Aspies For Freedom

Hi- I'm a newbie, my son has just seen the educational psycologist and it's official - he's on the spectrum! This isn't a surprise to me - I'm the SENCo in a primary school(which both my children attend) and obviously had a few pointers during his life (he's now 9). I have no idea what happens now as he is my first ASD pupil! I can see I've got a lot of reading to do on here and was so glad I googled and found the site. I've been told we will visit a panel as a family and that he might not get a 'label' but things got a little muddled in my mind after that and I could really see how parents can get confused when faced with this kind of 'reporting back'. If someone could guide me through the procedures I'd be grateful and without sounding too thick would like advice on when and what to tell my son! (Also need a discussion on the birds and bees - not looking forward to that one either and I always thought it would be easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Thanks guzzy

Welcome to ya!

AFF is maybe in a middle of a conflict, but many frequent visitors are very interested in practical daily issues of autistics and parents too.

Ok first things first, tell him a few things:

-He can't "hide" his emotional state from other people, I used to 'shrivel up' or 'turtle' whenever I was in class, that's the worst thing he can do.  He has to learn to 'remain calm' no matter what so he doesn't increase the chances of being picked don.

-He "leaks" how he feels to the outside world (people can see it / pick up on it)

If you know any of his school mates that are his friends you should poll them for how they perceive him, then carefully wrap how he comes off around others and tell him what he can do about it.

The rules of what a man should do to get a date with a girl basically  apply for good social relations!  (who'd a thunk it??) fresh breath, clean cut look, decent clothes, CLEAN.

-If he is fat or overweight he may be a magnet for bullying (most likely), if he is you need to thin him out, you MUST intervene IMHO, I was overweight most of my life and it did SEVERE damage to me psychologically and socially (I was unaware of how repugnant looking I was  , so it's little wonder it also hindered my social interaction)

best to teach him how to lose weight go look at http://www.johnstonefitness.com read johns story, and you can pretty much download and use the forums to ask others for what you'd need.

Also if you can you should give him an idea of what he looks like when he socially interacts with other people, he needs it "reflected back" at him.  I was TOTALLY oblivious of what I was projecting around people until I was 21 years old, this meant I had no concern for fashion, how I looked, etc... which is pretty important -- because it communicates:

1) You take care of yourself
2) You value yourself highly enough to give people a good impression of you and not to offend their senses.
3) 'subconsciously' people who don't take care of themselves send out negative vibes (are they losers? anxious? etc?)

Bullying is often a big issue for children with AS.

But I'm not sure if SoulSick's tips works for everyone.

In my case a sense of humour could stop all bullying, self-irony that didn't come naturally at first, but I found it a great way to escape uncomfortable situations.

9 year old huh? humm let see tell him *after* you've researched more about his uniqueness.be straight with him do *not* under any circumstantaces tell him he is ill or sick or wrong becuase of this the him hes different but not bad or broken just diferant and be prepared to take on the worst case senrions, this not to scared you but depression is more likely for teens on the spectrum,i speak from exceprance. be his confandent if this happen and his avicote.

wrong in terms of that he him self  by just being here is Wrong. the trick is be honest and keep his self asteam up if at all possible but do not lie to him.

Welcome,i think you will like beeing here.

Welcome to AFF!

Tim

Thanks everyone - he's my boy and I'm proud of him- no way do I think he's sick or that there is anything wrong with him - he's unique and always has been! Love him loads and just want him to be whatever he will be - but a happy one. He has no issues with his weight(av.weight for age)  or how he looks, self esteem is a bit low in school (can't always see teacher's point of view & hates group work) but he's happy. All I want is to deal with this next part of his life responsibly and correctly so that he will always have the answers. Would hate him to be bullied and am aware that by being in 'my' school he is being sheltered - I have a good relationship with all the pupils and hope this respect is also given to my family so he hasn't had bullying issues so far but when he moves on who knows!

i'm glad just watch out for ages 12-15 if there will be  any bulling the majorty willbe in between theses ages.

Yeah, like John Locke says - "Don't tell 'em what they can't do!"

AFF is maybe in a middle of a conflict

Erkolos, would you mind elaborating on this?  If you can.

Nadine