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I read this and wondered if people think it applies to them. Is it too "NT" or do these things tend to be true for everybody?

What's at the Heart of Peoples' Happiness?


By Jonathan Clements The Wall Street Journal Online

No, happiness isn't a lottery ticket away.

I am fascinated by academic studies of human happiness, because they bring scientific rigor to issues we all grapple with. We think more money will make us happier and yet studies suggest Americans are no more satisfied than they were three decades ago, when the standard of living was much lower.

So if winning the lottery won't do the trick, what will? Here are seven key lessons from happiness research. It is indeed possible to boost our happiness -- but it'll take more than a fat wallet.

1. What matters is what we focus on.

Those with higher incomes aren't necessarily happier. But when asked how satisfied they are with their lives, high earners are more likely to say they're happy.

Why? The question makes them ponder their position in society -- and they realize they're pretty lucky. The implication: If you have a hefty portfolio or hefty paycheck, you can probably bolster your happiness by regularly contemplating your good fortune.

Meanwhile, if you are less well off, avoid situations where you feel deprived -- and seek out those where comparisons are in your favor. Rather than buying the cheapest house in a wealthy neighborhood, settle for a town where people have similar salaries. When you think about your net worth, forget your well-heeled sister and focus on your cash-strapped brother.

2. Don't go it alone.

Studies have found that married folks are happier than those who are single.

"Marriage provides two sources of happiness," says Andrew Oswald, an economics professor at England's Warwick University. "One is sex and the other is friendship. Marriage has one of the largest impacts on human well-being."

Similarly, spending time with friends can boost happiness. Studies indicate that commuting is one of life's least enjoyable activities, that looking after the kids is more of a struggle than we like to admit and that eating is one of life's great pleasures.

But all of these things can be enhanced by adding friends. Commuting with others will make the trip less grim, playing with the kids will be more fun if there's another adult along and eating with others is better than eating alone.

3. We like to feel secure.

Midlife is a period of relative unhappiness. This dissatisfaction may stem from the lack of control felt by those in their 40s, as they juggle raising children and the demands of work.

By contrast, employees in senior positions, retirees and those with good job security often report being happy. One explanation: They have greater control over their daily lives.

"There's a profound link between insecurities of all kinds and human well-being," Prof. Oswald notes. "Supervisors are happier than those who are supervised. Job loss is an enormous negative and job security is an enormous plus to mental health."

4. We enjoy making progress.

Studies suggest we prefer leisure to work. But that doesn't mean work is always a source of unhappiness. We like the feeling of performing a job competently and being in the flow of work.

"There are definitely better and worse jobs," says David Schkade, a management professor at the University of California at San Diego. "If you're in the flow more often, that's going to be a better job."

But Prof. Schkade says work's real pleasure may come from the sense of accomplishment we feel afterward. "We know progress makes people feel good," he says. "You should design a life where you have that feeling of progress."

Work also has the benefit of making leisure seem sweeter, Prof. Schkade adds. This may be the reason seniors who set out solely to relax and have fun are often disappointed by their retirement.

5. We adapt to improvements.

In pursuit of progress, we strive for faster cars, fatter paychecks and winning lottery tickets.

Yet, when we get what we hanker after, we quickly become dissatisfied and soon we're lusting after something else. Academics refer to this as the "hedonic treadmill" or "hedonic adaptation."

We may, however, be able to slow the process of adaptation. If we go out and celebrate our recent promotion, we will hang onto the good feelings for a little longer. If we bought a house last year, we may recover some of the initial thrill by pausing to admire our new home.

We should also think about how we spend our money. It seems we get more lasting happiness from experiences than goods.

If we buy a new car, it will eventually go from being our pride and joy to being a scruffy set of wheels with an irritating rattle. But if we spend our money on meals with friends or vacations with family, we will be left with fond memories that may grow even fonder with time.

6. We also adapt to setbacks.

While adaptation can work against us when good things happen, it saves us from misery when bad times strike. If a close friend dies, we imagine we will never laugh again. But adaptation rides to the rescue.

Oddly enough, it seems we adjust more quickly if a setback is large or irreversible. If we become disabled, we will likely adapt with surprising speed. If our spouse is a slob, we may never get used to it.

One reason: We figure there's still a chance our spouse will change his or her slovenly ways.

7. We enjoy behaving virtuously.

If we volunteer, give to charity or behave politely, we usually feel pretty good.

Pure altruism? It may, instead, be our ancient instincts kicking in. Good behavior paid big dividends in ancient societies, notes Boston money manager Terry Burnham, co-author of "Mean Genes."

"Virtue is built into us because virtue was rewarded," he argues. "In small-scale societies, where you are well known, there are rewards for being a good citizen and severe punishments for being a rule breaker."

Still, whatever our true motivation, behaving virtuously is almost always a good thing -- and it will likely make us happier.
Very good article there, which makes a lot of sense.
It would be interesting to know if there is a difference between what makes an NT and Aspie happy...

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1. What matters is what we focus on. - The question makes them ponder their position in society -- and they realize they're pretty lucky.


I would agree that attitude, focus and gratefulness contribute to my happiness.  I think this would be the same for AS and NT's.

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2. Don't go it alone. - Studies have found that married folks are happier than those who are single. Similarly, spending time with friends can boost happiness. Studies indicate that commuting is one of life's least enjoyable activities, that looking after the kids is more of a struggle than we like to admit and that eating is one of life's great pleasures.


I would agree that it makes me happy when my husband and I are communicating well and when I spend time with friends that 'get me'. It might be that NT's 'should' be more happy because they have more friends, but it's not necessarily the case. In this point I would say the communication aspect is far more important.

For instance, if a friendship is only 'surface' and someone doesn't feel like their friends really understand them, an NT with a lot of friends could still be unhappy and just better at faking it than an Aspie would be.  (That is based on conversations with my very popular NT friend who was not very happy until she got 'deeper' friends)

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3. We like to feel secure. By contrast, employees in senior positions, retirees and those with good job security often report being happy. One explanation: They have greater control over their daily lives.


Of course - when I am in a situation where I feel like I am out of control or don't know what's going to happen next I am extremely anxious.  I think what makes an NT and AS feel 'secure' might be different, but the underlying need for security is the same.

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4. We enjoy making progress. We like the feeling of performing a job competently and being in the flow of work. But Prof. Schkade says work's real pleasure may come from the sense of accomplishment we feel afterward.


Yes, I think this pleasure from a sense of accomplishment is the same, but again, what brings the sense of accomplishment may vary slightly between AS and NT's.

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5. We adapt to improvements. In pursuit of progress, we strive for faster cars, fatter paychecks and winning lottery tickets.


I think this one can easily apply as much to Aspies as NT's, it's just that these examples seem to be more NT interests.  Many aspies are collectors and want the next thing that comes along, or want to know everything there is to know about something, feeling anxious if they can't solve the next problem etc - it's just their hobbies and interests and pursuits are usually less socially acceptable.

For instance, a sports fans who has to go to every game, or someone who needs to own the best new car on the market, or a fashion princess who spends $1000 on a purse when she already has 12 are all considered to have understandable pursuits... even if people think they should slow down.

But an obsessive sci-fi fan who spend $1000 building a storm trooper costume and still isn't satisfied because the belt isn't accurate - what a geek!!

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6. We also adapt to setbacks. While adaptation can work against us when good things happen, it saves us from misery when bad times strike. Oddly enough, it seems we adjust more quickly if a setback is large or irreversible. If we become disabled, we will likely adapt with surprising speed. If our spouse is a slob, we may never get used to it. One reason: We figure there's still a chance our spouse will change his or her slovenly ways.


Hmmm.... this is a tough one. I think Aspies can be extremely good at adaptations, they have to in order to cope with the world that is so alien to who they are.  At the same time, Aspies are known for not liking change.

Perhaps being able to adapt will bring happiness for an Aspie, but it's just more difficult for us?

I will have to think about it more.

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7. We enjoy behaving virtuously. If we volunteer, give to charity or behave politely, we usually feel pretty good. "Virtue is built into us because virtue was rewarded," he argues. "In small-scale societies, where you are well known, there are rewards for being a good citizen and severe punishments for being a rule breaker."Still, whatever our true motivation, behaving virtuously is almost always a good thing -- and it will likely make us happier.


Yes, doing what is right is something that makes me happy... To make a generalization about all NT's or Aspies in regards to being ethical isn't possible, but I do think that Aspies are more often misunderstood as not being virtuous because it takes them longer to understand the needs of others.

For instance, there are both Aspies and NT's who know the right thing to do and choose to do it, or choose not to do it.  But NT's tend to figure out sooner what might hurt someone's feelings, so an Aspie who isn't being kind enough or is too blunt might be suspected of choosing to hurt someone when they just don't understand what they are doing.

7oclock Wrote:

I'm right at least twice a day


This would be one of those times.

I especially agree that their examples on #5 were incredibly shallow.

wilky

In short, no. Miserable as sin.
Can anyone tell me how to get off this forum?
I'd be happier if I had a job.
And thusly had better means to do so ;p
I'd be happier if more people I dislike fell down manholes. *shifty look*
Yes I am happy. I am often troubled but I do have a happy life really.

Lace Neil Singer Wrote:
I'd be happier if more people I dislike fell down manholes. *shifty look*


Well, LNSinger, since prevailing theory is that we are responsible for our own happiness, it is clearly your responsibility to push more people down manholes.

Please video and link to Youtube...

woman from mars Wrote:
I think perhaps that being realistic & accepting that life is part bad & part good helps to achieve happiness.


That is so true.  I liked the focus part though... makes me think of a friend. Smile

The only thing that would make me happy is if I found out I had any cognitive gifts, but after 26 years of searching and coming up with nothing other than pompous, arrogant wordcraft that relies on fancy words to cover up lack of subtext, I've reached the conclusion that I genuinely inherited s**t for brains.
I would have to ask what they mean by "happy."
Based on the examples I think they meant an absences of stress and anxiety and general contentment.

I answered the questions based on 'do these things make me happy' rather than 'am I happy'... to answer the 'am I happy' I would have to say that most of the time I am - and I think it's because slowly over my life I have realized that the things I thought would make me happy don't and started to focus on the things that are normal for me.

The biggest for instances:

So what if I don't have a successful career - that wouldn't make happy anyway.  Being productive and creative makes me happy, but I don't need the status, so I do the things I enjoy and do them well...

So what if I'm not 'popular' with a lot of people - that wouldn't make me happy. Focusing on the people who DO get me and stopped focusing on the 'cool' people that everyone else likes.
For a much deeper look at what happiness means and how we can authentically experience greater happiness, this website has much to say about "Positive Psychology" -- I think there's much to be learned here. The site is part of the University of Pennsylvania, which is a center for the study.

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/
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