Aspies For Freedom

I've noticed that you do seem to take personally posts that are not directed to you. It's almost as if some kind of internal critic is activated by what someone says and it triggers insecurity or anger or whatever in response.  So you have this reaction, and, as a thread reader, I think:  "Say what?" "C'mon Batman, the person was saying what he or she thinks--you're not a target and you don't have to fit with it or agree with it."  It's made me puzzled about what theory of mind you are operating with.  Seriously.  I've been tempted at times to add the qualifier (Note to Batman, I'm not talking about you) but doing so would be ridiculous.

In this case, however, Note to Batman:  I am talking about you.  You are a puzzle.

Yup!
And sometimes I still think there's something wrong. But all in all I've had a good and an interesting life.  I feel grateful. But parts of it majorly sucked until I got  into my late 20s.  It's hard to be clueless, to not feel normal, to wonder what is wrong and why.  Later on, it's fun to celebrate uniqueness.  

My opinion--I think it's natural for parents to encourage their kids to work to improve on their weaknesses, thereby making for an overall well-rounded person.  For aspie kids, though, it might make more sense to encourage kids to improve on their strengths to help to solidify skills and self-worth.

ta-tatatatatata-ta-ta (attempt at a drumroll)
Welcome to AFF, matthe

It could be something of a matter of interpretation as to what constitutes autism-related costs as the insurance companies might try to squib out of paying for the cost of treating co-morbids such as depression and bipolar or other conditions which frequently interact with the autism.

It isn't always easy to tease out how much of a person's troubles are due primarily to autism and how much to any co-morbids they might have. Each aspect is likely to amplify the effects of the other/s, and it would take the wisdom of Solomon to determine a fair pay-out.

Marieke, I think taking care of a family takes plenty of intelligence and you're young so there is plenty of time to worry about going back to school later on if that's what you wish to do.

I also agree with your other comment that an emergency C-Section is NOT a normal part of birth.

But insurance will get too expensive if it pays for all these treatments.

jewelie,

To me, the practical matter, what I've seen as a parent, is that knowing as soon as possible what is going on with a child will prevent years of being missunderstood, expected to accomplish what cannot be accomplished, being labeled lazy, and so on.  In other words, being able to work with that child in a way appropriate to how he thinks from the get-go, before the child has accumulated so many negative and frustrating experiences that he can do nothing but hate school.

I don't need a study to tell me how many people on this forum battled school teachers and officials their whole lives, and hold anger because of it, and I don't need a study to know that my child, because of a wonderful special education team, loves learning, loves school, and is completely comfortable within his own skin.

Is one experience representative of the whole?  Not usually.  But there is logic there, if you ask me, if the different results.

PS - I wouldn't expect you to be any different, lol, btw.  But sometimes all we've got are the personal stories, and those pile up really heavily in one direction when it comes to this question.  It makes sense, doesn't it?  That the earlier you can be worked with at your level, in a way appropriate to how you think, the better off you will be?

I think the problem, Batman, is that without some sort of early intervention or special education evaluation, it simply isn't likely that the world will "let a kid be," if that kid doesn't entirely fit the mold the world has for kids.  Undiagnosed Apsie kids can get labeled as lazy, being a behavior problem, and so on, none of which helps them in the least, and all of which create unnecessary frustration for everyone concerned.  It's a sad reality, but it IS reality.  If you have to get professionals involved before anyone will let a child be as they need to be, then so be it.  You will affect that change much more rapidly than you will be able to change how the world works.  I have a very pragmatic side, lol, in case you haven't noticed.  As a parent, I've learned to work the world in whatever way I need to in order for my kids to thrive and be happy.  There isn't time within their childhoods to create a true utopia, so I mold the immediate world best I can for them.

My  son would have had a happier preschool and K experience if he had been diagnosed earlier.  I am just grateful that we got the information and the special education qualification no later than we did.

Nothing snide was intended.  I am sorry you saw it that way.

My perspective was simply that as a practical matter I could have told my son's teachers until I was blue in the face that he is just a kid, and should be allowed to be who he is, but until I had a professional behind me saying that he can't be force into a mold, no one was listening to me.  It was easier for the preschool director, for example, to decide that my son was the way he was because I was a bad parent, than because his brain was wired differently, and, yes, that preschool director as much as told me that my son wouldn't act the way he did if I was doing my job as a mom.  So, no one was about to 'let him be" until I was able to have a professional say, "hey, he's an Aspie, stop trying to make him NT, and stop blaming the parents!"  If that sounds snide, I am sorry; it is not snide towards you.  It is anger I still have left towards that preschool director, who made my child's life diffcult for several years and I have horrible guilt that I couldn't at the time see it for what it was.  I am simply grateful that I have encountered far wiser professionals at our elementary school.

That is the really difficult part, isn't it?  A lot of parents are control freaks, with a vision for their children, and they believe that acheiving anything less will reflect poorly on their parenting.  I do think that eventually every parent to a child on the spectrum has to learn to let go of that, but damage can be done before that personal growth to the parent hits.  Hopefully the professionals and the parents can keep each other in check on this, more often than not, but it isn't a perfect system.  An older child, like mine, will also act as an effective check on it, but a toddler cannot be expected to.  I am not sure where the answer on that lies, to be honest.  I guess time will tell if what is gained is outpacing what may be lost due to poor judgement.

Good points, featherways.

My son never participated in any of that, so I really don't know what the goal with it is.  It would be good to have that information.

I am glad that I was able to explain myself better and that you were willing to listen.  Thank you for that.

I still find it easy to be missunderstood around here, but that is important for me to know.  Working on clarity in communication is a good thing.

I personally don't think a parent should force anything "optional" on children.  Sell, sure.  Be a little pushy at times - maybe.  But force, no.

You have me a little worried about if I should be trying to follow my son's OT's rec that he always be involved in some sort of sport.  So far, he has played soccer every season and he tells me that he really likes it (even though it is obvious to everyone, including him, that he is the weakest player on the team).  It hasn't been without stress however, because he likes the games but hates practice.  We have asked him to think up something else he would be willing to enroll in for in-between, and for when soccer gets too competitive for him (we thought that would be this year, but he wanted to give it a go, and so far it's been OK).  He has expressed some interest in gymnastics, because he is very flexible, and it's an individual sport, and I do think he might enjoy it non-competitively.

It does get tough as a parent to know when to push a little, because you truly believe the child will get something positive from the activity that he just can't see right now, and when to listen to your child, because he is trying to tell you something real and important.

My son tried snow skiing for the first time this winter, and had a great time.  It was his decision to try, and my husband was very patient, allowing our son to go up and down a little mini hill instead of going up on the chair lift (exhausting for my husband, lol, all that trecking!), but it is so very important to allow a child to experience this sort of thing at his own pace.  I was really proud of my son.  All physical sports are difficult for him, but he was so proud of himself for doing this, and actually managing to succeed!  I hope that he never limits on the things he wants to do, assuming he WANTS to do them.

As someone who is "none of the above," I would like to think that my "outside/objective" perspective here has some bearing.  I apologize, for I am about to speak in shades of gray, but diagnosis IS about shades of gray.

The problem throughout medicine is that diagnosis is, in large part, art, not science.  If you've been around the block a few times with different medical and mental conditions, you figure this out.  Yes, a professional has gone to school for years to learn all the known variants for a broad range of conditions, but he still has to apply that information, which is inherently limited, to a single unique individual of which his real knowledge is no better than what that individual has managed to communicate to him.  The professional will rely, in large part, on the instincts of that individual or, if that individual is unable to communicate them, the instincts of someone who knows that person well.

My son's diagnosis didn't occur from the efforts and knowledge of one person.  It occurred because of a collaberation between a professional, my child, and us as parents.  All weighing in with our different perspectives and experience, and all testing the end conclusion against our instincts.  In this one case, each element was important and critical to the end conclusion.

Any process that removes an element is going to have more room for error, than one that is more involved.  But, there may be reasons that not all elements may be used in one specific diagnosis.  It doesn't mean that one element is always right, and the other always wrong.  Just that the odds of having it correct either increase or decrease.  You can't play with definitives in something like this.  It's all a matter of what is more likely, and what is less likely.  Trying to apply a black and white statement to the universe of possibilities is never going to be accurate.

In the end, I don't think the label matters very much.  What matters is what the label can do for you.  In our case, it seems to have handed us the keys for understanding our child.  Parenting him on the assumption that he has Aspergers has made his life better, and our life better.  Similarly, if an adult finds comfort and self-understanding in locating the label for himself, or can use it to improve interactions with family or co-workers, that is a similarly positive result, and it doesn't really matter if it is technically correct or not.

No medical diagnosis is useful beyond the results it can obtain for the patient.  If the right result happens when someone self-diagnosis, that is a good thing.  If it were to lead to risky or dangerous treatment, it would be a negative thing.  Same if the diagnosis comes from a professional.  Since AS diagnosis mostly results simply in information on how the person is likely to interact with the world, what harm is there in self-diagnosis?  It shouldn't be used as an excuse to be rude; just an explanation to help those around the patient gain a few keys to understanding.