Aspies For Freedom

well actually you know how I am able to help you guys? is that being an autistic myself but I don't know which kind that's how I am qualified to help people and plus I know people with autistic relatives and autistic children

and NO I'm not a parent myself I've just learned and read alot about autism and aspergers

:grin: Well, I've been lurking for a bit, so I guess I'll take the plunge and make my first post.  

We have 5 children.  My Aspie child is 11.  I am 42, also Aspie.  I sometimes wonder if our oldest (22) might have some shadow traits.  The rest, and hubby, are clearly NT!

I realized my son is autistic about 8 months ago, a few months after I accepted the reality that I was autistic (about 11 months ago).  Until that point, I knew we were quirky, but I always assumedt we were within the bounds of "normal"!    :lol: It helps that I grew up with a dad who was just as quirky and socially inept as myself.  Hmmm... genetics...  :wink:
Qualities (both of us): highly gifted, very socially inept, loner, stims, gaze avoidance, intensely feels empathy, extreme difficulty expressing empathy...

Son: Pokemon, video games.
Self: internet

No.

So different?? He's not different.
OK, he's clearly different from our other 4 kids, but that's OK.  He's just like me!   :lol:

:shock: I have never even heard of this, AND I LIVE IN THE SAME COUNTY.  :shock:

I think this young lady was sincerely trying to help and it wasn't very nice for some people to put her down. At least she is taking an interest in the subject of autism - there are so many who don't want to know.

This is why people are often advised to sit and read groups or boards for a while before they post. But then, anyone who has studied Internet marketing will know that people can be incredibly hostile to advertising that they did not seek out for themselves.

Stella, do you mean she could have been only pretending to be 16 years old and wanting to help people with autistic children? That is very disappointing. I must admit to not coming across too much professional sales language but I usually distrust it on principle.

Thanks Stella and Amy :!:

hi Rae_May,
I'm fairly new here to, I'm an NT with AS husband, two AS children, and two NT children, my husband has been on here for a good while and invited me on recently.  People have been really nice to me and I am sure will make you feel welcome too.

I confess to finding the question and the offer for help a little odd, and my suspicisions naturally kicked in, this being the internet and all.  But, you know, wondergirl, if you are who you say you are, then I can't really expect you to play by my rules, since they really are formed by NT society, can I?

So, I'm going to take a leap of faith and provide you with the information you seek.  Assuming I can accurately remember all the questions, lol.

My son is 8 and was given a tentative diagnosis of Aspergers from the school psychologist when he was 7.  We have some follow up to do with that, but so far the diagnosis fits, and it has gotten my son the type of help he needs.  A child who once struggled is now thriving.  Do I really need to know more?

I never suspected Autism or Aspergers because my son is an extremely emotional and social child.  Basically, I had old ideas of what Autism and Aspergers were all about.  My son has always been different, and those differences have always made it challenging to parent or school him, but we have always seen those differences as also having tremendous upside potential for him, too.  There never was a time that I looked for someone to confirm there was something "wrong" with my child.  He has just, always, well, been difficult and wonderful all at the same time, from the day he was born.

My son is bright, energetic, and social in the sense that he desires social contact - but his skills in that area are poor.  He has friends, although all his friends are closer to other children than they are to him.  That is something he accepts.  We have children over often, because we find that his friendships go a little easier if I help mediate the arguments that always arise.  I don't want to ask another parent to have to go that extra mile to keep the friendship working, so I offer to host the playdates.

My son is mainstreamed at school, and it was his difficulties in Kindergarten and first grade that led to his evaluation for special education and, from that process, the tentative diagnosis for Aspergers.  While he is obviously bright to everyone who meets him, he can't write, spell or read well.  That clear gap between apparent ability and actual ability led us to look for more, for an explanation, for some bridge we just didn't know how to find.  Our school has been wonderful.  My son is HAPPY now.  There was a time he was in danger of shutting down from his frustration, but no more.  His friends understand that he is different and are willing to work with him on his terms.  His teachers understand.  We understand.  None of us are perfect at it, of course, but just holding the door open makes him happy.

Does that help?

Excuse me, Autistic people pick up all sorts of jargon and registers by accident. She could really be 16 and may have picked up "sales person English" off someone she knew.

I sounds much older than I really am myself, 14.

That seems plausible to me. If she is autistic herself and knowledgable about the subject, I believe she actually could have answered some questions.

Maybe I am just being a bit naïve and I am unable to see something in her posts that others could.

Pretty much anyone can help a parent with their child, through thought, actual experience if the have any, and their own childhood moments.

She sounded sincere to me but I also wonder why some people would have thought she wasn't genuine.

Hi DeAnna & maz1.

I'm so sorry that no-one has been looking at this thread for a while and that you have had to wait for a response, especially as the response isn't from someone in your own child's age-group!

I'm not in the same boat as you, but I hope that won't mean that I cannot at least reassure you that the (AS) world has not abandoned you.

I am so sorry that your husband has left, maz. That is rotten.

I have been through the mill with all my five kids, NT and AS, but I can assure you that AS kids DO eventually 'catch up' (I did! ). I have three offspring in their twenties and fourteen-year-old twins. My eldest is now a concert pianist with letters after his name, my second runs his own WingTsun school - the fastest growing in Europe - and my daughter is about to complete a degree. Not one of them took a conventional path through the educational system. Two are parents with lovely sons.

My fourteen-year-old Aspie has just got his school national test scores - he is off the top of the scale. I'm wondering how I'm now supposed to persuade him that it might be a good idea for him to attend more than 40% of his classes when he reckons he doesn't need to.

The thing is, that we can lose sight of the best of our kids if we try to make them conform with modern society's very narrow view of what constitutes 'normal'. I and my Aspie ancestors were lucky enough to grow up in a culture where good old-fashioned English eccentricity was valued, not labelled as a disability!

I know that's not much help as you must raise your boys now, not in the past, but I have found that an attitude of 'us against the world' helped me when the going got really tough with my older kids because the alternative was to side with the people making life tough for my kids, and that just made it worse.

I regard my job as a parent is to act as an intermediary, or translator (such as those employed by the UN!). I don't have to be NT to help my kids to understand what the NT world is about, just to be able to translate what I have learnt about it to help them to cope a bit better.

And if I am able to help the NT world to see my kids as people first and foremost, not as problems, so much the better.

Sorry, rambling a bit (grannie's prerogative? ) please forgive me. Cyber hugs for people having it tough - I can only say again that IT DOES GET BETTER, it's just horrible that we have to go through the bad bits first.