I am also very interested in hearing from Aspie girls on this subject because my 12 year old daughter also does not want to grow up and I need some input on how to help her adjust. She acts immature for her age and constantly giggles at the least little thing, but those things aren't bothersome. I sense a fear in her and I don't know how to alleviate that fear so any suggestions would be very welcomed.
I think I can 'empathise' with this situation. I did not have to put up with any change by these standards as I grew, I just looked and felt the same, but taller. I did not even appear to grow facail hair till quite late because I have very blond, fine hair, so I did not shave till I had left high school (or at least not often). In affect I got away with not 'changing' much about myself right up untill the present day, and I think girls strugle to do that (sadly). My opinion is that you should (over all) let your daughter be herself, and she will move on in each area as and when she is ready. Having said that, what do I know, I'm only a stupid boy, lol
I tried not to make the same mistake with my own kids, and instigated a family tradition called 'the rude half-hour'.
I would like to anounce, winner of 'parent of the year award' Tigger_the_Wing! 
I will email that to my older brother and his missus, as refernece for my niece, although she is currently only ten months 
[/b]
Maybe this isn't the best time to post this, as I'm going on vacation Weds., but was wondering if any other parents of Aspie teens have the problem I do with Hope, which is she is terrified of growing up, getting taller, maturing. Tony Attwood does mention this as common amongst young female Aspies.
It causes problems at home for example:
1. She rolls her pants all the way up to her knee or higher because she thinks that makes her look shorter. I notice when I drop her off in the morning some kids chuckle at her behind her back. We have tried and tried to get her to believe us when we tell her she looks ridiculous, to no avail.
I hated Underwear and wore old torn clothes. In middle school in the 1960s I wore nun shoes and black tights. I never wore bras and got in trouble from the gym coach for not doing so. I hated garter belts so I wore tights or bobby socks. What made kids not chuckle at me was the fact that I made better grades than they did, excelled in Sports, art, theatre. I used my intelligence and ability to learn as a weapon. My mother taught me to be nice and never allow people to attack me.. I had great come backs that I collected. Somehow It worked.
2. Yesterday she wouldn't shop for a new bra in the juniors/women's dept. but would only buy a bra in the girls section. She is 16, 103 lbs and about 5'5" tall! I agree with your daughter , why force her to shop in the women's jr?[/u]
3. She will only wear really flat shoes. That's ok, but even tennis shoes "hold her up too high" as she puts it. I never wore heels in HS. Why push her?. I wore sneakers, flats, penny loafers.
4. I can't call her daughter- she insists on "girl child". I called my mother and father "mater and Pater" . My daughter calls us Progenators.
5. Strangers can't say things like "you're growing up" , "you're taller". She doesn't have a meltdown, but gets noticably bothered and asks to change the subject. I never liked attention given to me towards my body...its called being a teen...
6. This is possibly unrelated, but she won't wear sandals 'cause she can't show her feet. I guess she feels her feet are ugly or something.
[b][u] I think feet are ugly too ,but I spent a fortune on good looking quality shoes. Your daughter sounds very much like me and I grew up great! I did not date until 18 and still it was awkward for me.
If you are a female Aspie and were like this growing up, let me know. Did you change? Did you finally relax about all this stuff? What emotionally is at the root of this mindset?
Dear MOM..... RELAX!!!!!!! LOVE your precious daughter. Let her be HER. why do you want to change her. I was very much like her. You should be proud. My daughter NT is now 25, when she was in middle school I let her dress quirky... I bought her a blue wig to replace her want to dye her hair blue... She is now an economist on Wall Street. What can I say? NERD rule! Go take a hot bath and relax. 
email me if you have any questions... if you would like to see my space about me and my family.. email me.
I am a 17 year old Aspie that people assume I'm either 40+ (speech etc.) or 12. I can relate to some of Hope's feelings:
1. The pants- I wear women's pants usually since when you are 5'7 and 125 pounds with a female body that started changing in early 5th grade- mine are high waisted or slightly above the belt line because I'm not comfortable showing off my body and I know people snigger about it.
2. Shopping for clothes- personally I hate buying bras, instead I wear camisoles because they feel more comfortable- I only wear bras when excercising. My mother thinks I dress really odd for school- I have tons of knee length socks from the girl's department with skirts that look more like something you'd see on a 7th grader- I'll wear older looking clothes for church and dances though.
3. The mother endearments- I blush when she calls me young woman, I wish she'd just call me her daughter or girl.
4. Comments from strangers- I usually get very quiet when people give me compliments about how grownup I am- especially from guys.
5. My interests- I still watch anime from when I was six and have a huge stuffed animal collection.
My advice would be let Hope be herself, her interests are fine etc. she's just a little nervous about growing up. Coach her gently about public behavior and accept her idiosyncracies. Why rush growing up when she's having fun. The media pressures girls to grow up too fast- just look at the fashion dolls at the toy store and you'll see what I mean! Many Aspies flourish better as an adults because they have had more time to gain experience and grow naturally. Sometimes natural growth is slow.
Get a job and diagnosed.. that will help you with those mental images especially about your own self image. A good professional will find the other challenges which you are facing. Hanging on boards from one country to another for state welfare doesn't help anyone. Canada I am sure is next.
You quite obviously know nothing about Tigger, if you did you would be aware of her health problems.
I'm afraid that you are an evil old woman, who cruelly delights in causing unhappiness & havoc, this indicates to me that you are also a very unhappy woman, whatever you may say to the contrary.
Coffee....tea anyone ?
I know what I read on your posts and profiles.
I'll have a coffee, thanks. Decaff. cappuccino, please!
The Alice in Wonderland Imaginary Mad Hatter tea party is not even cute they way its being used on this board where folks are trying to find information and help about aspergers.
Any one who wants help and information can join our tea-party-coffee-fest. Trolls not invited.
Thank you for proving my posts
Guardian they are not on topic.. its trolling... and emotional immaturity beyond aspergers.. its just low class.... by doing what they are doing.. it proved all my past posts on the topics.
Any one who wants help and information can join our tea-party-coffee-fest. Trolls not invited.
Thank you for proving my posts
i'm confused how is any of this on topic yetti?
I am called a snob...now low class.
..........................tea... & coffee with ice cream...perhaps we will take with the Waterford glassware & Harrods China using our silver Kings pattern cutlery.
Now I've got an affogato craving...
While I'm neither a qualified psychologist nor could do a proper evaluation of that type from just a short summary of your perspective I have suspicions about what might be going on, behind the scenes if you will. It is a known tendency for human beings to want to try to go back to the ways things were before, if the present situation is bad. A less extreme version, being a not uncommon fondness for childhood.
In of itself this isn't unreasonable, however it is an escapism and thus by its nature fundamentally something is ultimately damaging to the person utilizing it.
I would suspect what it ultimately amounts to is as puberty hits the entire group is thrown into a kind of persistent insecurity as they're ability to feel in control, and the underlying able to deal with things is undermined. This leads to an increase in activities that give an ultimately artificial feeling of being in control, many of which those vulnerable to exploitation such as your normal AS individual would end up being the victim of. If they've been diagnosed they also probably have an additional extra level of not being able to feel right with themselves operating. This would tend to make them feel even less in control, and their avenues to reaffirm a sense of being in control are naturally much more constricted. That could easily lead to trying to use such an escapism in that manner. Don't tell me, but that's irrational. The day I meet a truly rational human is the day computers take over the Earth.
Simply attacking the behavior would only serve to aggravate the underlying problem if this is the case. Instead perhaps the emphasis should be on addressing the underlying problem, although I'm also not truly qualified to tell anyone how to do that. My suggestion however would be non-patronizing activities and techniques to help her be able to feel in control and able to deal with things. The trick would be doing it in such a way so as to not aggravate the already aggravated problem.
*Checks Batman's profile.*
A maybe, kind of? Dang and here I thought I might have a solid external example showing it doesn't require extra-long minicolumns to go super Static. I've been official for eight or nine years by now, sir.
Well then seems as how it's clear you didn't pay good attention instead preferring to go defensive while riding your existing minicolumns I'll just say the moderator got it right and you should probably take some time out to read the works of Dr. M Scott Peck. I should point out these are about what could be presumed to be members of the neurotypical conglomerate.
If I was going to attack anything it'd be the ubiquitous trial and error scheme, which has shown itself to be utterly worthless. Men have been trying figure out women with the strategy for how many centuries now, and they made how much progress with it? What we need is much more then that little gap they've futilely tried to bridge.
I decided a long time ago I wasn't going to just lay low, as nothing happens to improve things with that strategy. One of the things I've developed is a pretty solid understanding of how humans operate, that recently seems to give as good a lock on as anyone could hope for. You want to curl up on yourself, fine. I shoot for greater heights. I have no intention of wasting time merely trying to futilely emulate the NTs, for I am not one nor would want to be one, I intend to optimize for how I operate and take full advantage of the unique capabilities my shorter minicolumn system offers.
A problem cannot be solved by the level of intelligence that created it.
I am also very interested in hearing from Aspie girls on this subject because my 12 year old daughter also does not want to grow up and I need some input on how to help her adjust. She acts immature for her age and constantly giggles at the least little thing, but those things aren't bothersome. I sense a fear in her and I don't know how to alleviate that fear so any suggestions would be very welcomed.
I am 18, just turned this age a couple of days ago, even now I dread this. As my birthday was coming up I got scared. I am scared of the independence it signifies, I feel like I can no longer ask my Mom for help with anything, I am afraid that I won't be able to handle everything, and my life will begin to fall apart.I'm not all that great at making decisions, and now I feel as if I have been abandoned. My mom said, "I can't tell you what to do, you're an adult." I cringe at the word adult, it's scary, the freedom is scary, and yet the suffocation of being required to handle business is also scary. I'm still like a child in many ways, so just because a number has changed how I am viewed doesn't really mean anything,to me. Just sharing some of my fears. Sorry, if this isn't exactly uplifting. To help your daughter adjust you should make sure she knows that if she needs help she can always ask you, while some people think this is stifling, for me, it just assures me that I can do things myself, but if I do need help there's someone there to help me. Remind her that growing up is a part of life, it is inevitable. Don't rush her to quickly into the role of an adult when she turns 18, it might scare her, or maybe that's just my opinion. As she grows up, slowly treat her like she is older, give her more responsibilities(not too many, can be overwhelming)
At 17, I finally went shopping on my own, I felt so accomplished, I've gone many times with my family, but never for food on my own. It was great, not very difficult, and I felt so grownup, it sounds like a childish activity, but it showed me that I was growing up. Even things like that make us feel grownup, and proud, at least for me. I'm getting over these fears, you're daughter probably will too, and it may not take her as long. Good luck, I mean that in the best possible way.
I did this, sort of.
For me it was mostly not being in touch with changing fashions and what other girls were talking about, and as a result of that not being particularly interested in dressing grown up/sexy from an early age, like many girls are. I didn't 'get' how I was suppsoed to dress. I don't think I ever deliberately dressed younger, but to this day I still wear T-shirts, jeans and sneakers nearly everywhere, so it could look that way. Plus there's your body changing, and a lot of Aspies dont' like change, so there's possibly some inherent trauma there, and by refusing to dress older, it's a way of denying the changes are taking place.
I resisted wearing a bra as long as possible, until nature and gravity intervened. For me it was a combination of not wanting to wear one, and finding them very uncomfortable for (I think) sensory reasons. I'm still very fussy, can't wear anything made of certain fabrics, with lace or wire, seams in the wrong place etc etc. Similarly with shoes - I only wear flatties because I can't walk properly in heels, even little heels, and aren't comfortable in them.
I did a bit of funny dressing of my own, but my family never actually had the kindness to *tell* me I looked silly. I grew out of it. Eventually.
Funny dressing,my sister and Mom told me about this when I was younger, "you shouldn't wear this." and "you shouldn't wear that." For about 2 weeks in the beginning of the school year, I tried hard to wear things that were "acceptable" but I couldn't keep being so uncomfortable, so I went back to how I usually dress, which is jeans,a big t-shirt, tennis shoes, and a jacket, not all that weird, but not like a typical teenage girl(though I am eighTEEN now) Whenever I try my own style of wearing "acceptable" clothes, my family asks "what are you wearing?" I thought it was a very cute outfit, apparently NOT.I have yet to grow into grownup clothing.I still look like a teenager, though technically I am an adult.