Aspies For Freedom

http://www.news.com.au/mercury/story/0,2...62,00.html


Hell of autistic boy's mum
Article from: The Mercury

DAVID KILLICK

September 19, 2007 12:00am

A MOTHER who abandoned her severely autistic teenage son to state government officials has revealed her anguish at leaving her beloved child.
The woman, who cannot be identified, says she was driven to desperation by the lack of government services as her family disintegrated around her.

The 15-year-old boy had been sexually assaulting his mother, teenage sister (who has Asperger's syndrome, a mild form of autism) and baby brother.

Unable to get help, the woman left the boy behind at a meeting with government officials two weeks ago.

In a moving account of her lone struggle to cope with her son's demands while looking after her other children, she said governments were letting down the families of autistic children.

"The last 20 years have been hell on earth. The last six months have been been the most hellish of that hell," she wrote.

"I am aware that there are those in the community who regard me as a heartless woman who was prepared to walk away from her severely disabled son.

"It was not until I felt that all possibility of a solution was removed from me that I broke. And every step along the way I have been betrayed by those who should have been there to support and encourage me.

"We were in crisis and I could see no other way to get us the help we so desperately needed. I did the only thing left open to me."

A court hearing today will determine the boy's immediate future but a longer-term solution is yet to be decided.

The mother said her situation was typical of families who struggled against buck-passing by government departments.

"For too long, autistic children have been pushed into the too-hard basket by government agencies responsible for their happiness and welfare. I should not have had to struggle against those in authority to prevent my family from being destroyed in the way that it has been," she wrote.

Child and Family Services director Mark Byrne said yesterday he could not discuss the case in detail, but the department was working to find a way to help the mother and look after her son's best interests.

"We're not in a position to provide 24-hour in-home care," he said.

"The mother was indicating very strongly that she doesn't believe she's going to be in a position to have him back, but she'd like to be a part of his life.

"Quite clearly in this case everyone's trying to do it to work out where his long-term future lies and what supports are required for him to live, hopefully back home with mum and, if not, where that may be.

"She will always be his mum and she will always play a part in his life."

If this part is true, then autistic or not, it's unacceptable behavior and he should be in jail or some form of institution.  Sexual assault should not be permitted and go unpunished just because someone has a disability. And  just because he's acting out on his mother, sister and baby brother doesn't mean it isn't a crime that the police should ignore.

I fully support her decision.

Sorry, I forgot to put it in quotes.

it looks to me, that she tried desperately to get help & was denied it, the same old story really.
IF you're pushed ( by lack of services), far enough to say, dump your elderly relative / disabled child into A&E with a note, The Authorities HAVE to take notice.

look at Ratna, from what I can gather, they are hardly queueing up to help her.

Yeah. They didn't state how severe his autism is; he might not understand much about sexual assult.

Leaving a child is a horrible thing, but so is letting your child hurt his little sister and brother. It doesn't matter if he can understand what he is doing or not, the other kids as well as the mom are still being affected by it.

As long as she doesn't totally abandon him, I really think she's doing the right thing.

Of course, it would help to know the whole story.

I tend to agree - a lot of people try to make excuses for autistics behaving in negative ways, but there's some lines that it's not okay to cross for anyone - sexual assault being one of them.

The only difference "not understanding" should make is whether the person is removed to a jail, or an institution.

Probably a single mom... dads leave often enough, and, unlike moms who leave, usually don't take the kids when they do.

Yes it is much the same in the UK, also although the carer may be entitled to an allowance of £40+ per week = $40+ spending power in the USA, this is reduced by £1 for each £1 earned over £70 per week ...so most don't receive even this pittance. Children who are caring for a parent receive much less.

Regarding actual physical help, here it very much depends upon where you live, we call it ' post code lottery '.
One Social Service area may give a reasonable amount of help, another none or very little, another may decide that you have no rights &  interfere with people's lives to the point of actual harassment eg forcibly & illegally removing a child because the mother has AS.
( even when the AS person has a huge family network prepared to help ).
See also Gareth & Amy's experiences with the aptly named SS.

It is just the same here.

I am old enough to have worked in the old geriatric wards, old mental hospitals & old Mental handicap hospitals & have seen & worked with all of the changes over nearly 40 years. If I had a choice, I would rather be placed in the non existent geriatric ward than a modern privately run nursing home.
The Mental Handicap hospitals a few years prior to closure, were much better & kinder than many of the new alternatives.
This is only my own opinion based upon what I have seen & where I have worked.

Yes I agree  that the two appear contradictory, unfortunately we never have the entire story in any of these cases.

If a mother just killed a child solely because 'she felt that the child shouldn't live as it wouldn't have a normal life',  is a different issue to 'a mother kills a child because she herself has become unbalanced due to lack of help from the Authorities'.

Incidentally whilst rereading the original article

...the boy is 15!  so other things  which have not been mentioned, have been going on.

In my own opinion Mental illness  / incapacity/ neurological wiring is not a good enough reason to continually  behave badly ie. the boy in this instance.

A one off incident eg even murder  could be justified due to mental health breakdown caused by circumstances.

Yes, he certainly won't get better on his own. For the sake of his family and society, he needs help but I wonder if the authorities will handle the situation with sensitivity and decisiveness. I'd like to think so but my faith in bureaucracies to do the best thing is rather low.