A friend of mine has been on pretty heavy anti depressant medication for a few times. She really needed it then, but every time her life was getting a bit better she would just quit medication, cold turkey, because she wanted to find out for herself how to live. The docters were shocked, you're not supposed to do that. But her stubbornness and being headstrong was more important than the medication. For her medication was working against her if she was out of crisis again. She still fights her way through life like this. And I think she would have been dead by now if she had been on medication all the time.
She is very resiliant indeed.
And medication if often the first help that's been offered. You have to know what you want or don't want if you resist that offer. Otherwise you just take it, because the medic said so.
Btw, I do think anti-depressants can do a great job.
I've seen ppl survive because of them.
But I for myself have been more scared by the idea of medication than by my depressive periods. I'm quite headstrong. So I managed so far. I think in me my anxietylevels would go up so much by taking antidepressants that they would not do their job.
Sarah, I feel your pain. When we first moved here it seemed like every mom that I started to get to know and thought really had it together would confide that she was on some sort of antidepressant. Personally, I'd rather have a beer or a glass of wine if I feel I'm wrapped too tight. Can't imagine getting up and taking the happy pill every morning. But they aren't me and I'm not them. I am one of very few here that isn't medicating, though it means dealing with the ups and downs. I like the ups and downs.
I figure we all do the best we can with whatever we've got. The more I've thought about it the more it seems that we really don't get much more than superficially choices, such as whether or not to take a pill. I don't begrudge others their choices because I don't know what it feels like to be them. I trust that they don't begrudge my choice to ride life's rollercoaster.
Once when a friend was over my son was being whiny and difficult and I said to him what I often say, "Do you need love?" He immediately melted and I just sat and held him - it calmed him and he relaxed and became much happier. My friend thought it was amazingly cute - but in actuality that is sometimes all that children need, to have their 'love/attention tank' filled back up.
(and don't adults sometimes need that too??)
That's beautiful. One of those time in the day you were right.
[quote=Lucie1]
I take an antidepressant and antianxiety meds. I just can't hack it when my mood hits the floor. I struggled for years - and I coped - but now I need the antidepressant. When my children were little - my stress levels were high, but I didn't feel low - I was too busy coping. I feel adding extra stress in my life actually keeps away the low mood.
But it's got to a point now where I'm sick of the fight.
My son has aspergers - people say he is very like me - I don't have a diagnosis, but I understand very well why struggles. My brother probably fitted the diagnosis of aspergers - as did my dad. It's a family thing.
My doctor pushed me to take meds. In my own time I took them when I felt the need.
"So many look for it in a pill instead of looking within themselves"
I really don't like this kind of language because it is based on the assumption that people who take anti-depressants are somehow weaker or morally inferior to those who don't.
It is my understanding that this forum is all about appreciating diversity and respecting differences in people.
If you knew someone who was diabetic and they took insulin, would you see it as a "weakness" that they couldn't manufacture the insulin in their own bodies? Or what about someone who takes thyroid medicine? They lack something important, they take it, they feel better.
I take anti-depressants because my chemicals and hormones fluctuate very badly. If I don't take them I have horrible moodswings, a bad temper, and excruciating migraine headaches. I take anti-depressants because it corrects a chemical imbalance that I have. I am not ashamed to take this medicine because doing so makes me a better mother. A much better mother. My AS son has enough on his plate and doesn't need a mother who flies into a rage.
I would never belittle someone else for taking a prescription medicine that they think is right for them.
More tolerance, less judging, please.
I wonder how many women are actually seriously ill but are being medicated out of complaining?
I have a similar story, different disease.
My illness
Hrick, you sound like a nice person and a really good mom!
For those of you who are aspie parents with aspie kids, I just wanted to share a little of what it's been like for me to be an NT mother with an Aspie son.
I love my son just the way he is. He is a totally cool little guy and I would not change one thing about him. What I wish I could change, however, is the lack of understanding, tolerance, and kindness that the world shows people like him who are different. He doesn't always notice it, but I do. I pick up on everything: dirty looks, snickers, sarcastic comments, rude body language, exclusionary practices, shunning, and so on. Each time someone is mean to my son, it feels like a knife in my heart. Every single time. I don't seem to have a "thick skin" to just let it roll off me. Much of the time, he doesn't notice it, so it's ok. I know I shouldn't care, but it hurts so much. I know I can't control "the world" but sometimes I just get so sick of it. The pain can be unbearable at times.
I wonder if an aspie parent of an aspie child either doesn't "perceive" all of this the way I do or else doesn't care as much? Is better at saying "so what?" to what the world thinks? This is only an idea, please tell me if I'm wrong. I'm not trying to create a stereotype, I'm trying to learn all I can.
Thanks for any comments you can offer.
What I wish I could change, however, is the lack of understanding, tolerance, and kindness that the world shows people like him who are different. He doesn't always notice it, but I do. I pick up on everything: dirty looks, snickers, sarcastic comments, rude body language, exclusionary practices, shunning, and so on. Each time someone is mean to my son, it feels like a knife in my heart. Every single time. I don't seem to have a "thick skin" to just let it roll off me. Much of the time, he doesn't notice it, so it's ok. I know I shouldn't care, but it hurts so much. I know I can't control "the world" but sometimes I just get so sick of it. The pain can be unbearable at times.
I think AS or NT, as mothers we all wish that the world would be kinder to our AS children ( even when they are adults ).
Like your son, my youngest (17 ) doesn't notice & that does help him, but not me.
I really hurt very much for my oldest (29), I see his problems related time & time again, by the other young men on this site, to me the worst thing is being unable to help, particularly with his sex life & the fact that girls / women call him 'a poof', just to be nasty ( I'm not prejudiced re sexual orientation ), but this word is used with the intent to hurt & it does because he isn't gay, ( it probably still would if he was ).
Some people just enjoy being nasty & it is quite deliberate.
"Time wounds all heels." -- John Lennon
My personal perspective on hateful human syndrome is that they may have caused a brief period of misery in my life, but they have to be them for a much longer time period -- their whole lives if they don't wise up. Hateful humans are never happy humans.
Sometimes it's not mistaking the abuse for love, but wanting another chance to win the love of an abuser.
When someone is abused they are sometimes crushed and actually believe they deserved it. A person who reminds them of the abuser can seem attractive because not only is the treatment what is expected and thought to be deserved BUT it also gives the abused a second chance to try to fix herself/himself to be good enough for the abuser...
Sometimes the abused feels that if an abuser will only start loving her/him, THEN he/she will be worthy of love or good enough for it. Abusers often know about this cycle too, and will seek out people who will put up with the abuse and keep coming back for more.
I am so glad that you came out of it, Lucie and were not crushed but are a a strong self-assured person!!
I am one of three sisters who were horribly abused by our mother psychologically, physically & sexually.
People didn't talk about things in those days, so if a neighbour would hear a child screaming in a house, it would be ignored.
Speaking for myself, we as children, thought that everyone was treated like this & that it was normal family life.
I never abused my children, but certainly entered abusive relationships (unintentialy ), I think abused people give out some kind of signal, just like the please manipulate me signal to would be abusers.
me too...
For the same reason that those who were abused as children often abuse their children & people who have been in abusive relationships tend to repeat the cycle by choosing another abusive partner.
People who have been badly abused in childhood equate this with love, because that is all they ever knew & what they do know is parents are supposed to love their children.so this must be love.
I recall analysis showing that this is not actually the case. The abused were neither more or less likely to become abusers. Even so, this continues to be conventional wisdom: the cycle of abuse. I see this story line on 'Law and Order' all the time. Hard to change a compelling story, I suppose.
darn --- 2nd try!!!
I am one of three sisters who were horribly abused by our mother psychologically, physically & sexually.
People didn't talk about things in those days, so if a neighbour would hear a child screaming in a house, it would be ignored.
Speaking for myself, we as children, thought that everyone was treated like this & that it was normal family life.
I accept this WFM's because as you say, it was your experience- - but my experience was completely the opposite. I remember feeling such shame about my family. I wished my family could have been like everyones else's - other peoples family's weren't like mine.
No way did I think it was normal!!
I think abused people give out some kind of signal, just like the please manipulate me signal to would be abusers.
I HATE this comment - my mum didn't give out a "please manipulate me signal"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This takes the onus of the abuser and puts blame on the victim. I'm sorry but this is utter crap.
Perhaps I should have said some abused people give out a 'please abuse me signal'. I certainly believe that I do
Some could say that to call another persons' experience 'CRAP' is abusive.
As I said we were abused by our mother & to take it a step further, also abused by our father since he never did anything to stop it.
Since & during childhood I was persistently bullied & have been in two abusive relationships, to my knowledge I have not abused my children, but they may not view it the same way.
One of my sisters has been married 4 times & without going into details, her life has been anything but normal, including the upbringing of her children.
I can only speak about my own experiences and wouldn't presume to judge those of others unless they ask me to.
This quite good site site has a poll within, if any one wishes to do the poll, they may see some interesting results:-
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/
I forgot to say to see the poll that I am referring to you need to click on victim, as there are several polls.