My three-year-old son cannot understand how to wave hello or goodbye. I have tried to show him how to physically do it, but even with specific instruction he cannot get the hang of it. He'll hold his hand stiff and flat, with fingers pointed up and the palm facing the other person, but then he moves the whole arm back and forth from the shoulder. Kind of looks like he's petting an imaginary pony rather than waving at somebody. He really concentrates on copying what I'm doing, but he just can't figure it out. It makes sense that waving could be a problem for someone with AS. I don't think my son quite gets the purpose of the wave. Have any of you other parents of AS kids experienced this, and if so, have any of you been able to help your child understand how and why to wave? If my son can't pull off the wave, I think I'll teach him to salute and leave it at that!
Yes, this was one of those so-called red flags. My four year old daughter waves now, but often it is with prodding, it's still not natural. I don't remember if it was my husband or the early interventionists who raised the issue, but whoever it was said it was very unusual for a young child not to wave, and the fact that my daughter did not wave meant something. We just kept after her, and she did eventually get the hang of it. I think a salute might do just as well! It is definitely a social gesture, so I can see where it would not come naturally to an Aspie.
My three-year-old son cannot understand how to wave hello or goodbye. I have tried to show him how to physically do it, but even with specific instruction he cannot get the hang of it. He'll hold his hand stiff and flat, with fingers pointed up and the palm facing the other person, but then he moves the whole arm back and forth from the shoulder. Kind of looks like he's petting an imaginary pony rather than waving at somebody. He really concentrates on copying what I'm doing, but he just can't figure it out. It makes sense that waving could be a problem for someone with AS. I don't think my son quite gets the purpose of the wave. Have any of you other parents of AS kids experienced this, and if so, have any of you been able to help your child understand how and why to wave? If my son can't pull off the wave, I think I'll teach him to salute and leave it at that!
Now that I think about it I don't think my son waved much but I never really noticed it. Or when he did wave it was to someone who was not looking at him. I do not think he usually waves now either. I had to teach him about saying hello and goodbye, and teach him to do it so the other person knows he is saying it. He will say it either from too far away to be heard when the person has already started to walk away, or too loudly. The distance, looking at the person, and the volume all have have to be taught for him. If someone else waves he will not automatically wave back and he might not respond at all. If asked for a hug from a loved one he does often respond to that (and the person has to say " I would like a hug" rather than "Would you like to give me a hug?").
I never really saw the point of waving. Either you're going or you aren't, so what's will all the hand gestures? That being said, I do wave now, since I've been working in junior preschool, since a lot of parents and kids expect it when they leave for the day. I force a smile and wave, it's all part of my job requirements, like wearing work colours or meeting peoples eyes, so I can do it.
I like the US president's hand action: he sort of holds his hand very stiffly, at the end of a stretched out arm, and then sort of jiggles the hand. In fact it's very like the current pope's hand action.
Alison
I don't know - maybe it's an individual thing. I can remember my AS son frantically waving goodbye to his dad at three. Now - he doesn't talk much - but he will always say "hello" and "goodbye". He says these words (in a way) to seek reassurance - by doing this it seems like he knows he should talk more - but in saying 'good bye' and "hello" he is able to follow social conventions and 'rules'. He is not into spontaneous interaction - but he can follow 'rules'.
He wants to fit in - he is just not sure how to.
Now that I think about it I don't think my son waved much but I never really noticed it. Or when he did wave it was to someone who was not looking at him. I do not think he usually waves now either. I had to teach him about saying hello and goodbye, and teach him to do it so the other person knows he is saying it. He will say it either from too far away to be heard when the person has already started to walk away, or too loudly. The distance, looking at the person, and the volume all have have to be taught for him. If someone else waves he will not automatically wave back and he might not respond at all. If asked for a hug from a loved one he does often respond to that (and the person has to say " I would like a hug" rather than "Would you like to give me a hug?").
Your son really does sound exactly like mine. 
I don't know - maybe it's an individual thing. I can remember my AS son frantically waving goodbye to his dad at three. Now - he doesn't talk much - but he will always say "hello" and "goodbye". He says these words (in a way) to seek reassurance - by doing this it seems like he knows he should talk more - but in saying 'good bye' and "hello" he is able to follow social conventions and 'rules'. He is not into spontaneous interaction - but he can follow 'rules'.
He wants to fit in - he is just not sure how to.
It's hard for me to imagine an AS child who doesn't talk much. I guess the spectrum is broad in this way, though. My son talks pretty much constantly, and uses very "adult" language and very specific terms for things (by age two he would bend your ear regarding the difference between navy blue, powder blue, sky blue, and teal. Sometimes he'd ponder the difference between teal and blue-green). There is hardly a time during the day when he isn't talking. He mostly talks to himself or to nobody in particular. He tends to pace around in circles looking at the ground as he talks. That's what he does when he's talking at me, i.e., giving me information about something he's interested in or something he has noticed. When he's asking me for something, he does stop and look at me when he talks. But I did have to teach him to approach me when he has a request, rather than just yell his request from wherever he was in the house. He used to just scream, "Aaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaahhhhh! Heelllp! Heeeellllp!" I'd come running only to find that he'd dropped a slice of apple on his lap or something insignificant like that. So we still work on appropriate responses to things, and on using language to communicate concerns ("I need help please. I dropped my apple!).
By way of Input from the lower end of the spectrum that may or may not apply.... Hrick has difficulty with voluntary fine motor movement (ie when he has to think to do something). Isolating finger movements has always been difficult for him. A second issue may be one of recognizing symbolism. I used to sign "I love you" to him. He tells me now it was a very long time before he actually understood why I did it and what it meant. As practical matter we've shifted to hand shakes, more appropriate greeting now that he is older anywayand a full handed single motion wave. Just some thoughts. Mom of Hrick
I don't know - maybe it's an individual thing. I can remember my AS son frantically waving goodbye to his dad at three. Now - he doesn't talk much - but he will always say "hello" and "goodbye". He says these words (in a way) to seek reassurance - by doing this it seems like he knows he should talk more - but in saying 'good bye' and "hello" he is able to follow social conventions and 'rules'. He is not into spontaneous interaction - but he can follow 'rules'.
He wants to fit in - he is just not sure how to.
It's hard for me to imagine an AS child who doesn't talk much. I guess the spectrum is broad in this way, though. My son talks pretty much constantly, and uses very "adult" language and very specific terms for things (by age two he would bend your ear regarding the difference between navy blue, powder blue, sky blue, and teal. Sometimes he'd ponder the difference between teal and blue-green). There is hardly a time during the day when he isn't talking. He mostly talks to himself or to nobody in particular. He tends to pace around in circles looking at the ground as he talks. That's what he does when he's talking at me, i.e., giving me information about something he's interested in or something he has noticed. When he's asking me for something, he does stop and look at me when he talks. But I did have to teach him to approach me when he has a request, rather than just yell his request from wherever he was in the house. He used to just scream, "Aaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaahhhhh! Heelllp! Heeeellllp!" I'd come running only to find that he'd dropped a slice of apple on his lap or something insignificant like that. So we still work on appropriate responses to things, and on using language to communicate concerns ("I need help please. I dropped my apple!).
These are all things that my son Joseph (who is diagnosed with Aspergers) does. I would not be surprised if your son does get diagnosed with Aspergers (if and when you have the need for it).
The mention of frantic waving reminds me that Joseph did, when he was younger, have a routine where he would have to frantically wave from the front balcony window as I drove past it in the car. I had to remember to stop the car on the way by our window or he would be extremely upset.
Goodbyes were something I used to have real trouble with as a small child. I tended to either run and hide when people were leaving or have a meltdown. It took a few years to teach me how to wave goodbye and even longer to say goodbye.
I thought if people were leaving they were never coming back. These two nice old ladies used to visit us when I was little and fuss over me a lot. Then they didn't come back. Mum eventually said they both died within a few weeks of each other. So after that, I kept bombarding her with questions about death and where people went after they died.
Mum found it scary for a 4 year old to be asking these questions night after night. A boy cousin of mine who was very kind to me also died around that time and again that didn't help matters.
Then I got into strife for saying I wished the mean people were dead instead of the nice ones.