Aspies For Freedom

"Should he see a professional for a diagnosis? How do I know what kind of expert will be best suited to evaluate him? What if he is misdiagnosed and ends up pigeon-holed forever? My husband and I don't think there's really anything wrong with our son, but I'm worried that the social issues will get worse or get him into trouble in school."

�� It sound too early to me to seek a diagnosis, and it is quite possible to get a wrong one.��We did not seek one until our son was getting in trouble with hitting other kids in preschool. His speech therapist suspected what the issue was and referred us to a local neurodevelopmental pediatric MD, who is an expert on Asperger's
(the speech therapist did not mention Aspergers, she just noted the behaviors).��If it gets to the point where you need special services or medical insurance paid by the state, then it helps to have a diagnosis. At this point I think just letting the teachers know that he needs help on controlling the agrressive behaviour is enough. For us "consequences" have worked best, and the old "time out" thing was a disaster. Rewards for "being nice to friends" can also help. If you have good understanding teachers it will make a huge difference.
The worst ones (teachers or mental health professionals) will imply that you are either a bad or incompetent parent. Please don't buy into that one! Relax and enjoy his company!

nadinebrwn Wrote:

Is he an only child?��Maybe he's just not used to being around other kids.��He sounds fine to me.��I'd just let him be.

When your friends make comments based on magazine articles they've read, just tell him you think he's fine.��And say it with gusto!��Because he is!

He is not an only child, but he is my first. He has a younger brother who is NT all the way.

Starting at 10 or 12 months, our older son would point to pictures in books and make an "ehhh?" sound--he wanted us to tell him what the name for the picture was. We'd oblige and say, "elephant" or "praying mantis," etc. By the time he was 20 months, he was using three-syllable words, correct tenses, plurals, prepositions, and possessives, and could identify and say the name of a hyena, a Volkswagen--and any number of other rather obscure things (for someone under two) he saw in a book. He has always wanted to know what things are and how they work. Our younger son is 16 months and is mostly interested in books for chewing or throwing out of his crib! Until the second child came along, we had no idea that the first one was in any way different. But it's clear now that our first son is not like any of the other children we know. We, of course, think both our kids are "normal"! They're complete individuals.

I treat my older son as "normal" all the time, but my friends can tell that something is different. When my son is around other kids and they're all in the sandbox in our backyard, my son will be as far away from them as possible, maybe playing with the hose or trying to catch a moth. No matter what my son is doing, if one of the other kids tries to join him, he stops doing it and walks away.

I'm going to take your advice. When someone tries to tell me what they think is wrong with my son, I'll just say, "He's fine." If they want to gossip to their pals that my son is autistic and I'm ignoring the problem, that'll just have to be their problem. I guess I'm just sensitive because I don't want to find out that my son needs help and I'm not getting it for him. This is exactly why I'm looking for advice here. When my son is around adults, he's quite a joy. He certainly has tantrums and can be difficult, but I'll take that any day over a child who is boring and has no interests. He's quirky and fascinating. I'm just worried that he's going to have trouble in school. He went to a day camp in June and got in trouble for chasing and shoving some girls (and laughing about it), hugging too hard, and disrupting story time. I didn't think those seemed like unusual things for a three-year-old boy to do, but the teacher was calling me into the office over this stuff day after day. She made it very clear that he wasn't trying to be mean or hurt anybody, but that he was definitely disrupting class and endangering the other kids with his rough contact. I guess I'll just have to wait for school to start in September and see how things go.

littlem Wrote:

I am a qualified primary school teacher, my daughter (nearly 6 yrs old) was just recently diagnosed as aspie. She sounds a lot like your son (esp the special interests) apart from the fact that before starting school she was reluctant to interact with other adults as well as other kids.

It was first suggested that she was "socially immature" when she was at nursery (which she hated) and they suggested that she should go to a special school - because she is also hemiplegic and has scoliosis.

I said to the psychs and neuro that in my experience as a teacher, children go through big changes socially between nursery and the first two years of school, especially children who do not have siblings at home. I also felt sure that with good support she could cope physically and emotionally at a mainstream school.

I found a good school with excellent inclusion strategies and good links with the relevant outreach workers etc.��It turns out that she is aspie/HFA, but I was right about changes in her social development. She has just completed Reception, and both I and the teachers are absolutely delighted with her progress. She still likes to play alone a lot which is not discouraged (allowing her to make her own "social options"), but she will now communicate confidently with adults (she used to shut her eyes and put her head to the wall if people spoke to her), she has friends and has asked to have them home for playdates and now enjoys having cousins over for sleep-overs/play (used to ignore them or ask loudly "when are they going").

She enjoys school, partly I think because it is a far more structured and calmer environment than nursery. They have made good provision in terms of physical adaptations/assistance but are also aware of her sensory issues (eg they never use a hoover near her, have removed the hand-drier from the toilets and let her have quiet time/space if she seems to need it etc).

My advice would be to wait and see. When he starts school, let the school be aware of your concerns so that they can assess and monitor your childs' development,��let them know if there are any sensory issues etc . See where his social development is after 6 months of Reception, if by then you still feel further investigation is desirable the Ed Psych could liase with the teachers and start some formal assessment/observations. Getting a diagnosis at that stage isn't about "label-seeking" or "curebie attitudes", it's just making sure that the school understands any "special needs" that may arise (sensory/emotionally etc). Just give him time to make the step from nursery to school first before having formal assessments about social development.

P.S) My daughter is absolutely a T.V/P.C junkie.......I wish I could wean her away from the "screens" a bit !

littlem Wrote:

she will now communicate confidently with adults (she used to shut her eyes and put her head to the wall if people spoke to her), she has friends and has asked to have them home for playdates and now enjoys having cousins over for sleep-overs/play (used to ignore them or ask loudly "when are they going").

Your daughter really does sound like my son! Although my son will talk to adults, he does often close his eyes, smile, and turn his head away when they ask him direct questions. He also gives silly "wrong" answers to questions he finds too "dumb" or "easy," which definitely gets on my nerves. My son also will say, "I want them to go home!" sometimes when we have company.

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(eg they never use a hoover near her, have removed the hand-drier from the toilets and let her have quiet time/space if she seems to need it etc).

The "hoover" (or vacuum cleaner, for Americans) is my son's one major fear. He will panic if he even thinks I'm going to turn it on. My rugs are very dirty as a result. I often wonder if I should use some kind of immersion therapy--like just run the machine for an hour until he stops caring. Usually if he's afraid of something he'll feel better once I explain it to him. He currently loves to look at vacuum cleaners for sale in a shop. He'll stare and ask me about each brand, but still he's afraid of the one we have at home.

Quote:

P.S) My daughter is absolutely a T.V/P.C junkie.......I wish I could wean her away from the "screens" a bit !

I do find it funny that I'm the only parent on earth trying to get her child to watch more TV! Most people say, "Wow--you're so lucky that your son doesn't like TV." But he actually gets upset when I turn the TV on, and will run up and turn it off. He's not afraid (unless it's Teletubbies on!), but just seems to hate it. I've been trying to get him to like one or two shows just so he can get over this intense aversion. It just seems like one more wacky trait that will probably mellow with time.

�� I am new to this site and just posted without comment. While it is probably a new thread, I have to day that finding a school that accomodating sounds great (and unusual). Dealing with public school has been hard for us, and they have not been willing to change what they normally do in the mainstream class or change the physical environment at all.�� Our son had a great time at camp with other Aspies this summer and it was a great relief for me not to have to try to explain his quirks to the staff (they understood and expected it).
�� Back to the thread, I think that once your child gets into the school system, if you need special accomodations or an aide then you have to have a diagnosis (preferably an accurate one).

barnburner Wrote:

hyke Wrote:

Barnburner, 3,5 is an age that lots of things happen. It is not so strange that he is changing rapidly and it won't be strange if he even acts kind of agressive or highly emotional. They do not call it toddler-puberty for nothing. Changing is a big event. And all the kids do it their own way.

I honestly thought my son was just "smart" and never considered that there was something otherwise different about him. Things changed rather recently, especially after a woman I know told me she'd "never seen anything like" my son's tantrums. I thought every parent experienced those types of meltdowns, but I guess not! This woman's young kids are very meek. She can give them the evil eye or do the old "Young man, you calm down right now!" and her kids will snap out of it. My son is much more intense. If he sees you as "soft" (i.e., like waffling on the rules), the more his tantrum will escalate. If he's throwing toys around the room and screaming, the worst thing you can do is get down on his level and say, "Now, honey, please calm down. Tell me what's wrong. Can you do that? You don't need to throw toys or scream. I can help you if you can just calm down and tell me what's wrong..." Try that and you'll end up with a toy in your face. The only effective way to handle a tantrum like that is to put him in the naughty chair and walk away, as in Supernanny. He needs that kind of firm approach. I believe he finds comfort in knowing that his behavior can be controlled by an outside force (the naughty chair) when he can't control it himself. Sounds like any pre-schooler, really, but when you add in the social deficit, the pedantic language, the word play, etc., he comes out as an Aspie, I think.

As you have provided at lot more details about your son, he sounds more and more like my son at that age, who was diagnosed with Aspergers while still in preschool. To get an accurate diagnosis other things have to be ruled out (like bi-polar). Having the diagnosis was helpful for us as it got us "wraparound" services and his medical services at no charge. His mobile therapist has been a big help. He also gets an "IEP" at school (individual education plan), which is required by federal law for kids with special needs.��
�� Relating to kids has always been much harder for our son than dealing with adults. The "other kids" are unpredictible and not so easy to control (and that is probably what is scary for sensitive kids like ours).

barnburner Wrote:

grizeldatee Wrote:

It won't hurt for you to have an initial consultation if you are this torn.��Initial consults don't break the bank and give you a more clear picture of what's going on.

One more question: what is an "initial consultation" and where do I get one? I don't even know where to begin with any of this stuff. Who is the best person to evaluate my son? How do I know if that person is qualified?

�� We got two diagnosis opionions, The first was from a psychiatrist (Michael R. Wymes, M.D, Board certified child and adolescent Psychiatrist) who specialized in children and who could tell the difference between Asperger's and bi-polar.��The other professional was Dr. Beth Parrish at St. Christopher's in Philadelphia. She is a Neurodevelpmental Pediatrician who specializes in Aspergers. It can take 6 months or more to get an initial appoinment with her.
��My statment about the benefit of an "IEP" is for the United States, by the way.��The other kids and parents at my son's school do not know he has Aspergers or special needs, even though he has a school aide for 1;1 support. So far my six year old son does not know he has a diagnosis of Aspergers. For the US having the diagnosis and IEP legally prevents the school from punishing our son for behavior that is related or results from his having Aspergers. In Philadelphia the school district has a "zero tolerance" policy, so this is useful.

barnburner Wrote:

Today I visited a man who is recovering from surgery, and I brought my son along. My son was at first quiet, looking around the room, etc., as I was talking to this man, but then my son suddenly said, "The rug in this room is very dirty!" I was mortified. Of course the man we were visiting made light of it, said his wife would agree with my son, etc., and laughed. But I felt horrible. And the rug wasn't even actually dirty, at least not as far as I could see. I think my son was just referring to a line he'd heard me say about a dirty rug in our own house. My son then proceeded to climb on the furniture, putting his shoes all over the chair seats. I told him to please keep his shoes off this man's furniture, but my son ignored me, laughed, and deliberately put his shoes all over the furniture some more. Then he started poking at a floor lamp, trying to knock it over. Keep in mind, all this was going on while I was trying to have a conversation with the housebound guy we were visiting! My son also started interrupting our conversation to shout out random things, "There's a fly over there in the fireplace!" or "Why is that ceiling fan spinning so slowly?" In some ways it seemed like he was just being bratty and trying to get attention, but there was something else at work. I believe the social setting was freaking him out, even though there was just one other adult in the room (and my son usually does quite well with adults). My son eventually started melting down big time (and we were only there for twenty minutes) and I had to lift him out of the chair he was in and carry him, kicking and screaming, out to the car. I had never experienced anything like this before with my son. My first reaction was not to take him with me next time I go to someone's house! This incident has made me once again think about getting a diagnosis. I feel like my son needs help before things get really out of hand. My husband still disagrees and thinks it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be. Sigh.

Have any of you experienced and incident like this? If so, how did you deal with it? I guess next time I take my son somewhere like that, I'll have to set up some incentives before we leave, to encourage him to act in a more appropriate manner. I just didn't expect him to act out like that, so I didn't really prepare him.

I agree with you that it sounds like it is time to get some help. In the US that usually involves an initial diagnosis (better to get the correct one of course). I think your instinct is right on. Don't ignore it! If your spouse does not agree just say that you need to do it for yourself and that it won't hurt to get professional advice. Your spouse may also be in denial about what is going on (which I think is normal).��

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