Aspies For Freedom

From what you have just said re her self confidence, I would say ASAP the earlier you know, the sooner she can have help.
I don't know about anything in the USA, so I don't know who you should go to.
Here it is the Educational Psychologist.

At age 5 the school was talking ADHD for my oldest child, who is HFA/Aspergers.  I think they prefer suggesting ADD/ADHD because (1) parents don't freak out and (2) there is a pill to give the children.  Proceed carefully.  A friend put her kid on the meds and he has never been the same again even though she took him off of them after about 6 months.

I've wondered about the connection as well... sayings how I seem to be ADDish also... We have a rather large amount of my cousins that are ADHD. And I'm 90% sure my dad and his clan have a lot of aspies.

I can't say she sits still, she definitely doesn't. Sometimes she gets fidgety and I have to put my hand on her shoulders and look her square in the eye and give her something to do with her hands (a child's rubix cube, a notebook, sometimes I have her trace the print on groceries while at the store...)  It seems to be worse later in the day, in the morning I can get her ready for school rather easily, especially if I set the egg timer. But in the evenings you have to practically sit on her. ("Get your pajamas on, get your pajamas on, that's nice now put your pajamas on!")

When she's sick she can be a real firecracker... like you gave her speed... unless she has a high fever, then she's just sick.

Oh... does that mean she is hyperactive? She can also sit still for some things, she will sit and "write" letters to her family members for hours... though somehow can't write on her homework without an act of god... We started using hubby's belt to keep her seated at dinner. Is that wrong? It seems wrong sometimes, though she likes it, she calls it her seatbelt... and it keeps her in her seat!

She didn't used to be silent and shy. That seems to be a newer trait. She used to talk all the time with perfect strangers. She's been having problems with kids for the last year. I feel somewhat to blame for this because its been hard for me to find friends with kids her age... plus she's so sensitive to other kids that I have to field some kids out, that takes a lot of work.

So you guys think I should do something about this?

I feel dumb about all this. Two sides are fighting against each other, is it better she do this by herself, unlabeled? Or should I get her diagnosed and have her be "that ADHD kid".

Thanks Emmy, you've been a big help for me today.

I think I will talk to her teacher and see if they are seeing the same thing...

Griz wanted an update about school on my away thread-   Guess I can't stay away for too long.

So with the homework- randomly fine last week! No tears, done in less than ten minutes! I have no idea what happened, but all of a sudden she was fine! Not to say I didn't do anything to help, we really worked hard on doing happy Gemma things all week and keeping stimulation down... I also showed her her PreK folder to show how much she had improved (though admittedly I noticed no real difference...)

I had written a note to the teacher the first week I had problems and the teacher never responded until we went to the bookfair Thurs. night. She basically told me that Gemma is WAY above par in schoolwork and that if she continues to have problems with homework to let her know.  That led my MIL to worry that she was going to be bored at school and that might have been the problem all along...

She could "just" be bored... She has commented to that affect before. She's always adding extra things to the homework... like if it says to draw three red things she will draw it then write the item phonetically below it. (wadermLn)

Either way, no matter who I talked to everyone says that she's not hyper enough to have ADHD. And that I can't get her diagnosed until she's 6 or 7 anyway... not that finding her a label is really my intent.

I think my AS need to know what would happen if she HAS ADD is making friends/family think that I'm trying to get her diagnosed...

Max... I'm interested... keep talking...

Her teacher sent a note home today that she didn't finish an assignment because she couldn't follow along after repeated attempts by the teacher to redirect her.  I knew this morning it was going to be "one of those days" I had to follow her around all morning to get her to get ready... Something I'm used to. When she's like that, the only way to get her attention is to grab her shoulder and look her in the eye and give her obnoxiously clear directions, "Put your sock on your foot." Then she'll do it (well, after I say it five times). Then I say, "Put your other sock on."

Most of the time she requires some degree of this, only a few times each week do I actually have to follow her around for each little detail. Usually I can say, "Put your clothes on," and she will get dressed before the timer goes off (Did I mention we have to use a timer? For me and her...)

I don't really feel like she forgets things a lot though, but she does switch from one train of thought constantly.

Batman-

I totally agree on the "indigo" thing. She is not a normal kid (so grateful for that...) Though, I don't really get into the spiritual thing...

She has always been hyper-sensitive and intuitive. I noticed it when she was almost two months old. Nick and I were fighting (new baby time is volitile sometimes) and she was SO upset. Cried and cried for no reason. She has always been that way. If someone else is sad she is sad, it takes nothing for her to be emotional in response to someone else's emotion. She can't just be happy, she has to be exuberantly happy like she could take flight...

Um. I talk about my kids too much... makes me a good mom, bad conversationalist.

Not preachy, but thanks for the warning.

I do tend to worry too much and I do see how it could be bad for her.  But in this society everyone is expected to be exactly the same. It is sad, but I will always be walking the line between letting her be herself and encourage that uniqueness and trying to push her into the same box everyone else is in. I personally can't stand the concept of pushing her in any direction and wish she could just be herself. But then I start hurting her because I'm not helping workout her problems at school.

At what point does DXing her give her the tools to help her out in this world and at what point does it become a crutch that pigeonholes her?

I feel your angst.
Mom to mom hug.

Thank you guys.

This week was another toughy for us. Halloween is never easy... add that to me being dumb and planning a weekend trip with my parents. (hello, so much stress) and my parents are still in town until tomorrow.  So she was only in school three days and each day she got bad marks at school. Not BAD bad, no one's calling me to have me pick her up or meeting with the principal or anything. Just notes like, "having trouble staying on task, has to be redirected often" and the like.

Sorry, I'm really just saying this to say it now, I don't think there's much I can do to move things along and I haven't committed myself one way or the other on whether or not I want to push things. {sigh}  You totally don't have to read this or comment, I'm just venting.

Todays note had a phone number at the end to call the teacher. Nothing about that I should call or why I was given the number... Also in the note was that Gemma's having a hard time with fine motor skills and gets frusterated because she can't go as fast as the other kids. (She's so sensitive!) And the usual paying attention thing, apparently today the teacher had to sit with her to constantly get her back on track.

So I called and talked to the teacher, who basically told me that she's sending report cards and sign up sheets for conferences next week. (sort of like, don't call me we'll talk at conferences)  Then she said "some students who have had these problems (except she didn't say problems) have really benefited from being in their own separate desk (they class is divided into groups of clustered desks) so that they won't be distracted"  

Which I agreed to, it would probalby help- when I first saw the desks situated that way I thought it was ripe for problems.   She also said that they gave Gemma "big crayons and big pencils" and then she was able to keep up and she was "very excited about it".  {sigh}  

I have no idea what this means. On the one hand I'm very glad that the teacher is seeing these as real problems to help her with and not that she's a bad kid or something, but on the other hand I just wish she could just be herself and not learn about how she's not as fast as the other kids. Then I feel like a super jerk even complaining about these things, she's a fantastic kid.

Sarah, I'm curious to know whether the schools in your area receive extra funding for any child who is considered to have 'special needs' of any kind.

This certainly is the case here & many parents have been persuaded that their child fits the criteria.....money.. money, this is their main interest.

So... I'm sorry. Somehow I managed to miscommunicate things on this thread. It is NOT the schools that are trying to DX my kid. No one has said, "You're kid is AS/ADHD/ADD" or anything else like that.  The only thing is that now the teachers seem to be discovering what I've been seeing all along- that she has some problems that are causing her some setbacks and emotional stress and turmoil.  

There are two conflicting thoughts in my head on this:  1)  Thank God! Maybe they'll be able to help her cope with these things!  or 2)  Do I really want to start down this road? Maybe I can continue to work with her at home and she'll adjust, on her own, without any intervention.

Some times I can go days thinking that she's just your normal 5YO and that the things that are "wierd" about her also make her wonderful. Other times, like tonight, I see her trying so hard and getting so frusterated and emotional and I just want to push a giant pause button on everything so that she and I can take a break.

Her school started some new program this week, "flex teachers". I have no idea what this is, but from the sounds of it the kids are divided into small groups and taken to a different room with a different teacher- someone she doesn't know- and taught more intensely on their letters and reading. Shouldn't be that big of a deal, but the new flex teacher gives them homework so (you guessed it!) she's freaking out over homework again. She didn't even finish it tonight, I told her she could try again in the morning... but she was SO upset. I had to crawl into bed and talk to her about the last time we went to the beach just to get her to stop bawling! I know that she just has to get used to this new teacher, and the expectations... she was getting frusterated because she can't do it perfectly.

These last few weeks just make me want to homeschool her... but I think all I'd really be doing is procrastinating the inevitable.  Whatever her problems she needs to deal with them.

{sigh}  I'm sorry if this makes me look like some kind of psycho hypochondriac. I'm just getting so frusterated.  

Yes, I have been thinking of holding her back too. But then I start worrying about her being too bored... I think that's part of the problem right now, that the work they give is too hard for her physically because of the fine motor skills thing, and that its too easy for her mentally because its the same info over and over.

But yes, that's one of the things floating around in my head right now.   I'm feeling better this morning... thanks to the friends that have responded.  Now I just have to gear up from the conference.

So... today was the conference, in case anyone wanted to know.

It went really well. They evaluated her and her skills are at 80-90% for what a kindergartner should know at the end of the year. (Isn't that like saying she should be in first grade? Obviously wouldn't do it, but...)  So the plus is she's very smart, the minus is that she can't complete her work unless she's in an annex and if she doesn't have very good fine motor skills so she has to use the big crayons.

So I'm proud of her. She's going to go into some sort of "accelerated reader" program where she can read at a more independent pace. So that's good.

The teacher seemed to agree that she's bored with the worksheets but that it is the best way to get better at it.

Great news Sarah, nice to finally know where you both stand & that your daughter is going to get the help she needs.