Aspies For Freedom

i was watching dr. phil today, and there were a bunch of kids (probably all nt) having tantrums like nothing else.  one of them had these pretty much non stop and many times a day, throwing things over fences and the such.  

now the funny thing is that these are the sorts of arguments used in anti-autism propaganda that tells you that autistic children just do hissy fits all the time and such.  but here, we just see that any child can have a tantrum, and it's not just autistic kids.  why does it feel like an nt tantrum is more normal "bad behaved child" than an autistic tantrum when it's "they are monsters?"

It's nuts! Of course NT kids chuck tantrums. They do it because they want something and if a tantrum gets the parent to change their mind they'll think - "Oh good! All I need to do is chuck a fit and I can get whatever I want!" That's bad parenting - not an ASD meltdown!

It's no wonder parents try to get an ADHD DX when it's too late, when it was all their fault to start with!

I can't get to You Tube this morning for some reason. I'll look at the video when I can.

" who says nt children don't have tantrums?"

Uh, nobody in the history of the world ever said that NT children don't have tantrums.

Always stay slightly amused by, and never, EVER, give in to a tantrum.

It is the one thing that I thought was most important to be consistent with.

Even if I had been intending to give them a treat, a tantrum would guarantee the treat would be withheld. Only from the tantruming child, of course!

As they grew older, I introduced a new concept - I might be persuaded, by reasoned arguments appropriate to the age of the child, but could NEVER be bullied by bad behaviour. That helped them develop great negotiating skills.

I rarely got tantrums from any of the children after the 'terrible twos' (you're right, of course, tenaciouscj - they start MUCH earlier than that!) until they reached their teens.

That was the best part about having the twins turning two just as the older three were entering adolescence - I could compare the two lots of 'tantrums'!

No teenager likes to be told "You are behaving exactly like your baby brothers do", although it kept ME sane!

Meltdowns are a totally different kettle of fish. The child in a meltdown has lost control of him/herself - s/he can no longer cope emotionally with the situation and it can take a long time to regain that control. It is really important that adults stay calm during a meltdown because of the escalating emotions.

Absolutely right, Erkolos.

My thoughts exactly.

In what I've observed of kids, they have tantrums (especially the so called "terrible twos") because they lack the means to express themselves verbally. People think it's always bad parenting, but it's not. Because the kids of good parents are not immune to this. Of course I'm not saying that if they are spoiled or whatever they won't have more tantrums -- of course kids can be manipulative. It's a survival "thing".

I think autistic kids tantrums are worse. Temple's were sure bad when she was two. I think that's what the differenmce is between autism and NT kids having a tantrum.

My brother went through a tantrum stage, until one day my mum happened to have a camera with her and she took a photo.

I tend to agree with Erk in that it varies - but when one looks at it as a sensory overload, this is absolutely right. Sensory overloads lead to meltdowns (which is the autistic version of a tantrum) and don't go away until the overload is relieved. Now it depends on what has caused the overload as well (that can also vary) as to what will calm it down. It may be turning down the radio or shutting a door because of a draught that no one else can feel. Or it could be cigarette smoke (that's a trigger for me BTW).

I was extremely fortunate with my children in so far as I only ever recall one tantrum..this was My oldest at around two years.
He threw on int the middle of the town, I just put him over my shoulder without a word & held him by his legs with one hand / arm, whilst pushing his sister in the pushchair with the other & just calmly walked home.
There was never another.
I always told them the truth & if I said either yes or no, I meant it & they knew it.
So if they were naughty & I said stop it or.... they knew that the or would be carried out.

Just fortunate.

I got this strategy from my therapist when ever my little sis annoys me. I just say:
"STOP ARGUING! I'm too old for this!"

Yes - that is my understanding as well. Although being told "no" did set up huge levels of frustration in my son and he couldn't handle the feelings of frustration and he would meltdown/tantrum. He hated his meltdowns - I remember he once said to me 'mum, I just get so angry - I wish I could control my anger' - we worked out that jumping shower when he felt a meltdown coming on - seemed to help.
He would love to have friends around - but then the excitement would cause him to meltdown. Not easy.

Hmmm.... my kids are tantrumers... I guess I've always seen their tantrums as frusteration. When they're younger its frusteration because they can't do what they want (push the doll stroller out of a corner) when they're older its frusteration because they can't control their world, which may be considered manipulation. My oldest is just so darned sensitive, saying no really just breaks her heart... not that I don't say it, but rather, I expect the reaction to it.

I did get the impression from some of the "diagnose your kid" sites and some of the curebie sites that spectrum kids are the "only" ones that have tantrums. You know, because they're so "difficult" At any rate a lot of the vids you see are of autistic kids in meltdown mode...

As autism is a spectrum disorder, I can't see any reason why an AS child can't have tantrums.

Also since many there are so many rhetorical tales of children ' who developed normally until...xxxyyy happened ..' I suppose in these cases ( assuming that they are true ) that the children may well have had tantrums as opposed to 'meltdowns'.

tenacious, I don't think its more common, maybe more allowed.

But in my mind the things that cause my kids' tantrums would still exsist hundreds of years ago. Such as understanding your physical limits and the limits that society puts on you.

I can't imagine those things were any harder to learn then than they are now. But children were treated very differently even fifty years ago, so it may be more prevelant. Also I don't think that people took young children out as often, though that is entirely theory on my part.