Aspies For Freedom

I was very confused growing up as well, and it didn't help that:

a) I was the oldest child in my family; and
b) I grew VERY fast - I was my full adult height of 5'7" at 14.

It is really hard to 'stay in the background' when you are the tallest girl in your class, as well as the oddest.

My parents were too strict/embarrassed to discuss 'teen culture' (if that's not an oxymoron ) and so I was baffled by the conversations of my peers as they changed subject from dolls to boys. I tried not to make the same mistake with my own kids, and instigated a family tradition called 'the rude half-hour'. (Called that because when they were younger it was all about the use of swear words)

The rules were:
Any of the kids could start it, but had to ask permission first. If the timing was awkward, they HAD to accept a deferment to a mutually convenient time and the adult would make sure the deferred half hour happened;
The adult would not be shocked or angered by anything the kids said;
No punishments would be meted out for anything said, e.g. swearing;
Anything said would not be held against the speaker;
No topic was taboo;
It ended EXACTLY half an hour after starting. We claimed that their dad and I would not remember anything said during 'the rude half-hour'.

During the 'the rude half-hour' anyone could:
Say any of the 'new words' they had learnt and ask for a definition;
Ask any question on any topic they liked and expect an honest answer;
Insult anyone they wanted to;
Just be silly.

I started this as a way of finding out exactly what was being discussed in the primary school playground without having to quiz them!

It became an hilarious diversion on long journeys, and was usually light-hearted - most six-to-eight-year-olds seem to love a chance to say poo-bum (or worse) a zillion times on the trot without being told off! But it gave me a chance to correct mis-information that they had picked up re. drugs, sex etc. without being the big, bad bossy mum.

Of course, outside 'the rude half-hour' they were still forbidden to swear or be rude and they accepted that such things upset a lot of people. Having that safety valve made the usual constraints on behaviour easier to bear. As they grew older one would sometimes come up to me and ask if they could privately have 'a rude ten minutes' if there was something that they wanted to discuss with me but weren't sure of my reaction in 'normal mode'.

Thank you for that. it is very sensible.

Male readers stop here. Thank you.

BTW: I still hate bras - I wear stretchy support sports tops instead.

I know where you're coming from, Yetti, and individuality is a wonderful thing.  But I wish someone *had* told me, as a child/teen/young adult, when I was making a fool of myself.  But nobody had sussed I was different, and they assumed I knew what I was doing.  I didn't.

It's one thing to consciously disregard social rules and be confident in yourself, it's another to actually want to fit in, but not be able to 'get' the social rules enough to make it happen.

I also think it's pointless and unkind to force aspie children "out of the nest" before they are ready. They are often quite prone to being taken advantage of and it's better that they are relatively safe at home than out in the big bad world before they have the mental tools to cope.

It also needs to be acknowledged that some will never be able to go out and live on their own, even if highly functioning intelligence-wise.

I'm getting a mental picture of a certain Hogwarts professor......

Get a job and  diagnosed.. that will help you with those mental images especially about your own self image.   A good professional will find the other challenges which you are facing.  Hanging on boards from one country to another for state welfare doesn't help anyone.  Canada I am sure is next.

your not either Yetti

what hooligism? never hear that word be fore.

And my point is, I've not heard of an Aspie (of any age) who doesn't have a tendency to "float off into their own world" and protect themselves.  Some do it with a very brutal "faux confidence" kind of thing; others are more withdrawn and introverted.  And I've rarely heard of an Aspie who doesn't have escapist tendencies.

Well said. Isn't the point of this site to give us freedom to be ourselves?

That's what I thought