Aspies For Freedom

That description sounds like me (I am diagnosed AS). It also describes my two very neurotypical sisters. What I have found that has been significantly difficult for my mom is that, even though behaviorally I was much easier on her than my sisters were, she had more trouble understanding why my problems were what they were - whether the problems were due to a miscommunication between the world and me, or whether they were genuine behavior problems that come with immaturity (such as having to go NOW rather than a second later - this one, while I see the problem of impatience spreading roughly equally amongst AS and NT kids, since autistics tend to be very literal, precise, that if you say you'll be going in a minute and instead it's two minutes, autistic kids tend to see this as being an intentional misrepresentation or as the other person being neglectful of the time - i.e. dallying and so this is why an extra minute later.)

What has helped me resolve conflicts, whether originating on my part or on the behalf of a misunderstanding between us, is to explain things to my mother in terms of how it's like when a NT kid experiences X - except for me there's the added complication of factor Y.

First and foremost don't assume that the same rules about what most kids' behavior indicates will apply to autistic behavior. For instance, if we rock, or shake our legs, it's probably not going to mean the same things as if a non-autstic person did it (I was asked countless times growing up if I had to use the bathroom, since I shook my legs all the time. This utterly confused me, particularly as leg-shaking and other stims I do unconsciously). When I would not make eye contact, people assumed I was ignoring them, or that I was upset with them, or that I was lying - most of the time, none of these were true; usually a lack of eye contact for me means that I am in fact listening, as if I do make eye contact, it requires a lot of effort, and the details of the face distract me, making it even more difficult for me to process spoken language. (Even though I often speak and write well, understanding spoken language is a continuing difficulty for me.)

I hope some of this helped. One thing that helps my mom is to remember that she is as perplexing to me as I am perplexing to her. (Just as I keep in mind that I am probably perplexing to her at times.) That helps us open more of a dialogue, instead of her saying, "Pay attention and look at me," and me saying back, "You assume you know why I do everything I do," and so on. Instead, this thinking of perspective changes it to "Why don't you look at me?" Then I say, "Because then I have trouble listening to you."

Hope I helped.

i'm not a perent but i rememer what i was like to be a child with unknown AS. your son metdown that often he probly very frustated (i dont know your son but most of my meltdown are frustration based ie un able to explain to a teacher what problems  i'm having)that he cant tell you whats wrong , for some children and adults with AS have VERY hard time expesing ther feelings verbally.

does any of this sound like your son?

Wow... just have to say, earthmonkey, your awareness of yourself is very impressive! Thanks for the insight.

barnburner-

My oldest was SUCH an easy baby! Just like you described actually. She's not diagnosed with anything as of yet, and she may never be, I've decided that I'm not all that great at DXing my kids...

But the same thing as far as slipped right into a routine by herself, even enforced it in the ways you described. Naptime was at 2, if we were still out at 2, there was bound to be trouble. But definitely more sensitive to stimulation than other babies seemed to be. I became the snobby mom who assumed the other kids were just rotten.

Though now, at five we are having trouble too. I don't know if they are normal problems for kids, AS or NT. Her sensitivity has grown into a rather large sensitive, dramatic monster. Any drama, large or small has a rather large reaction... I needed to stop by the store on the way home from school and I'm sure the neighboring cars could hear the moaning, they definitely saw the flailing of the arms. If her little sister grabs a toy she was playing with she is distraut... she goes to her room and cries. She complains of the smells of stores and the sounds their crowds make. She is afraid of amost anything and is known to jump into streets to avoid a neighborly dog/cat/squirrel. Hmm... now I seem to be convincing myself she is on the spectrum.

To the opposite end- she loves kids, doesn't always understand boys though. She doesn't have a selfish bone in her body and gets mad at me when I tell her little sister no. "But you have more crackers mommy, and she wants them!" This summer she became the idol of ther 3YO sis's playgroup- she was their mother hen. She always has a smile on her face, expresses every though and feeling in her head (though not without some prodding on the big ones) She also can't focus on anything for more than a minute, definitely not a perservator!

I definitely agree with the early talking thing though! I had an early talker and a late talker... and ages 1-3 with the early talker was marvelous! The late talker was always screaming about something... but I never knew what! Now that she talks though I've discovered she actually has quite the cheery disposition!

Wow, I am so long-winded!

My AS son was a difficult and unsettled baby. His time table was all up the wop. He wanted to sleep all day and be awake all night, he'd still be like that if he didn't have to go to work. He had awful screaming fits with colic (later recognised cows milk intolerance, breast fed but  I couldn't breakdown some milk product in my diet), he  didn't smile much - when he did the smiles were all the more precious.
He was a very busy toddler, always on the go. He spent a lot of time on my hip.

My son was a terrible eater - he didn't want to eat!!!!!!!! He still is not into food. He's oblivious to it. He only eats when absolutely has to. Couldn't wear wool either.

I didn't notice the extra "and" until you said Ethel - and even then I had to read two or three times to notice.

The "goodies" were great - funny show!!

I also think autistic people have a different way of developing... some things earlier than others and some things later. So they are still developing, just not the same way as their peers. So while one may be very advanced with language skills they may be dealing with emotions and social problems that their peers were dealing with a few years previously.

I agree that the symptoms won't get increasingly worse.  I've heard about that symptoms peaking thing too, and I really don't know what it means.  I think as a person gets older, they compensate better, so even if symptoms worsened, they'd be compensated for, and you wouldn't necessarily know (another reason it's harder to diagnose AS in adults rather than kids).

My daughter was a very easy baby in some ways.  She slept through the night at age six WEEKS (whereas I was expecting that at six months or so).  She did have a sort of colicky problem, but we gave her some type of gas medicine that seemed to work very well.  She ate a wide variety of baby food, but had to be entertained to a really ridiculous level in order to do it.  I have pictures of all of the toys and books on the floor around her high chair that she would "go through" in the course of a meal.   She did take two lovely long naps for a long time, then went down to one, and now she is four years old and naps are history.  She has a very short list of foods that she will eat.

I guess the thing is that I don't really know what differentiates an easy from a hard baby, as she was my first, so I just took whatever she evinced as normal.  She was a late talker, but was speaking in short sentences by the time she was three.  Now she's a great talker, but still mixes up her pronouns.

I think my parents raised us (three Aspies and two NTs) with such an extreme level of discipline, but love and respect based discipline, that we did not have meltdowns.  My parents seemed to be just nearly perfect, humble Christians, and I always wanted to do the right thing to make them proud of me.  I have tried to raise my daughter the same way, so far.  She behaves MUCH better around me than around her dad, because she knows my rules, and follows them, whereas he doesn't have any rules, and doesn't pay near as much attention to her as I do.  I definitely pay TOO MUCH attention to her, born from a desire to give her all of the love and security that I could from birth, and then greatly increased by my reading of Greenspan's Engaging Autism when she turned three, where he basically recommends being engaged with the child CONSTANTLY, following her interest.  
As an unemployed stay at home mom with two friends to my name, I do have all the time in the world to devote to her, and it seems to pay off.

Wow, blessed, you deserve a medal!

I'm speechless! A big feet if you've read my other posts!

Gosh blessed2, your post seems like a release of pent up emotion
I felt a bit the same when I contributed to this thread earlier.
My son had jaundice up until the age of about ten weeks.
I think there are things in common here - more commonalities than found in the general population.
Maybe the differences relate to different causes of autism. My son also had asthma from a very young age. A cause or symptom of autism is thought to be related to differences in autoimmune responses (so I've read).

Hi,

My son was sooooo easy as a baby I wondered what all the fuss was about new babies (he was my first).

I remember his Special Needs Health Visitor saying that spectrum babies were either 'angel' babies or very difficult.

It was funny really, because he has ADHD as a co-morbid so by the time he was a toddley person he was bouncing of walls!

I have a dx of AS too, and it was very interesting to listen to my mum answering the consultant's questions at my assessment. She said that as a child I was very good, very quiet and very tidy, but she had always been concerned about me as she felt I was in some indefinable way 'vulnerable'.

Bridie

You poor thing - no wonder you were distressed. I remember way back to very early toddlerhood - any change at all upset me. Not having any routine or continuity whatever must have been sheer hell for you.

As for dietary causes, I found with all five of mine that they had colic the next day if I ate anything with pig meat - pork, bacon, ham, sausages....

A couple had eczema if I consumed milk products.

My experience was opposite from the original poster's.  My son did not sleep much and required constant attention.  Much of that came from being a sensory seeker in the area of touch.  He did NOT want to be put down.  Overall, he was such a sensory seeker that it took years to figure out that he was overstimulating himself.

I haven't read all the posts in this thread, but I would suspect that many AS babies fall sharply on one side or the other:  really easy, or really difficult, depending on their unique personalities.