Aspies For Freedom

I am officially diagnosed as Aspie because of severe life-long social isolation, but the causes given for such problems for Aspies do not really fit me. For example, I read that Aspies may have inborn trouble in HOW to communicate due to lack of skill or perception, while my inborn trouble is more in WHAT to communicate due to different interests and needs. In fact, every aspect of my psychological make-up is profoundly different from NTs, making me profoundly incompatible with them, resulting in me being virtually completely isolated from society (no job, no friends). But the details given for Asperger or Autism does not seem to be the underlying reason for my difficulties.
But If I do not belong with Aspies, then I am still alone.
Zylon

I don't know whether or not you are an aspie; but I wish you every success in your search.

One thing I know is that what an aspie is can't always be found in a book; who you are can't be defined simply. Look within.

Hello Zylon.

No two Aspies are alike.  From what I've read, it's unlikely anyone has every single trait.  You wouldn't be the first officially-diagnosed Aspie on this site who's unsure despite having the official dx.  Most of the people here don't even care whether or not you've got an official dx.  (I don't have one, and I haven't been asked to leave.  Some of us have our reasons to avoid the test.)  So, if unofficials like myself and about half the members here belong, then you definitely have a right to be here.  Welcome, and we hope to see you here often.

If you really don't think it's AS, there's a few other things you could look into, including Schizoid Personality Disorder (which I myself have had to rule out, and I conclude I don't really have it) and even Schizotypal PD.  You can also look into Agoraphobia, and see if there might be some instance of emotional trauma in your past, that could have set that off.

Severe life-long social isolation is very common in Schizoid PD, as far as I know.  But, I'm no expert, so don't quote me on that.

Just a few thoughts.

Hi Zylon

I think all the replies above make good points.

My own view, for whatever it's worth, is that the distinction between HOW and WHAT to communicate is really just a matter of viewpoint.  Other people may see us being silent and assume that we lack the skill to communicate to them, or to perceive things that are important to them.  They're on the outside, looking in. But for us, on the inside looking out, the problem feels more like "what can I say that they'll accept or understand?".

And the professionals who make up labels for various types of people are usually on the outside looking in - although some say Hans Asperger might have qualified as an aspie himself.  So feel free to use the label if you're comfortable with it, if it helps others to know who you are.

hello zylon. like these other people have said, you're welcome here. with the kinds of questions that you have, this is a good place to be.

i have something to say about 'belonging' and being alone. since i found my aspie identity i have become more aware of how deeply difficult it is for anyone else to 'see' me. for NTs, it's simply so hard to imagine what the experience of an aspie is like. and for other aspies - well, we're a spectrum, all different in quite significant ways. and we're aspies, who by definition have difficulty seeing other people!

what this leads me to, is the awareness that i must look for recognition and acceptance basically to myself. there is a kind of love and recognition that i must find for myself, which i can't expect to find from any other person. if i can find it, it's with me always, and i can never be lonely. it also gives me compassion for aspies (like me) and NTs (who are cut off my my unique experience and find me hard to understand).

this generous acceptance of my own nature, my own qualities, my own (strange) experience is not easy to reach. but it feels a whole lot better to me, seeking and holding this, than to seek it outside in the world, in AN Other person - even a long-term, loving partner like the wife of 35 years who i now live separately from, because striving to be seen by her became so painful and exhausting.

so perhaps... the soulution [ok that's a typo, but i'll let it stand ] is generous love and acceptance towards ourselves, as lovely people who must live a good life in a way that most people find strange and both we and they find painful?

i wonder if that's what belonging to this AFF community is about?

with love
/michael

Hello all,
Thank you for your replies. I will begin telling you about myself. These are some of the ways which I differ from NTs, but have not seen related to Asperger either. These are all inborn traits, consistent throughout my entire life, all just as true for when I was a child as now. It would be a pleasant surprise if someone here identifies with any of this:
1.I have never liked to play games of any sort, or any type of competiton or challenge.
2.I am by nature extremely affectionate, and when I love someone, it is completely unconditional (except for the condition that they do not change).
3. I find infants totally disgusting, and not cute at all.
4. My psychological make-up does not change with time, and is the same now as when I was 7 years old. Pubetry nonwithstanding, sex is totally alien to me. I have no interest in sex, and can't imagine it having any meaning whatever. Sexual cues, such as female breasts, are repulsive to me.
5. I have no interest in social conflict or any story in which anything goes wrong. When I do enjoy a movie, it is usually the personalities of the characters, not the plot. All movie plots I have seen are based on troubles and conflicts, and I find no interest in that.
6.My intelligence is widely split, with conceptual/analytic/insight level high and working/short-term/rote memory low.
7. Faces have an overwhelming effect on me, and account for most of how happy or unhappy I am with someone.
This is getting long, so I will stop here for now. I so far have not seen any of these things associated with Asperger, but they sure make me incompatible with the NT.
Zylon

Zylon, I couldn't help wondering why or whether it matters. I think you will find friends here, if friends are what you seek.  Every brain has a unique shape.  I think about this sometimes -- brains are like snowflakes. Maybe yours doesn't fit so very neatly into a broad categorical box, but how important is that?  Even the ones that are a good fit have unique attributes that are simply ignored in order to keep the fit.  So it seems to me anyway.

Hello grizeldatee,
It matters when I seek help or try to be involved in something where I must be understood. Being misunderstood causes society to expect things of me which are not correct, or to deny me the help I need. It would be much simpler to just say "I am an Aspie", then have society know what to expect from me. However, that is not the case; even if they understand Asperger, they will still come to the wrong conclusion about me. Without a known category, society puts me into some wrong known category which I may remind them of and insists things are true about me which are not true. They will not believe me without a known category. This is reality.
Zylon

Hi Zylon,

My advice would be that if it's easier for you to say "I am an Aspie" as an explanation, then just say it. Then if someone is interested and wants to know more specifics, then you can tell them about the autistic spectrum, and how you may or may not fit the particular Aspie category.

There can be a lot of reasons for each trait ascribed to autism.  Have been meaning to write about it for awhile because... in things we don't do it might be things like:

* Not knowing how
* Not knowing why
* Preferring strongly not to
* Being unable to despite knowing how and why (for any number of other reasons that may or may not relate to knowledge)
* Not knowing it's a possibility
* Not being exposed to the situations that would enable one to learn how

etc

And there's so many possibilities, there's not one "type" of autistic person.

Yes Zylon you are of course welcome here and the other folks in this thread have offered some good ideas to chew on.

They say the "next closest thing" to Asperger is Schizoid PD... I am not sure if you've heard of it before, but if you were to ask me it seems the traits you list are compatible both with Asperger and Schizoid; you might be both (the traits that don't fit Asperger perfectly, may be from Schizoid PD), or either one.

One thing that might lean toward Schizoid is if you are "indifferent" to criticism--very often Asperger has the opposite problem, being highly sensitive in most respects.

Schizoid seems more highly correlated with "lack of interest" in environment, other people, than Asperger does.

You seem to think you need a specific category to fit your neurological makeup into--that is why I am offering this suggestion, otherwise I'd be happy to keep these ideas to myself.

Good luck and welcome aboard!