Aspies For Freedom

Very true. Although I always thought the park bench dedications were pretty tacky as well.

On cars?? Wow I never heard of that.  Yeah it is tacky and frankly, the other drivers stuck in traffic aren't interested in sharing your grief.  Sometimes people share too much.

I was shocked and weirded out by an email sent to everyone in my company (about 1,000 people) announcing the birth of twin babies that were stillborn (born dead)... complete with details of their names, weight and length.  I think it was sent out by a co-worker of the.. er..  new mother.

I can understand that, though, in a way. I suppose that announcing their birth at least validates / confirms their existence.

Perhaps the issue is partly that I've always had the feeling that grief is a very private thing.  Isn't that why mourners go into seclusion?

Oh I see... I've just researched it a bit and was reminded that ideas about grief and mourning etiquette/rituals are extremely culture based and dependant upon location, ethnicity, era, etc..  Sometimes cultural rites are so ingrained, we fail to distinguish it from our own  feelings.

This kind of thing doesn't bother me especially but does make me feel sad. I think too often people avoid grief and grief stricken people - at least by doing things like the above, they recognise that the dead people were real and had an existence.

I admit I DON'T like hearing about morbid things.  It depresses me. This is why I never watch TV news. I always wondered why Gramma watched TV news when it upset her so much. Some people seem to feed on stories of tragedies the way some people love sad movies or disaster films.  My ex-husband used to annoy me by pointing out everyone who is now dead in movies I was trying to watch. My Siginificant Other has a ritual of listening to the public radio news as he wakes. We've now dubbed the program as "Here's who's dead".

Watching the news certainly bothers me much of the time and that might be why I haven't done so for a few months. But generally, I'm a bit morbid and have been so for a long time.

I believe the expression of grief is an individual thing. Although I wouldn’t choose to express a loss in this manner--I can see how other people might want too.

I know a couple who named a car after their child who died of cancer--“The Spirit of ****” was painted reasonably discretely on the side of car. This was done in addition the usual ‘rose bush’--and seemed to help them deal their loss.

More subtle than a sticker--but probably done with the same intent.

I do think people need to be allowed to grieve however they wish to.

I think Dad and I considered keeping sad emotions hidden and acting composed as a public duty. "Being strong" for others' sake. Not making a tragedy even more distressing for everyone by displaying distressing behavoirs or dumping on other people. We depended on each other to be an island of self control in the emotional whirlwind of other mourners.  In contrast.. one of my brother-in-law's relatives, (a notorious drama queen) made a terrible scene, screaming and trying to climb into the casket with the deceased.  It was very upsetting and awkward for everyone else who now had the burden of dealing with her too.  

Dramatic emotional displays make me uncomfortable. One of the reasons I never attend "women only" support groups is they always end up hugging and crying.  Makes me feel awkward and annoyed. I can't wait to make a break for the door. My significant other insists this is a form of "communication" in some frequency I dont recieve.  It annoys when I say I don't see why the women wasted the discussion time. I come away feeling the meeting was empty and not on topic. They leave gushing that they had a wonderful experience.

I think bottling up grief is bad for you because then you never really get to face it and it lingers on much longer.

Interesting.  Do you equate keeping grief private or internal to mean it is  not "faced"?

Ah, maybe not. But not everybody can keep grief private and by expecting them to, it puts a lot of pressure on them to cope.

I see your point.  Thank you Pakrat

I generally try and avoid the news when I can because its always the same thing(s) day in and day out about people dying, the wars, etc... etc... and It just depresses and upsets me.  

I told my grandfather one day when I was over for a week, that his news was on and he told me he didn't watch it anymore for those same reasons.