tenaciouscj wrote (that after two elderly friends died):
"Mum found it scary for a 4 year old to be asking these questions night after night. A boy cousin of mine who was very kind to me also died around that time and again that didn't help matters."
I thought this might be an interesting thread. My son was extremely upset when his great grandfather, whom he hardly even knew, died. Some of it might have been picking up on the increased level of emotion in the home. It brought up questions and fears about death.
He decided that he did not want to get old (and die). He was also worried that his parents would die and there would be nobody to drive him around.
My 5YO (who is not diagnosed with anything so I don't know if my answers count) has had a very hard time with death. No one we know has died and we try to limit the Disney "dead parent" thing...
But none-the-less, at 4 she was up for hours one night (and for quite a few nights after) sure that I was going to die. How do you tell a kid that while you could die you probably won't?
She has also realized recently that Daddy was also a mere mortal, then she was afraid that he would die and had quite a few horrific nightmares.
The most I could get from her was that she was worried that she didn't know how to cook and couldn't get a job. Kind of funny to hear a 4YO upset because she can't cook dinner and that if I died she wouldn't eat.
After explaining what actually WOULD happen if I died (Grandma would come and help take care of everyone) she was okay- or at least it was the last of the death-related drama at our house... at least until kid number two gets there.
I think that realizing that your parents are mortal is a rather complicated phase, but one that most kids go through. It would make sense that the AS kids would go through it in their own way.
I've had several family members die during my life, including my father, so I think I've become sort of desensitized to death (if that's possible). Hearing news stories about people dying in wars or people getting murdered doesn't make me feel sadness, but from what I've gathered from past threads here, that does not seem to be too rare among Aspies.
My son was extremely upset when his great grandfather, whom he hardly even knew, died. Some of it might have been picking up on the increased level of emotion in the home. It brought up questions and fears about death.
He decided that he did not want to get old (and die). He was also worried that his parents would die and there would be nobody to drive him around.
My three-year-old son started asking about death this summer. He asks, "Does everybody die?" I try to give him an honest but soft answer like, "Eventually. But people live a long time." He gets very upset and panicky, and asks, "Am I going to die?" When I say, "I suppose do, but it won't be for a long, long time," he gets agitated and says, "I don't think I am going to die. I'm not!" The other day he said, "I don't think anybody dies. I think they're all like caterpillars and butterflies." He seemed to be imagining something like reincarnation.
when my grandmother died this past month my 5 year old was worrying about dying.
I explained it to him this way...
"Worrying about dying at your age is like worrying about having to go to bed right now. (It was over breakfast.) It's so early, and you have the WHOLE day ahead of you. If you spend the entire day worrying about going to bed, you'll never enjoy your day. And chances are, when it is time to go to bed, you'll be tired and ready to go.
Dying is often like that... Enjoy your life, live the best way you can and then when it's your time to die, chances are you'll be ready."
He hasn't brought it up since.
My 5YO (who is not diagnosed with anything so I don't know if my answers count) has had a very hard time with death. No one we know has died and we try to limit the Disney "dead parent" thing...
But none-the-less, at 4 she was up for hours one night (and for quite a few nights after) sure that I was going to die. How do you tell a kid that while you could die you probably won't?
She has also realized recently that Daddy was also a mere mortal, then she was afraid that he would die and had quite a few horrific nightmares.
The most I could get from her was that she was worried that she didn't know how to cook and couldn't get a job. Kind of funny to hear a 4YO upset because she can't cook dinner and that if I died she wouldn't eat.
After explaining what actually WOULD happen if I died (Grandma would come and help take care of everyone) she was okay- or at least it was the last of the death-related drama at our house... at least until kid number two gets there.
I think that realizing that your parents are mortal is a rather complicated phase, but one that most kids go through. It would make sense that the AS kids would go through it in their own way.
Great answer, and yes it counts! I purposefully did not mention my son's diagnosis in this. My special kid is more prone to anxiety and can get obsessed with things. He did get over it maybe a year or so later. He is now quite comfortable including death in his play with action hereos, giving them each "10 lives" like in a video arcade game. Childrens' stories and songs also include death, and I suppose there is a reason behind that. The big fear was that nobody would be there to take care of him if we died. I just kept on answering his questions the best I could, while reassuring him at the same time.
One of my aspie friends lost his youngest brother in a terrible accident early in July and even though I didn't know the young man very well, I've found it extremely distressing. That's the trouble: some people die when they are very young and it can be sudden, like this young man.
The old ladies I knew as a child didn't look sick to me so that's why I didn't understand why they died when they did. And my cousin was only 12 when he died of cancer. Then I started getting nightmares about robbers coming into the house.
My 5yo (suspected but not dx'ed Aspie) has a very difficult time with death. He sees pics of relatives who have passed, and fixates on it. MIL mentioned offhand that a friend had passed, and it gave him nightmares for 3 nights. I'm taking notes here, because I'm not sure how to help him with this.
My son got terribly upset when studying life cycles in Y1 and was absolutely certain that I was going to die - Baby, Child, Adult, Death! He obsessed about this for ages but then hardly reacted when my father died, he just accepted it and moved on.
I remember being eight, realizing I would eventually die (I was thinking old age). I looked forward to heaven as some consolation of that. Later, I feared something would kill die (severe phobia) but that went away about the time I went to college.
I am settled now. It can be good to risk one's life in many circumstances (homeland security incident helping others, a war to fend off an invasion), I am convinced I am going to heaven. It is an evangelical Christian belief that one can be saved beyond any doubt by putting faith in Jesus and willing to live His way.
I guess some time between age 8 and age 37 one stops being afraid to die, at least if it makes a difference to someone else. I'm sure the military folks understand that death is always possible, but they are risking theirs for an important reason.
I am convinced if we had no military whatsoever, we would be looted, at least by Mexico or maybe Canada. History teaches us that any rich empire is a target for plunder. I'm not sure why anyone except for the occasional Hitler or Saddam might want to rule the world (and us included). Most people just want to be left alone, but not all.
Hm, I'm somewhat afraid of dying but mostly that I won't be allowed to die with dignity if I get really sick. Mind you, that is an attitude shared by most of my family. Mum has left instructions that if she "goes" with a severe heart attack or stroke, she is not to be revived and I would like to think the same would apply to me.