10-05-2007, 02:08 AM
10-05-2007, 02:22 AM
One of my therapists said I am going through a grieving period and that it is normal for people to do so when they learn they have a disorder or such... Somedays I feel fine about it all.. I am still ME, and other days it bothers me and there is Nothing I can do about it. All these decades I thought it was learned behavior and tried to retrain myself in every possible way. But the grieving cycle usually takes a year... so I will give myself some slack till summer next year. I guess I have to grow accustomed to the fact and it takes time. What is a double edge sword is the fact, most can't tell I have aspergers. I spent 50+ years learning to be an NT on the surface in social situations . I have let my aspie side show more only when people doubt. Vernon Smith was very accurate.. I can only handle 2 -3 hours in social groups.. it drains me, unless I have a place to go an sit and regenerate enough energy to make the performance go on until I go home. It is so draining.
10-05-2007, 02:28 AM
I rejected it; I still do. I was 16, going on 17.
10-05-2007, 02:41 AM
Ando Wrote:
I rejected it; I still do. I was 16, going on 17.
I look back now and I see how some teachers punished me horribly for things that were the aspie in me. I tried so hard not to do those things.. It was easier in formal classes than in theatre classes where we would be ourselves... my aspie would come out. I could hide it in formal classes but not so easily in those subjective classes.
10-05-2007, 02:48 AM
My rejection of the diagnosis isn't really denial of any of my problems so much as it is that I feel that AS isn't really that accurate in describing what my problems are.
10-05-2007, 09:44 AM
I was happy to get the diagnosis because I finally knew why I had so much difficulty fitting in over the years.
10-05-2007, 03:02 PM
I haven't been officially diagnosed, so for me AS provided a conceptual framework that has helped me make sense of disjointed data and experiences pertinent to my life. As a reframing, it's been positive in that it's allowed for much forgiveness of myself and others. I was late 40s when I looked into it (after a second person suggested to me I might be somewhat autistic).
10-05-2007, 05:24 PM
energeia Wrote:
I haven't been officially diagnosed, so for me AS provided a conceptual framework that has helped me make sense of disjointed data and experiences pertinent to my life. As a reframing, it's been positive in that it's allowed for much forgiveness of myself and others. I was late 40s when I looked into it (after a second person suggested to me I might be somewhat autistic).
Energia that is why I call my experience a bitter/sweet pill. yes the positive is that it puts things in context, knowledge is power, I can better control my actions more accurately. But I am still grieving that what I have is not a learned behavior , I thought it was.. Something That I could control and change permenantly.
My therpaist said that grieving period takes about a year... I am getting better.. just have to become comfortable with my new clothes so to speak.
Actually I love being an aspie. I just have to become comfortable with all the new information and I have been changing some things I do when in public. Sometimes I even hide my aspiness more and others I reveal it more. Depending on the social situation.
My NT husband gets upset when someone who is a phd phsychologist who meets me socially cannot believe I am an aspie... My husband tells them.. Give her an academy award.. she is doing it for YOUR sake! He knows how hard it is for me to keep up an NT appearance more than 3 hrs.
10-05-2007, 07:07 PM
tenaciouscj Wrote:
I was happy to get the diagnosis because I finally knew why I had so much difficulty fitting in over the years.
Same here. It was like finally fitting in a missing jigsaw piece.
10-05-2007, 07:08 PM
Lace Neil Singer Wrote:
tenaciouscj Wrote:
I was happy to get the diagnosis because I finally knew why I had so much difficulty fitting in over the years.
Same here. It was like finally fitting in a missing jigsaw piece.
Lace that is an excellent analogy. I felt the same. It all made sense.
10-05-2007, 07:13 PM
From what I've seen, if you're diagnosed with AS and if you don't believe that you have it, you're probably at least partially right about it.
I don't think that it always works the other way, though.
I don't think that it always works the other way, though.
10-05-2007, 10:31 PM
Yetti Wrote:
How did you feel when you learned you had aspergers? What age were you?
I was 31 and I felt very happy.
10-16-2007, 09:31 AM
Eoin Wrote:
I got diagnosed last August. I was 24 (still am). I guess to some extent I've entered a grieving phase and still haven't gotten myself out of it. My main gripes are how others interact with me. I've ended up being punished for my diverse behaviour, probably both explicitly and implicitly.
It seems like coincidence, but I've also started seeing less of my few friends now. And friendships seem to follow similar patterns, with interaction fading away until contacts are cut, or in some exceptional cases, I discover I was used for support (or for my non-social skills perhaps) because I seem to be the last person to value loyalty when everything else falls apart (at least in the small community I seem to inhabit).
I must admit it's hard. It doesn't help that I've just started final year of my studies. I am angry at many things and at nothing in particular, yet I feel my life resulted in me being bullied into silence. I have a nagging suspicion an outside reader might not make much sense at what I've just said (I know I'm currently not), but this is how I feel.
It seems like coincidence, but I've also started seeing less of my few friends now. And friendships seem to follow similar patterns, with interaction fading away until contacts are cut, or in some exceptional cases, I discover I was used for support (or for my non-social skills perhaps) because I seem to be the last person to value loyalty when everything else falls apart (at least in the small community I seem to inhabit).
I must admit it's hard. It doesn't help that I've just started final year of my studies. I am angry at many things and at nothing in particular, yet I feel my life resulted in me being bullied into silence. I have a nagging suspicion an outside reader might not make much sense at what I've just said (I know I'm currently not), but this is how I feel.
No, I understand, for much the same thing happened to me. I still have a lot of anger over not being able to face people who gave me a hard time being being different. I used to just suck up being abused but now I tend to fight back.
10-16-2007, 11:39 AM
Lace Neil Singer Wrote:
tenaciouscj Wrote:
I was happy to get the diagnosis because I finally knew why I had so much difficulty fitting in over the years.
Same here. It was like finally fitting in a missing jigsaw piece.
I'd say it was a case of finding a way to finish the whole puzzle when it was all over the place before - speaking for myself. It was very much a day that I finally found myself when I was DXed in 1997 - at the age of 32.
10-20-2007, 10:02 PM
I've accepted my diagnosis, but I haven't accepted that there's anything wrong with they way I am.
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