Has anyone had friends or acquaintences suddenly cut all contact with you?
In my experience, several poeple close to me, that I had known and hung out with for years, abruptly shut me out of their lives. Within a short period of time, two girls, that I had seen romantically and not over the years, cut contact with me: i.e. they stopped answering my calls and messages and never tried to contact me again. What made this so hurtful is the fact that they did this so suddenly and unexpectedly. One day we would be chatting on the phone or hanging out, or they would even invite me to join them, and literally the next they were gone; no explanation or apology,
I never had many friends that were girls, and this was just devastating to me, because I quickly realized a pattern as well as the notion that 'this kind of thing' doesn't happen to people....just me.
I want to emphasize that these people were not just buddies, but some of the closest friends I've ever had.
Yes! I've just met bio family.(lots of spectrum there) and suddenly, people cut all contact. I decided to go to alanon meetings cause theres much addictive behavior as well. I received a lot of great advice like..."whatever the reason, if you know you didn't do anything wrong, then it's them its not you." The people at the meeting must have told me that 50 times as when something gets under my skin, I tend to harp on the subject repeatedly. I detached from the people who "cut me off" and moved onto better, healthier, people. Shunning is another form of controls. Don't allow THEM to do this to you. If they were truly good friends they would have explained themselves better and not treated you like that. See? Good luck.
It would be OK to simply ask whether you have said or done something that offended. I have sometimes given offense where none was intended and usually this can be sorted out.
This happend to me once about 8 years ago.
Then,after I deeply begged for an explanation, a close friend explained to me that my x had called her up and threathened to burn her alive if she didnt tell him where I was...
in the same call he also told a lot of bull-rumours about me.
Bye bye friends.
Could it be that they are scared of something or someone around you,and dont dare to tell you straight out?
It is called "poisoning the well" when one or more people tell others negative things about a certain person. For years I felt like my well was being poisoned here. I would meet some one and we would have a really nice chat and it seemed like I'd finally met a friendly person and then the next time I saw them they totally snubbed me. I figure anyone so weak minded that they cannot judge a person's merits based on their own experiences doesn't make a very good friend anyway, so better sooner than later. What baffled me was who would be speaking poorly of me -- no one here knew me. I puzzled over which unwritten neighborhood rule I might have violated without intending to. And so. After many years here I have managed to make a few friends in the area .... but none are in my neighborhood. On the up side, at least my neighbors speak to me in a friendly manner now and it has been a couple of years since anyone was rude or hostile.
"Everybody is friendly, but nobody is friends...."
Another pattern I have noticed is that most of my guy friends growing up did not have girlfriends, and had little experience with relationships, just like me. But not all of them were 'different' like me, and many were very popular. Often when one of them would start a relationship, he would immediately be more distant, and not likely to return. Not because they didn't have time for me, but interest.
Back on topic, a likely reason for the ignoring is that perhaps those poeple that start ignoring you were only your friends because they were in a depressed phase in their lives. When you are depressed, it seems logical that you are likely to attract equally or more depressed friends or significant others. So when those others, for example, find an affable new bf that has tons of friends, they no longer need (or like?) the 'strange depressed guy.' And they won't go and explain this to you because they are certain it will only make you despise them.
I've had many experiences where people started ignoring me. I send kind of baffling cues because I will pull selectively mute behavior or break a teenage social custom. It hurts losing a good friend especially if you are in love with them- I suggest trying to distract yourself with something you enjoy and try new hobbies. You'll meet someone with the same interests eventually.
"I know it seems to take me two months to know if someone is a good friend or not. But by the time I've realized that person isn't really a good friend the other person thinks that we're best buds... "
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!! It's pretty cool to know another does the same thing. I can be pretty good with small talk and stupidity. It's not that I'm friendly, but when I feel pretty good I just say whatever's on my mind. Others seem to enjoy the ridiculous things I say, but I have difficulty figuring out who the nice people are from the jerks.
I also make friends that I think are okay,(very naive) then they'll stop talking to me for whatever the reason. I used to get frustrated/angry. Now, I realize I'll often say or do something to offend someone. I try to explain Asperger's to them. If they "get it," great! If not, oh well. I'm not going to be responsible for anyone else's feelings cause most of the time I don't understand them anyway. Rules of socialization, BAH HUMBUG. I usually think most people are very fake. I refuse to feel guilty any more for just being myself. After 42 years, I'm accustomed to me, I like my humor. My kids are very amused by my bizarre insights. That's all that matters.
Stick to what counts, negate the bull-s*&*, and doooonnnn'tttt dwell. It'll drive you nuts.
It's happened to me very recently. A female friend of mine. Last time we met I was helping her get through a tough time in the ways I am able to. Now she's keeping me incommunicado, no explanation. Apparently she's dating someone, though we were never romantically involved ourselves, and I'd met her through her previous boyfriend.
Can't stop thinking I was used, and disposed of once my usefulness was outlived. It hurts and is more than slightly insulting, but in the end, I figure that if people cut off contact with you for no good reason, it reflects badly on them, not on you. It's frustrating when it happens, very much so, but you do move on.
Don't worry about it. Not your fault someone else is a ****.
It has happened to me recently. Someone I thought was a good friend became increasingly distant by not answering messages, etc. They also contacted several friends of mine or my partner's and tried to turn them against us - one successfully who basically told us to 'eff off'. At the same time, this person had me banned from an internet forum that I used to chat on a lot (the person is a moderator and hit the ban button) and it all came to a head a couple of weeks ago when they phoned me out of the blue saying that the police would be called if I ever contacted any member of that family again.
I have no idea what I have done wrong, or why the depth and venom of this sudden hatred for me.
I have been reeling from these events and am deeply upset that someone can change their attitude towards you so deeply and inexplicably. It has left me not being able to trust anyone or want another friend in case it happens again.
Lately it happens to me too,like it did years ago,but this time I dont understand why.
I feel awfull inside because I dont understand what Ive done wrong.
I feel ignored