08-05-2007, 11:42 PM
I posted this in a different section, and Max The Bear recommended I post it here, so here's a more direct version of my concern.
I am an NT in the US, but I have a very close AS friend in the UK. We've known each other about a year or so, mainly with text. After a flirting period we decided to deem ourselves "going out", and the flirting stopped almost immediately. At first, I thought I had done something wrong, and so I stopped being close, myself, and eventually asked "Are you still liking being considered a couple?" and he answered back immediately "Of course!"
After reading some materials on the subject, I learned it's probably because he feels it's redundant to continue to do so. I wish it was closer like it was before, but I don't want him to not be himself and "go through the motions" and be frustrated by it.
At times, I feel moved to talk about my joy for him and how wonderful he makes me feel, but I'm hesitant to do so, because the last thing I want is for him to feel uncomfortable. However, by not mentioning it, I worry he'll think I might just want to be friends. He'd just tell me, though, right? If I was bugging him, or if he worried that I wasn't acting the same as I used to when we were flirting...?
We plan to meet in person later this year, for a week or so, and decide if what we have online is something that would work in person. I want to make the best impression I can, and make sure we communicate effectively. I have certain wants in a relationship, and I know he must too. However, I know he has trouble talking about his emotions, and gets embarrassed when I discuss my feelings for him. How should we go about talking about "us", in a way that won't make him uncomfortable?
If we do feel we have something that can last, I plan to pack up my life and move to the UK to be with him. That's an amazingly big step for me, so I want to make sure things are what they seem. From what I understand, I need to be direct with my questions about the relationship, and I should trust that when he tells me something, that he's not just saying what I want to hear. Does this sound right?
Thanks in advance for any advice on this... I consider myself pretty empathic at times, and really try to put myself in another's shoes in order to determine how to act or help. However, it sounds like with AS he may have trouble doing that, so this is an entirely different kind of thinking for me, and I get a little frustrated at times trying to put myself in his shoes when I don't know how what I do affects him.
I am an NT in the US, but I have a very close AS friend in the UK. We've known each other about a year or so, mainly with text. After a flirting period we decided to deem ourselves "going out", and the flirting stopped almost immediately. At first, I thought I had done something wrong, and so I stopped being close, myself, and eventually asked "Are you still liking being considered a couple?" and he answered back immediately "Of course!"
After reading some materials on the subject, I learned it's probably because he feels it's redundant to continue to do so. I wish it was closer like it was before, but I don't want him to not be himself and "go through the motions" and be frustrated by it.
At times, I feel moved to talk about my joy for him and how wonderful he makes me feel, but I'm hesitant to do so, because the last thing I want is for him to feel uncomfortable. However, by not mentioning it, I worry he'll think I might just want to be friends. He'd just tell me, though, right? If I was bugging him, or if he worried that I wasn't acting the same as I used to when we were flirting...?
We plan to meet in person later this year, for a week or so, and decide if what we have online is something that would work in person. I want to make the best impression I can, and make sure we communicate effectively. I have certain wants in a relationship, and I know he must too. However, I know he has trouble talking about his emotions, and gets embarrassed when I discuss my feelings for him. How should we go about talking about "us", in a way that won't make him uncomfortable?
If we do feel we have something that can last, I plan to pack up my life and move to the UK to be with him. That's an amazingly big step for me, so I want to make sure things are what they seem. From what I understand, I need to be direct with my questions about the relationship, and I should trust that when he tells me something, that he's not just saying what I want to hear. Does this sound right?
Thanks in advance for any advice on this... I consider myself pretty empathic at times, and really try to put myself in another's shoes in order to determine how to act or help. However, it sounds like with AS he may have trouble doing that, so this is an entirely different kind of thinking for me, and I get a little frustrated at times trying to put myself in his shoes when I don't know how what I do affects him.