situation again, I won't hesitate.  When the fit is wrong, it's wrong, and the best way to fix it is to find a more suitable school.

Good schools with Aspie children DO exist.  Ours has been amazing.  Has all teasing been eliminated?  No.  Kids are kids.  But my son feels safe and trusts that the adults and children around him will support him whenever needed.  He is happy and he has friends.  He feels that the teachers and staff like him, and can count the most popular kid in school as a friend (now that is a gift you can't buy or arrange - it's been so LUCKY for us).

I'm sure it helps that I'm involved with the school and know most of the teachers, staff, and kids.  I can see what is happening, at times, first hand, and I can talk to some of the other children directly, to get "their side of the story."  I'm not combative; it's all about coalition forming.  Being a team to benefit ALL the kids.  But my presence is also something the school has encouraged.  So it comes back to the same thing, really:  being in the best environment possible for your child to learn.

Because the idea of big changes is frightening.

The only thing I can think of is to put the kid in other
environments, too. He has to learn, step by step, that there
are other places, other people. And it will not be always
like this.

I suggest some activity that does not involve direct
confrontation with others (this is the problem with
phys.ed, mh?). What about learning to play an
instrument for a start? If possible something not
much expensive like taking acoustic guitar lessons
for groups?

He can do the learning mostly by himself, and then
go in the group and see that he can do something
cool, too. Guitar at first requires a lot of repetitive
exercises, and one gets used to the routine.

The problem is not to let the bullies define the kid's
identity. It may seem strange, but this is the danger I see:
that the kid starts thinking "I am the one that everyone
attacks, always, everywhere."

So tell him straight: It will not be always like this.

I remember I kept the bullying quite at primary. Another student wanted me to report it but I usually didn't want to. Whenever I slightly mentioned it to my parents they rejected any notion that I had ever been bullied, which didn't really encourage me to tell about it. It was just shamefull then.

I have to agree that some teachers may give preference to kids or parents who are active in the PTA, but I don't want to assume it's political.  I think it's more about presence and access.  I'm very active with our PTA, and I'm room parent for my daughter's class, and the simple fact is that everyone at the school knows our family better as a result.  They know what our concerns are, they know how we think, and they know we'll be fair.  And I'm around to be vocal in support of my kids, while knowing how to phrase it in a positive way.  Other parents may not have the information and access - not because anyone wants to deny it to them, but because they just don't have the communication.  As a room parent, I work to give every family in the class that communication, but it can be difficult.  The world helps those who help themselves.  That's a life lesson.

Your example is in the USA. Pakrat is Australian, she almost certainly meant this nasty creature:

http://www.bluemts.com.au/reptilepark/an...=16&ID=109

The King Cobra is the twentieth most poisonous snake in the world. The other nineteen all live in Australia.

Pakrat, I do know of PTA's where the women are quite political, kind of digging their own graves with volunteers, but not all PTA's are like that, and I hope that school teachers can see it and not reward these families for being that way.  The only way to fix it in those situations is to vote them out, take their place, and create a more open and encouraging organization.

I was commenting that hopefully teachers don't reward the kids because of politics, ie how much power mommy has in the PTA.

Almost every mom at our school also works.  I work part time.  Our PTA president is a man who works full time.  I realize that work schedules can make involvement challenging, but that doesn't preclude being involved, especially when you know that being involved makes a positive difference for your child.  We have a full menu of jobs that can be done outside of school hours, and some that take very little time.  Each teacher has a list of work that can be done at home by volunteers, and so on.  Not everyone is a natural at getting plugged in, I realize that, but that doesn't mean people shouldn't try.

LOL, can you guess that one of my jobs is volunteer outreach?  I LOVE making sure EVERY interested volunteer is utilized in a way they will find rewarding, and I LOVE it when I match a person and job perfectly.  Last spring I got one of our full time working single mothers signed up to do face painting at one of our fund raisers.   This woman did a FANTASTIC job, everyone was raving about her faces, and she had a GREAT time.  She had been wondering how she could "do her part", and it tickles me to know that on a lark I asked her if she might consider what ended up being the perfect job.  The mom who runs our book fair is similar - she's quiet, not social (she is actually an Aspie herself, I discovered when we were discussing our Aspie sons), but she loves children's literature and knows so much about it.  She takes on that one event every year and does an amazing job.  She is really proud to do it.

Not sure HOW we went off on this tangent ... but I hope that PTA's and being involved don't get a bum rap just because there are some snots running it at some schools.  Most are just parents doing the best they can.

It's too bad schools can't outreach to everyone.  I'm still a bit shy, so it isn't that easy for me, but I know how much difference it made when parents reached out to me, so I do my best.  There will always be many that just fall through the cracks, however, because as a group of volunteers who also work and have our own families to take care of, there is only so much someone like me can do.  It is a shame, however, because I've seen how much difference it can make for the kids when the parents feel useful and plugged in.

Heh, i've got a Trenchie myself..of course, i'm also big and scary enough as it is

You know you can talk to me if you fancy a shoulder to lean on.

Or indeed, Learn on..as I nearly spelt it.

How about getting on it then?