Some of you know my 5YO, Gemma, or have heard me talk about her. So I have a question about her and about your children. Are they overly fearful and anxious?
I have always said that if you surveyed 100 children and listed each of their fears Gemma would be afraid of every one of theirs and a random selection of her own.
Most of her fears are fairly normal for kids, but just loads more intense. Plus she has this ability to look completely non-fearful until the last second and then she freaks out and scares whoever she's with.
Fall is particularly difficult. Halloween is horrible, every store has halloween displays that she has to hide from or I have to coax her through them. "Just look down at your shoes and hold on to the cart/my hand... okay now its over" We also went to a farm today (she's afraid of ALL animals but is very interested in them) and one of the farm ladies seemed to try to "help" her overcome her fears and tried to nudge her toward some sheep. (hello...) thankfully I caught her before she got too close... Her school is going back to the farm this week and I'm tentative about letting her go, though she could be totally fine after going today. I'm also nervous about the school "fall festival" where there will be a haunted house and costumes. (She's also afraid of halloween costumes that are even slightly scary)
People always try to help her out of her fears, coaxing her into petting a dog or whatever. They won't leave her alone! And she puts up with it, but I can tell she's about to loose it. And even after the near miss at the farm today she's been emotional all day since. She held my hand the rest of the time while the other kids (all 3YOs) had fun with the animals.
It just seems so very odd for anyone to be THIS sensitive to everything... and SO very intense.
I'm speculating the possibility that she's playing abit, that it is more like she believes that she's expected to look frightened.
Sarah, you are not the only one with a child like this. My son is sooooo sensitive, fragile and intense I often wonder how he will get through life. Having said that he is 7 now and a LOT better then he was 2 years ago. Like your daughter he was terrified of animals especially dogs but also interested in them. As a toddler he was petrified of EVERYTHING even leaves blowing along the pavement and rustling in the wind anything that moved or made a noise, particularly people. He didn't stop screaming until he was 4. His fears are too numerous to list but at present he focuses mainly on the weather, the daily repetitive question being "is it going to thunder today Mummy?" If there is even a hint of dark cloud in the sky he is impossible to console (and for most other things as well) and is looking out of the window every 2 minutes.
Overly fearful and anxious? Yes, in the extreme! Sometimes I just can't bear it because I am seeing him suffering this emotional agony that I can't ease.
at present he focuses mainly on the weather, the daily repetitive question being "is it going to thunder today Mummy?" If there is even a hint of dark cloud in the sky he is impossible to console (and for most other things as well) and is looking out of the window every 2 minutes.
Yes!!! That's another one of our fears! And her darn school has to announce the weather forcast each afternoon so the first words out of her mouth each afternoon is, "Mommy, there are going to be thunderstorms today so we need to make sure we have batteries." (because once in her whole life the electricity went out.)
Is he very intense too? She is hot or cold, happy or sad, angry or happy. She is never mild on anything...
Erkolos- many people think that she's faking it, I really can't blame them. But she's very aware of how others perceive her and is always very embarrassed when she does loose it... so if its attention seeking or something like that she doesn't seem to relish in the attention she receives. And to that effect I really am not much of a doting mom... I worry a whole bunch, but when she does get afraid like that I set her straight, help her through the initial reaction and let her alone the rest of the day.
Randomly... at yet another party this afternoon...
they had a dog and she was totally okay with it. Though initially she was upset about it the owner said it was too scared of kids and would run away from her. So she walked right up to the playground, the dog went near her to sniff her, then saw me, 15 feet back and turned to walk towards me. She then turned back to me and smiled as if to say, "He really is so scared of me that he runs away from me." and never thought twice about him again.
Which reminds me of the time (last fall I think) when we were out at a park when she was trying to ride her bike and dogs kept walking near her (people were walking their dogs and the dogs were interested in the bike) and she kept freaking out. It was a long bike path so I said, "dogs are afraid of kids on bikes." and she was fine. Even funnier was that when she wasn't on a bike and a dog went by she would pretend to ride a bike. It was rather funny... though stressful at the time. I had forgotten about the dogs are afraid of bikes thing... have to bring that up again.
Sounds like my second son.
He was afraid of EVERYTHING!
Then I took him to the opticians - it turned out he needed glasses really badly. He just hadn't been able to focus properly, and it was that which made him so nervous. He was still a cautious kid after that - improved eyesight doesn't confer a personality change, after all! - but he gradually conquered his fears and is now a WingTsun teacher, helping kids overcome THEIR fears!
We have talked about putting her into some sort of self defense classes as well... maybe we should look into that more seriously... the dance classes don't seem to be helping with her internal sense of balance liked I hoped they would anyway...
Had her eyesight checked this year actually! 20/20! Amazing since mommy and daddy both have glasses.
It is such a shame that you do not live in England! My son has had huge success with his 'Little Dragons' classes. It is the fastest growing WingTsun school for kids in the world. And he was told that it wasn't possible for small kids to 'get' WT.
I've sat in on some of his classes. The self-confidence and self-discipline of the children is amazing, even the tiny tots. Mind you, his main motivation is gentle humour! He gets them to play games where there is an equal
Ooops!
...where there is an equal chance that the newest kid will win, and where absolutely no-one finds losing humiliating, but funny instead.
He gives out tiny prizes (coloured paper-clips) for effort that the children really cherish, and every month one child gets to be 'honorary black-belt' and gets to lead the class as a reward for community service.
My son was very fearful of our dog when he was small and then that dog passed away. A few weeks later we bought a small dachsund puppy and went into great detail with Andrew about how the puppy must be fed, given water and love or it would die because it could not take care of itself. He immediately took on the role of caregiver and protector and has a great attachment to little Erme now. It also helped him overcome his fear of some of the other dogs in the neighborhood, as well as the animals at the local petting farm.
He has never had fears about the other things you describe though, so I can't give any advice on that subject.
Figured I'd add to my "list of fears": animatronics, which also includes puppets (I assume) masked people and anyone in a full body suit (sport maskots)
This weekend we went to Charleston, SC visiting an old revolutionary war building. It was really interesting. Then we went down to "the dungeon" (yea, figured as much at that point) Which was interesting, but those darned historical people trying to make history "come alive".
She really didn't like the "realistic sound effects" that they play in the speaker system (or the ones at the aquarium), that got her started... Then the animatronics started. They are very wierd, so I will give her credit on that, if they hadn't had so many oddly scultpted other people to add effect, we probably would have been okay... So we went to go back outside and I totally (in true aspie fashion) biffed it going over the partition that keeps people from wandering around un-tour-guided. Skinned my knee on 300 year old planks of wood.
Eventually she was okay because she met a friendly pirate who talked to her about Peter Pan and gave her a "pirate coin".
So yea, in case your counting: dogs, cats (any animal that moves), animatronics, puppets, masks, anything "scary", the possibility of a thunderstorm, the power going out- even during the day, being underwater, the dark, being closed alone inside a room... I'm sure there's more!
I think Aspies have a hypersensitive Amygalda, the part of the brain responsible for flight-or-fight reactions. This would explain alot of what is going on with your kids.