Aspies For Freedom

7oclock Wrote:

It would be interesting to know if there is a difference between what makes an NT and Aspie happy...

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1. What matters is what we focus on. - The question makes them ponder their position in society -- and they realize they're pretty lucky.

I would agree that attitude, focus and gratefulness contribute to my happiness. I think this would be the same for AS and NT's.

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2. Don't go it alone. - Studies have found that married folks are happier than those who are single. Similarly, spending time with friends can boost happiness. Studies indicate that commuting is one of life's least enjoyable activities, that looking after the kids is more of a struggle than we like to admit and that eating is one of life's great pleasures.

I would agree that it makes me happy when my husband and I are communicating well and when I spend time with friends that 'get me'. It might be that NT's 'should' be more happy because they have more friends, but it's not necessarily the case. In this point I would say the communication aspect is far more important.

For instance, if a friendship is only 'surface' and someone doesn't feel like their friends really understand them, an NT with a lot of friends could still be unhappy and just better at faking it than an Aspie would be. (That is based on conversations with my very popular NT friend who was not very happy until she got 'deeper' friends)

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3. We like to feel secure. By contrast, employees in senior positions, retirees and those with good job security often report being happy. One explanation: They have greater control over their daily lives.

Of course - when I am in a situation where I feel like I am out of control or don't know what's going to happen next I am extremely anxious. I think what makes an NT and AS feel 'secure' might be different, but the underlying need for security is the same.

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4. We enjoy making progress. We like the feeling of performing a job competently and being in the flow of work. But Prof. Schkade says work's real pleasure may come from the sense of accomplishment we feel afterward.

Yes, I think this pleasure from a sense of accomplishment is the same, but again, what brings the sense of accomplishment may vary slightly between AS and NT's.

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5. We adapt to improvements. In pursuit of progress, we strive for faster cars, fatter paychecks and winning lottery tickets.

I think this one can easily apply as much to Aspies as NT's, it's just that these examples seem to be more NT interests. Many aspies are collectors and want the next thing that comes along, or want to know everything there is to know about something, feeling anxious if they can't solve the next problem etc - it's just their hobbies and interests and pursuits are usually less socially acceptable.

For instance, a sports fans who has to go to every game, or someone who needs to own the best new car on the market, or a fashion princess who spends $1000 on a purse when she already has 12 are all considered to have understandable pursuits... even if people think they should slow down.

But an obsessive sci-fi fan who spend $1000 building a storm trooper costume and still isn't satisfied because the belt isn't accurate - what a geek!!

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6. We also adapt to setbacks. While adaptation can work against us when good things happen, it saves us from misery when bad times strike. Oddly enough, it seems we adjust more quickly if a setback is large or irreversible. If we become disabled, we will likely adapt with surprising speed. If our spouse is a slob, we may never get used to it. One reason: We figure there's still a chance our spouse will change his or her slovenly ways.

Hmmm.... this is a tough one. I think Aspies can be extremely good at adaptations, they have to in order to cope with the world that is so alien to who they are. At the same time, Aspies are known for not liking change.

Perhaps being able to adapt will bring happiness for an Aspie, but it's just more difficult for us?

I will have to think about it more.

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7. We enjoy behaving virtuously. If we volunteer, give to charity or behave politely, we usually feel pretty good. "Virtue is built into us because virtue was rewarded," he argues. "In small-scale societies, where you are well known, there are rewards for being a good citizen and severe punishments for being a rule breaker."Still, whatever our true motivation, behaving virtuously is almost always a good thing -- and it will likely make us happier.

Yes, doing what is right is something that makes me happy... To make a generalization about all NT's or Aspies in regards to being ethical isn't possible, but I do think that Aspies are more often misunderstood as not being virtuous because it takes them longer to understand the needs of others.

For instance, there are both Aspies and NT's who know the right thing to do and choose to do it, or choose not to do it. But NT's tend to figure out sooner what might hurt someone's feelings, so an Aspie who isn't being kind enough or is too blunt might be suspected of choosing to hurt someone when they just don't understand what they are doing.

I am in complete agreement with you.
I would add that I have learned to be happy.
I think perhaps that being realistic & accepting that life is part bad & part good helps to achieve happiness.

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