Hi, Thomas's dad. Welcome to the forum.
As I've been reading this thread I keep hitting the same question, does his son have AS? Which is largely hard for me to know, you describe so little about him, just your wife. It leads me to think two very different things:
1. Your son may very well have AS, but you are in denial and therefore aren't learning anything about it and are instead insisting that nothing is "wrong" with your child.
In that case, there isn't anything really "wrong". A spectrum is a spectrum... it definitely doesn't mean that he's going to be unemployed and in group homes for the rest of his life. There are several people on this forum that can handle the real world well and have made adjustments to better suit themselves in society. I am married, have two children... I'm somewhat normal.
If this is the case, I think you owe it to your son to find out more about AS. The DSM-IV sounds very cold and clinical... read some of what others have written here for a "real world" version... maybe that will make it more real.
From the few things you've said though, he very really could have AS. It would make sense to me that if a child with AS grew up in the same place, had a few friends that went with him to his kindergarten he would be somewhat unbothered... but pick that kid up and put him into a new kindergarten, new house, new scenarios... When I moved when I was 8 I had a terrible time. I had had problems before, but they were dismissable... "So what if she likes to read through encyclopedias, its so cute!"... but taking two years to properly adjust to a new place is a little different. Maybe all those changes are bringing out his autistic nature... not just his way of dealing with his mom.
The other thing I'm thinking is this:
2. Perhaps he did get a wrong diagnosis. Kids go through bad spots all the time where they have negative responses to stress. Pehaps they just need to retest.
If that's true than I still think he's okay for right now. From what I understand of aides they don't do the work for the kid, but rather point the kid in the right direction. They should be helping clarify the steps you should be going through to get to the end result... I don't think that's very bad for anyone to learn,
AS or not.
The thing with your wife is just as much a problem. If it is as you say, then you have real problems. If you're the only person paddling a boat in the right direction... that's bad. But I don't know what else you could possibly do if family counseling doesn't work. Maybe you could take a week off from work and tell your wife that you'd like to try things your way and see if they help. It could be that you really don't have an accurate grasp on what she's really dealing with... or it could be that she's really not in reality.
If it really is her... I don't know what to tell you. I hate to say that divorce is the only option, but if she's messing with your son... Though you couldn't refute a genuine diagnosis in divorce court and would only make yourself look dumb. You could always get him re-diagnosed covertly... can't see that being good for your marriage, but if it comes down to it, you would need something to refute the claim in court.
Good Luck, either way. I'm sorry if what I say is offensive, its a hard situation regardless of what is really going on...