Aspies For Freedom

When my 6 yr old aspie/HFA daughter started school in September, she apparently had a "problem" with "Free choice time". The teacher said she found it difficult to make a choice of activities and would often just drift around or "trance-out". By the end of the school year they said she was now able to select an activity and stay engaged.

However now the long summer holiday is in progress....
If we aren't out and active, she seems to be unable to play by herself unless it involves attaching herself to a screen.
I invite her cousins over for sleepovers and she'll play, but if it's just us two, unless I'm physically sitting down and playing with her (or baking/painting with her etc), she just ignores all her toys and glues herself to the TV or PC.

In the mornings she gets up very early and will play with toys while I lie in for an extra hour or so. As soon as I get up, any of that activity shuts down. Obviously I do play with her/ do activities with her during the day, but as soon as I go to do some chores, or sit down with a book/newspaper, she just attaches herself to a screen again.
She'd quite happily sit playing the computer, or watching videos for hours, I feel that I have to be a constant entertainments manager to stop her overdosing on screens, and it puts me on a guilt trip when she spends long periods fixated like this.

I know a lot of NT kids allegedly spend too much time on computers etc too, but I know she can and does involve herself in imaginative lone play (eg in the mornings before I'm up), so why the screen fixation the rest of the time. I tried setting time limits, but then she just moped around saying "what shall I do now" repeatedly.

I do my best to do fun stuff with her, but I can't keep up a continual rolling programme of activities. Help, advice needed !

I have used a sign in sheet for my kids so they can track how much time they spend on the computer. They are allowed 2 full hours of TV and 2 hours of computer. It sounds like a lot, but when you have a full 10 hours of time to fill 4 hours goes by quickly.  What this does is both gives my kids a chance to see how much time they are spending on the computer or watching TV and it sets limits that are realistic.

I also have put together 'lessons' for them to do - practice for school and fun learning games that they MUST do before getting on the computer. The reasoning for this is that the computer is a privaledge and not a right and they have to do something productive before they can just be entertained.

It's extra work for me to set it up, but they usually do it while I'm on the computer in the morning or reading with my tea and relaxing... often times they will need help so it's not 'interruption free time' by any means.

Types of work I make my 5 year old do: Practicing writing letters and numbers, simple addition and subtraction (I give him beads to use for 'cheats), coloring in pages, pattern copying, beginning reading (picking the first letter or vowel sound of a word he has a picture too). You can either buy a book that has worksheets in it or there are plenty of websites where you can print out pages.  I have charts on the folders that contain worksheets of each subject where I gave them stars for each day they completed something from that folder.  The star system ended after the first month and then they didn't need the reward system.

For additional rewards I would allow them to play an educational game on the computer in lue of a worksheet that wouldn't count against their computer play time.

I also include my kids in the chores I'm doing. Even at 5 my son enjoys 'helping' me mop or cook or folding clothes or vacuuming.  And he's getting good at it too - so good that I instituted a reward system of small payments for jobs he's done all on his own with a money chart so he can keep track of how much he's earned.

One of the things I've found with my kids is that while they would both play on club penguin all day if they had the chance, when they know they are limited in time on TV and the computer somehow they CHOOSE not to do it as often. Of course they do have each other, so I can't guarentee alone play time would happen if they didn't, but it could be worth a try?

Oh! I forgot - last year I had a new toy a month program with my kids where instead of giving them a huge Christmas, we saved our money and budgeted 3 medium sized gifts during the summer as a way to give them something new and exciting throughout the year instead of all at once.  We didn't do this again, even though we kept the small Christmas idea, because with their new allowance and money earning system - they buy all their own toys, and are happy to do the work to afford what they want!

Other suggestions would be to plan some sort of art or play project that is in the same room where you are working... and as you are working, express interest in how it's going. This is something I did when my youngest was 4 and his brother was in school.  He is a very social person and needed to be with me interacting.  

If all else fails, consider offering your services as a regular sitter for the mother of someone your son's age. It can seem like having 2 will be more work, but when I was watching my niece it was actually EASIER. Plus, if you do it for money, it could bring in extra income.

All that said, I feel for you. I know having a young one about takes a lot of energy and can be so hard... I pretty much write the summer off for major projects. But it does get better and more fun as they get older and can have more and more sophisticated conversations and interactions.  Less cuddles, but more conversations - so get your cuddles when you can.

OH! That reminds me... one thing I did with my youngest when his brother was in school was to let him sit on my lap while I do some activity - like going through mail or reading the paper or on line stuff....  He would have a toy and happily play with it or he would watch what I was doing.  Sometimes he just wanted to be connected to me in some way, even if we weren't interacting.

/ramble

I think that as long as she's getting enough exercise, playing with toys isn't necessarily any better or more useful than playing on the computer.

If exercise is the issue, some examples could be setting up fun "obstacle courses" that she could run through - this way you could set things up, and she could be kept occupied while you have a break.

Another possibility would be to guide her computer time into productive forms - using educational games, or even by teaching her programming. Simple programming languages like Logo (also called "turtle") can be quite fun for kids, and would leave her with a valuable skill in later life.

Hi, thanks for all the ideas.
Evilzakkie I think you're right about the value of computer play (and I'll def find out about the programs you mentioned, she'd love that), but it's particularly important for my little girl to do stuff that improves her manual dexterity, cos she's hemiplegic (she had a pre-birth stroke that affected the left side of her brain so the right side of her body is very weak), and her physio has said that if she doesn't use both hands the muscles of the right hand could atrophy.

I like the idea of the sign-in time sheet. She already helps out with chores, loves dusting, washing-up etc (wonder how long that'll last lol !). She has no interest in money (wonder how long that will last too !)...she still has all her "xmas money" unspent apart from a little sum she used to get me a birthday present (all on her own initiative..which was lovely). Some regular homework however would not do her any harm.

The chief problem is that she will only engage in activities (other than PC or TV) if I am an active participant or rapt audience (eg 100 % attention). Today she spent less than an hour on the PC, cos I spent all afternoon doing art and craft stuff with her (which she is very keen on). However at one point my sis phoned, as soon as my attention was diverted she drifted away from the activity and crashed out asleep on the sofa. This is another thing she tends to do if she isn't getting full-on attention. It's still an improvement cos she used to shriek and howl like a banshee whenever I tried to talk to anyone on the phone.

As an aspie/HFA child she has only just started playing with her cousins, she used to blank them completely or ask that they "go home", she still often does this with other kids. She used to have a couple of little aspie boy pals (they found each other at playgroup and at school) which was ideal. But one has moved away and one we lost touch with when his parents moved him to a "special school". So she usually has a cousin or two over at weekends now (but I'm really glad that she enjoys playing with them now).

When she was a tot she had separation anxiety big-time, I literally couldn't even go into another room (even the toilet) without her. Before she could crawl (or rather drag in her case), she used to roll after me everywhere. It took her a long time to get over this, so I wonder if the attention focus is just part of this phase that she hasn't yet grown out of. Time will tell I suppose.

Well I shouldn't grumble too much, cos she's a lovely little girl, and apart from this I don't really have any behaviour problems which is more than a lot of parents of NT kids could say. Just need to get the odd parental groan off the chest occasionally.....

Ah, that makes things a bit more tricky...

Another idea might be to try some "EyeToy" or "Wii remote" games - it still has the computer aspect that might keep her attention, but the games themselves are quite active, and often involve complex hand movements.

The Eye Toy/Wii is an excellent suggestion - a compromise between screen time and activity time - there are a lot of very active games, but it would be a good idea to try them out yourself first to check that your daughter can actually succeed at them. It would be awful to make her feel frustrated if she couldn't.

I found a wonderful web-resource which ties in homework (to cheer you up) and computer time (to cheer her up!) You'll need a printer, though, to get the most out of it:

http://www.enchantedlearning.com/Home.html