In another thread titled, "How to deal with Asperger's", we went off on a tangent about other needlessly condensed and stupid "survival guides" that we could pursue. Thought it would be fun to see where you all went with it...
This could be a whole series of Incredibly Condensed Idiotic Self-Help books:
"How to Stop Being Gay"
1. Have sex with members of the opposite gender.
"How to Stop Being a Paraplegic"
1. Go for a nice walk.
"How to Cure Lung cancer"
1. Unsmoke 10,000 cigarettes.
"How to Overcome Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder"
1. BOO!
I had a funny way to get rid of that pesky autism problem:
"How to stop being autistic"
1. Look people in the eye.
2. Be sociable in social situations.
3. Communicate about the right things at the right time.
4. Morph into a new person.
5. Make the choice to change yourself.
anyway, have any other blatantly obvious or stupid survival tips for any wierd ailment? Think this could be fun...
[edit] quote attribution corrected to Max the Bear at poster's request [couldbecousin] 
wierd... how did I put callista's name in there???
Sorry, that should say, "Max wrote"
my apologies. I will work on getting an edit...
How to make replace a missing arm
1. Start by making the fingers, then the hand and wrist, then the arm.
2. Attach it!
How to have perfectly enjoyable conversation with a group of strangers
1. Before going out, have someone tell you that they're a group of "nice", "friendly" people.
2. After that, further social awkwardness could not possibly exist, unless you're not really trying...
Aren't you supposed to be working EvilZakkie
Eep! Caught! *quickly shuffles some papers around to look like I'm busy*
How to Cure Dwarfism
1) Grow
How to Get a Girlfriend
1) make a list of 250 factors that would make a woman unacceptable
2) throw away list
3) approach 50 random girls every day and ask them to be your girlfriend
4) when this fails, increase number of girls per day to 100
5) continue until A) you are arrested or B) someone agrees to be your girlfriend
6) in case of A) refer to book "How to Get Out of Jail"
7) iin case of B) go out with girl and, over dinner, explain to her why she's going to hell
8) repeat steps 1-7 until dead
9) Ignore rules 1-8
More How To Get A Girlfriend.
(1) Frequently belch and pass wind in her presence
(2) Blame it on her
(3) Seldom bathe and never wash your hair
(4) Make an art of nose picking
(5) Always insult her mother, her sister/s and her friend/s
(6) Moan to everybody you know about how "picky" women are and how none of them ever appreciate you.
(7) Repeat steps 1-6 until you have a wide circle of friends ie. no-one wants to be get any closer than 10 metres to you.
Well, now here's a post that really aggravates the hell out of my OCD problem with vulgarity (and specific words/phrases)--now I wish I hadn't read it. My teeth are starting to grate.
How to stop being upset.
Pull yourself together & grow up!!
What gave me the idea was various self-help books by women for women telling them how to find the man of their dreams. Boiled down, the advice was to give up any trace of individuality or having their own opinions and to doll themselves up more and certainly NEVER to wear slacks or jeans.
A bit like some of the late 50' / early 60's songs.
In short if a woman doesn't do her hair & look her best all of the time...her man will find someone who does........could that have been Barbie?
How to stop being upset.
Pull yourself together & grow up!!
Not to be paranoid, but I would guess you'd be implying I should follow this advice. Which does not sit well with me.
How get your children to stop screaming:
Give them more candy.
How do you get your kids off of a sugar high:
Don't give them more candy.
What happens when they start screaming again?
Invite the grandparents over.
I became a millionaire in only 6 months.
Buy my book on how to do this for only £20.
Guaranteed success......... Ummmm.......No refunds given.
