(eg they never use a hoover near her, have removed the hand-drier from the toilets and let her have quiet time/space if she seems to need it etc).
(QUOTE): "The "hoover" (or vacuum cleaner, for Americans) is my son's one major fear. He will panic if he even thinks I'm going to turn it on. My rugs are very dirty as a result. I often wonder if I should use some kind of immersion therapy--like just run the machine for an hour until he stops caring. Usually if he's afraid of something he'll feel better once I explain it to him. He currently loves to look at vacuum cleaners for sale in a shop. He'll stare and ask me about each brand, but still he's afraid of the one we have at home. "
Our son was extremely sensitive to sound, especially in pre-school. Fire alarms were torture for him. He developed his own form of immersion therapy on his own time, actually seeking out loud noises or making them on his own, but always with him being in control of it. Unexepected loud noises are still an issue at age 6, however his tolerance is much, much higher than at age 4 and 5. The only way I get him to tolerate the vacuum cleaner is for him to "help" vacuum. That way he is in control of it. Usually I just run the vacuum when he is not at home.
Coffee grinding used to a problem, but now I just let him know I am about to grind coffee, and then he gets to come over and smell the fresh ground coffee (a nice little routine).
You are a very patient and kind father.
I don't know about immersion therapy. I am terrified of snakes, and if someone tossed me into a pool of snakes and left me there for an hour, I would hate that person until my dying day.
Can you get a carpet sweeper? Old fashioned way to clean carpets. You push it back and forth and it sort of brushes the carpet clean. Maybe if you showed him how to do it he would help you.
I don't know about immersion therapy. I am terrified of snakes, and if someone tossed me into a pool of snakes and left me there for an hour, I would hate that person until my dying day.
Can you get a carpet sweeper? Old fashioned way to clean carpets. You push it back and forth and it sort of brushes the carpet clean. Maybe if you showed him how to do it he would help you.
But snakes can actually be dangerous, and 99.9% of people on earth would be terrified if thrown into a pool of snakes. Immersion therapy is for irrational fears, not legitimate ones. It's used, for example, when someone is afraid of elevators. If you work on the 32nd floor, you pretty much have to use the elevator in order to live your life. So a trained therapist will ride you up and down in an elevator over and over again until you are desensitized.
A vacuum cleaner is a part of everyday life. I could get a carpet sweeper, but what about when my son is at school, or when we're out at a mall or a movie theater? My son has no fear of a loud, ice-crushing snowcone machine we have. Why? Because he knows it leads to a snowcone for him! It seems like the best way to deal with his fear of vacuum cleaners is exposure rather than avoidance. Now I should say that he does not care about other loud noises. If my child was afraid of lots of noises--sirens, thunderstorms, washing machines, etc.--I would not pretend to try to "cure" him of this. But it's just the vacuum cleaner.
Maybe you can find 'open drawings' of vacuumcleaners. So you can explain what's happening.
You certainly understand our situation exactly! I have tried to tell my son how the vacuum cleaner works, but that has not really helped. I did not think about showing him "open drawings." I will try this and post my results. I'm going to predict that he will want me to turn the vacuum cleaner on after he has studied the drawings. Thank you!
I have noise sensitivity too.
It frustrates me that people consider it a 'fault' in me. And also it is an imposed problem - i.e. if things in the world weren't so damn loud I'd be fine!
I understand all that completely, but since NTs are allowed to overcome their fears, why not aspies? NTs face issues like this all the time. Plenty of them have irrational fears, panic disorder, etc. If overcoming an irrational fear can improve your life, I say go for it. Clinging to a fear and "claiming" it is an avoidance technique, unless that fear is rational (as with the snakes). The average loud noise may be annoying--even to NTs--but it is not going to hurt you. And loud noises are going to be around you every day all the time. Things are not loud because NTs run the world--NTs are not the cause of thunderstorms, rooster crows, or half the noisy machines on earth (which were probably invented by aspies!).
So the issue is one of PAIN - and pretty darn severe pain. I also experence distress and panic AS A RESULT OF THE PAIN. Pain which I shouldn't have to experience in the first place.
And I don't think that having a panic and distress reaction to pain is unreasonable or irrational. Even if I were to have some kind of therapy to not be 'afraid' of being in pain, I would still experience the actual pain, and pain is NEVER going to be pleasant.
Not all loud noises are caused by NTs but many are. Shouting, shreiking, screaming, loud announcements on public transport, vehicles (especially ones that are in need of repairs that their NT owners for whatever reason have not carried out or had carried out), screeching brakes, lifts, escalators, squeaky doors, stamping feet, loud shoes, noisy people / families, people who have TVs or stereos too loud.....
I think aspies, just like NTs, should practice tolerance. Aspies expect NTs to be tolerant of their "quirks" (or whatever), but some aspies feel justified in being intolerant of NTs. Maybe that NT with the stereo "too loud" has poor hearing. And do you really think that aspies never have squeaking brakes on their cars? Trust me, my son shrieks and screams much louder than any NT child. If regular daily sounds--traffic, feet walking, escalators (which to me sound silent!)--are actually painful for you, there must be something you can do. Have you seen a hearing specialist? You say that these normal, everyday sounds don't bother you, they cause you actual pain. Have you been diagnosed with hyperacusis? You seem to be hurt by sounds from all types of volumes and frequencies. The difference between a loud stereo and a lift is vast. You can be treated for hyperacusis (if that's what you have), but I'm going to assume you're against any treatment. To me that's like someone with a headache refusing to take an aspirin. But it's your prerogative.
I understand that aspies are "different," but you know what? Everybody in the world is different. All NTs are not the same. Every person has his own pains, problems, sensitivities, etc. Lumping all NTs in together is like lumping everybody on the spectrum together. The world cannot bend to accommodate your every personal need. That's just the way life is. Everyday noise is not "wrong" or "bad" just because you don't like it, or because it causes you pain. I have arthritis and experience pain going up long flights of stairs. I don't go around ranting about how wrong stairs are, or how all buildings should be one story. I understand that most people do not have arthritis, and therefore do not have a problem with stairs. The stairs are not the problem, my arthritis is.
But I don't like it when someone is telling that its just nonsense. I was ridiculed because I complained about some things that are very painful to me and not to most others. But I also was ridiculed when I said giving birth (natural) was not really painful to me. My pain sensivities are different from average, but not less real.
I hope you didn't think I was saying the pain was nonsense! I just know there is a treatment for hyperacusis. It's a behavior mod treatment, not a pill. Regardless, when someone has pain with sound, it is often a sign of hearing impairment, not hearing perfection. As you point out, everybody has a different pain threshold. But there are other factors to consider. Natural childbirth may not have been painful for you, but this could be for a variety of reasons besides your pain tolerance. You may have a wider pelvis than some, for example, or may have had a shorter labor or a smaller baby. Every human body is different. People say you can't "push" if you've had an epidural, but I had an epidiural and I pushed my babies out with no problem. Another woman with an epidural may not have been able to push, because perhaps she did not have good muscle control, or had been pushing for 20 hours and was exhausted. She may not have been able to push even if she hadn't had the epidural, so without further study it's not possible to say the epidural directly caused the inability to push. There are a ton of variables in all these situations. Same with the hearing. It could be a medical problem, like an inner ear issue, or it could be simple intolerance. The latter could definitely be helped if the person was interested in getting help.
Well after all that, I just did vacuum the floor, after telling my son what I was going to do (he was in his bedroom which I did not enter), and then he got out the little dust-buster on his own accord (not so obnoxiously loud) and did some more himself!
Barnburner, you make many good points. Maybe give him a snowcone everytime you vacuum?
What about giving him earphones to wear for a while. The might block out much of the noise so he could get used to that as an in between step?
Yes, earphones are useful. I have owned a pair for about a year, though they do not block out all noise, they block out some of the compartments of the main noise, which I find helps.
I, aged 17, cannot cope with vacuum cleaners, my parents will only ever clean when I am out of the house- it causes tensions, as usually an adult has to accompany me out of the house, but earphones are useful if the situation is unavoidable.
Barnburner, you make many good points. Maybe give him a snowcone everytime you vacuum?
That's a fantastic idea! My son does great with incentives/rewards, but sometimes I forget to try them.
I do think my son is actually afraid of the vacuum cleaner, and not so much that the noise hurts his ears. He's not bothered in the least by leaf blowers, which sound like vacuum cleaners but are much worse. My son started to hate Teletubbies when he saw that NuNu (or whatever). He gets confused and sometimes afraid when he sees non-living things "alive." I guess this is related to the literal thinking and lack of imaginative play. He sees that NuNu--or our vacuum cleaner--and thinks it's alive and maybe coming after him? He used to be like this with the windshield wipers on the car. They must have looked to him like they had a mind of their own, and he used to fuss and cover his eyes when we would drive around on rainy days. He got over that after many, many conversations about what the wipers do, how they're controlled, and how nobody would be able to drive in the rain if they didn't have windshield wipers.
Yes, earphones are useful. I have owned a pair for about a year, though they do not block out all noise, they block out some of the compartments of the main noise, which I find helps.
I, aged 17, cannot cope with vacuum cleaners, my parents will only ever clean when I am out of the house- it causes tensions, as usually an adult has to accompany me out of the house, but earphones are useful if the situation is unavoidable.
These are supposed to be good for blocking out noise (and they're inexpensive):
Remington M-24 Ear Muffs
Barnburner, you make many good points. Maybe give him a snowcone everytime you vacuum?
What about giving him earphones to wear for a while. The might block out much of the noise so he could get used to that as an in between step?
I tried my new method yesterday: I said, "Today we're going to have Vacuum Cleaner Cookie Time! When I turn on the vacuum cleaner, you sit at the table and eat a cookie." He immediately began begging me to vacuum (!!), and when I did, he ate his cookie and seemed perfectly happy. So what does that mean? If the sound of the vacuum was truly scary to him or caused an actual pain in his ears, I highly doubt a cookie could have solved the problem. His reaction to Vacuum Cleaner Cookie Time reinforces what I had been thinking--that his "fear" reactions are often just tantrums based on intolerance. In short, he's "high strung."
Barnburner, you make many good points. Maybe give him a snowcone everytime you vacuum?
What about giving him earphones to wear for a while. The might block out much of the noise so he could get used to that as an in between step?
I tried my new method yesterday: I said, "Today we're going to have Vacuum Cleaner Cookie Time! When I turn on the vacuum cleaner, you sit at the table and eat a cookie." He immediately began begging me to vacuum (!!), and when I did, he ate his cookie and seemed perfectly happy. So what does that mean? If the sound of the vacuum was truly scary to him or caused an actual pain in his ears, I highly doubt a cookie could have solved the problem. His reaction to Vacuum Cleaner Cookie Time reinforces what I had been thinking--that his "fear" reactions are often just tantrums based on intolerance. In short, he's "high strung."
That is very interesting. I wonder if it is partially because his focus was on the cookie, and it is difficult for him to pay attention to more than one thing at a time. It does prove how much you can do with incentives. Hopefully he won't be around vacuum cleaning too much as an adult, as he will be eating cookies every time he hears one!
That is very interesting. I wonder if it is partially because his focus was on the cookie, and it is difficult for him to pay attention to more than one thing at a time. It does prove how much you can do with incentives. Hopefully he won't be around vacuum cleaning too much as an adult, as he will be eating cookies every time he hears one!
It's pretty amazing that after 3.5 years of what I would call a terror reaction to the vacuum cleaner--even the sight of it would sometimes make him panic--he will now sit happily in the kitchen and eat a cookie as I vacuum. It has worked twice so far. This whole incident is a good reminder to never forget the power of positive reinforcement. It seems to work very well with my son, especially if there's a formal arrangement involved, in this case: "You sit at the table...I'll give you an oatmeal cookie...don't take a bite yet!...as soon as I turn on the vacuum cleaner, start eating!" I guess maybe that amount of "order" gives him some feeling of control over his fear of the vacuum cleaner?