My daughter only started playing with one other kid when she was almost 5. Until then, preschool and first year of kindergarten she just observed. Because children were something quite scary, you never knew what they would do. She has been observing children for almost 3 years before she started interacting. But she did it herself.
In preschool and kindergarten she did sit next to children. She did some structured things next and simultaniously. But interaction was very rare.
Now she's nine, has a close friend, is not bullied, is doing quite good. And only now we are going for a diagnosis. Partly because she wants it.
I know all kinds of specialists say its very important to diagnose very early, so you can start treating very early. But there are also professionals that advise against early diagnosis, because you might miss the self-solving abilities of your child, and treatment can be quite invasive. I tend to go with the last. Why diagnose and treat that early. Your kid is 3,5, very lively, just not a big social talent. He might learn a lot in school. There contact with other kids is structured. So if the school is OK he should not get that anxious. And gradually he might even start to like kids.
Lots of kids just start to socialize after 3.
It depends of course on the parents and on the kid. But that was how it was with us.
I did not go with a full frontal assault when the school identified my oldest -- largely because I saw myself in the child and know that my life unfolded in a good way without 101 interventions. At this time my oldest is 12 and the younger two are 7 and almost-9. They are all on the spectrum. None have an official diagnosis, nor was a diagnosis necessary to receive special services at the school. A recent conversation with a neuropsychologist discouraged me from pursuing a diagnosis at this time. We have chosen to homeschool them all this year for both social and academic reasons. Right now the oldest is upstairs having a highly intellectual discussion with another aspy kid regarding the deep internal lives of video game characters. Whatev. They are happy. We are happy.
That said, there's something else that is very important. Every child is different and every family is different. We are doing what works for us and you all will make the right decisions for your family. You must always have faith in this -- you WILL choose the right path for your family. There is not a formula that random people can be plugged into and produce a given result. Don't let any one tell you what you should or should not do. You know your family, you know yourself. Go with your gut and believe in yourselves.
I am a qualified primary school teacher, my daughter (nearly 6 yrs old) was just recently diagnosed as aspie. She sounds a lot like your son (esp the special interests) apart from the fact that before starting school she was reluctant to interact with other adults as well as other kids.
It was first suggested that she was "socially immature" when she was at nursery (which she hated) and they suggested that she should go to a special school - because she is also hemiplegic and has scoliosis.
I said to the psychs and neuro that in my experience as a teacher, children go through big changes socially between nursery and the first two years of school, especially children who do not have siblings at home. I also felt sure that with good support she could cope physically and emotionally at a mainstream school.
I found a good school with excellent inclusion strategies and good links with the relevant outreach workers etc. It turns out that she is aspie/HFA, but I was right about changes in her social development. She has just completed Reception, and both I and the teachers are absolutely delighted with her progress. She still likes to play alone a lot which is not discouraged (allowing her to make her own "social options"), but she will now communicate confidently with adults (she used to shut her eyes and put her head to the wall if people spoke to her), she has friends and has asked to have them home for playdates and now enjoys having cousins over for sleep-overs/play (used to ignore them or ask loudly "when are they going").
She enjoys school, partly I think because it is a far more structured and calmer environment than nursery. They have made good provision in terms of physical adaptations/assistance but are also aware of her sensory issues (eg they never use a hoover near her, have removed the hand-drier from the toilets and let her have quiet time/space if she seems to need it etc).
My advice would be to wait and see. When he starts school, let the school be aware of your concerns so that they can assess and monitor your childs' development, let them know if there are any sensory issues etc . See where his social development is after 6 months of Reception, if by then you still feel further investigation is desirable the Ed Psych could liase with the teachers and start some formal assessment/observations. Getting a diagnosis at that stage isn't about "label-seeking" or "curebie attitudes", it's just making sure that the school understands any "special needs" that may arise (sensory/emotionally etc). Just give him time to make the step from nursery to school first before having formal assessments about social development.
P.S) My daughter is absolutely a T.V/P.C junkie.......I wish I could wean her away from the "screens" a bit !
When I was looking for a primary school, I checked out all the OFSTED (school inspection) reports online for the local schools, to find out about their ratings for SEN etc (as well as general teaching gradings). This one was the best, but we lived slightly out of the catchment area..and it was "sought after" by parents.
I organised a visit ....and the Inclusion teacher/SENCO who met us turned out to be somebody I went to teacher training college with......
Heavy hints were dropped about how "useful" I could be to the school (I'm now running the school "magazine club" and they want me to do supply work for them). ....I think that all helped with getting her admitted.
However they already had certificates of excellence for SEN inclusion and have/or have had pupils with ASD, cerebral palsy etc etc So the staff (teachers and support staff) already have training in these areas, and many of the physical adaptions (ramps & handrails etc) were already in place. So there are some decent mainstream schools around out there, but you've got to hunt them down.
This school was actually recommended to me by an organisation called "Parents in Partnership", who are advocates for SEN kids and their parents. They pushed through the SEN statement and made sure that the local council coughed up the funds for additional classroom support etc. They are brilliant and can help with all sorts of education related issues, I'm not sure if they are regional or national (UK), if they do operate in your area, they are well worth contacting.
On the noise issues, my daughter still hates anything that goes "whoosh", but now she just shuts herself in the bathroom when I hoover/mow the lawn. We always try to use the disabled toilets when in town to avoid the hand-driers...and I let my hair drip dry.....
My son has a diagnosis of aspergers - at three and a half he barely spoke. Children are different. Three and half is very young - children of this age tend to play alongside each other - they are not really into interactive play.
Take joy in your intelligent son (I'm sure your do!!!!).
I wouldn't consider looking to diagnose a child of three and half with the social deficits of aspergers. He needs more time to mature. However - as with any child I would want to be assessing his needs - and then adapting his environment to suit.
My thoughts only.
My son has a diagnosis of aspergers - at three and a half he barely spoke.
Whatever happened to "no clinically significant delay in language"?
That's a diagnostic critieria of AS. I was of the understanding that you couldn't get the diagnosis if there was a clinically significant delay in language.
Simen - It depends how you define "clinically significant delay" in language. My son was speaking in short sentences at the age of three and a half - he understood language fully - he had an advanced voculabary at age 10 - he just wasn't into speaking much. He has an engineers type mind.
For these reasons it was determined by the diagnosing doctor - that the speech delay was not 'clinically significant' and the diagnosis was aspergers rather than high functioning autism.
barnburner - my thought is your son may very well fit on the autistic spectrum - maybe he feels overwhelmed and fearful when other children are around and this might explain his behaviour. I would want to get some help with this - maybe a child psychologist might be able to help. When my son was younger I had no idea why he struggled so much - and sadly I wasn't much help to him. But now we find the answer lies in support and adapting his environment to fit with him - this helps to support and build his self esteem.
I wish you well.
You need to listen to your instincts - and do what you feel is right for your son.
No one knows you son like you do - you know him best. If he is struggling with getting along with other children and if it creates too big a problem - finding a way to help him to cope better seems like a good option. We want our children to be happy - have good self esteem and be able to cope in the world. Helping him learn - is always good. It's part of life.
Barnburner, 3,5 is an age that lots of things happen. It is not so strange that he is changing rapidly and it won't be strange if he even acts kind of agressive or highly emotional. They do not call it toddler-puberty for nothing. Changing is a big event. And all the kids do it their own way. As for your pediatrician; if you look for information on gifted you will see the symptoms look very much like autism symptoms. So maybe your pediatrician is right, maybe he does not want to think otherwise.
It is indeed how you feel about it that will be decisive if you want him evaluated or not. Good luck, and trust yourself.
Is it going to be a big deal if he's diagnosed as Asperger's? Like will everyone in the school know he's "special needs," etc., etc.? I'd rather have him mainstreamed and just considered "different," rather than point a finger at him and say, "You're not acting like us, so you're
wrong!" I definitely agree with Simon Baron-Cohen about people with Asperger's not necessarily having a disability. The only thing my son can't do well is socialize. In every other way he's better than all the other kids.
Even without a diagnosis, if your son has special needs he will be known as special needs.Even with a diagnosis, if your son fits into classroom routine well he will not be known as special needs. It won't hurt for you to have an initial consultation if you are this torn. Initial consults don't break the bank and give you a more clear picture of what's going on.
None of my children has a diagnosis, yet they are all viewed as "different" by their peers because they are different. It isn't something you can hide at such a young age, and diagnosis changes nothing in that regard.
One more question: what is an "initial consultation" and where do I get one? I don't even know where to begin with any of this stuff. Who is the best person to evaluate my son? How do I know if that person is qualified?
barnburner, I just checked your profile here and it doesn't say where you live. I live in the US, and even here things depend a lot on not only your school district, but your school. We've used two schools within the same school district and they were very different in how they managed special needs children. Two of my kids were categorized as autistic by the school even though they have no diagnosis, and they received services accordingly. The other has a diagnosis of Apraxia of Speech, which my husband, myself, and several therapy professionals believe is a misdiagnosis, but he got the services he needed by having that diagnosis when he was 2. The U.S. has strange medical insurance issues such that we cannot simply put down a code for autism and receive necessary therapies. To get speech therapy, we needed the Apraxia diagnosis. For OT, we have a hypotonia diagnosis, etc. etc. It is very stupid.
If you are in the UK, it is entirely possible that educational and medical records are one and the same. I have noted at this board that the government in the UK seems far more comfortable intruding on peoples privacy than I've experienced here in the US.
As for the initial consultation, I have done this twice: Once when my oldest was 6 and once a couple of weeks ago. A good way to be sure that you are contacting a professional who has a similar philosophical view is to check out who their colleagues are. The person I called recently had been associated with Stanley Greenspan, the guy who developed the Floor Time program -- which I think is brilliant. I don't want to talk to some one who believes there's a pill for everything, that isn't the way my family lives.
barnburner, I just checked your profile here and it doesn't say where you live. I live in the US, and even here things depend a lot on not only your school district, but your school.
I'm in the US, and it was actually a teacher friend here who told me to be careful of an evaluation or "diagnosis," especially one made by the school. That all goes on the "permanent record," and a wrong diagnosis can dog the kid forever. So it's preferable to go to a medical person for the diagnosis, but I'm still not exactly sure what kind of medical person. The pediatrician thinks my son is "gifted," but she only sees him once a year for fifteen minutes. I guess I could ask her what to do, though. My teacher friend says I should wait until my son enters kindergarten, because the "culture" of kindergarten is different from that of preschool, and my son may do better in that environment. He hasn't had major problems at preschool yet, I just expect he will since his social skills are not improving at all. It was OK for him to ignore everybody last year, because he was only 2. By age three they expect more interaction among peers. Some people in other posts here have suggested I wait until he is 5 to give him a little more time to mature, which goes along with what my teacher friend says. But I don't want to miss a window of opportunity for early intervention if that could be of help to my son. He gets anxious around other kids and that's when he tends to act out. I wish I had tools to help him with that. I don't care if he likes the other kids at school--I didn't like the kids in my school, except for my one best friend--but it does help to be able to "fit in."
Barnburner, can you pick a school for you kid, or don't you have much choice? What Grizeldatee said about schools is very true in my country. They've got very different approaches on ASS per school. My oldest has not been evaluated, but school had enough knowledge to recognise enough traits and give her the safety she needs. They don't like labeling, even if labeling would bring in extra money.
A friend of mine was asked by school to get her son dx-ed. (another school) She asked why? Do you have problems with him? Does he have problems? The answer was:"No but we think he's a PDD-NOS and we'd like the extra money". Her son was doing fine, they had had him on social training years before, because of being bullied.
She chose not to dx. Though she does think the kid is on the spectrum.
Then I know of a kid with formidable tantrums, socially awkward, hardly any contacts with kids, also difficult with adults. She turns out to have an unmeasurable iq. Adaptations in school changed the kid completely.
btw kindergarten was much better for my kid.
This is just what I have been through, and after researching and studying my daughter, I made the very difficult decision to NOT have her in special education. BUT my husband went over my head, and had her admitted to the PPCD program. That's preschool program for children with disabilities. Yes, I live in the USA. The federal govt. program under IDEA requires a flat autism diagnosis, and won't accept Asperger's or Nonverbal Learning Disability as a diagnosis to get services. After about six weeks of total HATE directed at my husband, I began to relent as I could see that my daughter LOVED school and was making more progess than she had without it. She turned four in May and was in school for only two months before that. Her teachers are quite excellent, and my husband had known them for several years, hence his overriding my decision, which I think was probably correct. The haunting aspect is that this special ed. will be on her permanent school record for seven YEARS after she is dismissed, assuming she is ever dismissed from special education and mainstreamed, which is our hope (mainstreaming, that is).
The thing is, once your child is in the public schools, he will almost certainly be singled out as different, because it really is pretty obvious to teachers who see hundreds and thousands of kids, who are all basically alike (no offense to those kids, but just by comparison with our Aspie darlings). So whether or not you request an evaluation, I believe odds are, an evaluation will be requested by the school. They may just suggest ADD or ADHD, as symptoms overlap a whole lot, and many teachers will think an Aspie is actually an ADDer. Unfortunately, although ADD is less stigmatized, it also blames the child for their "bad" behavior, rather than accepting that the behavior is truly out of the child's control. So, I think the lesser evil is to go ahead with the autism diagnosis. My daughter has really become much more sociable, though she is still her quirky little self. Being around other kids in a very structured setting has helped. The main thing for me is that she really likes school and LOVES her teacher. So that matters the most. Yes school districts vary, schools vary, and teachers vary. I'm very glad that we have started out with such a great teacher. I believe she will help make sure the rest of my daughter's elementary experience is good, and I will of course remain vigilant to do the same.
Sorry so long. It's a terribly important subject. As with other posters I advise you to do what you truly feel is best. It is gut-wrenching and heart-breaking. Best of luck.
I agree that you want a developmental pediatrician and /or a psychiatrist who has experience with Asperger's. I don't think it's a good idea to rely on the school psychologist, and that is likely all that the school will offer you.
I agree that you want a developmental pediatrician and /or a psychiatrist who has experience with Asperger's. I don't think it's a good idea to rely on the school psychologist, and that is likely all that the school will offer you.
The school was quite specific that all they offered was a categorization, not a diagnosis.