Aspies For Freedom

Story idea (with some exerpts)

I need some early criticism. Please be honest because I know that people here can be critical of stories with autistic characters. I want that kind of criticism here.

The idea is this (as far as I have it in the early stage)

Not far distant future. On an island (location unknown) is an isolated community, of which all the members have varying degrees of ASDs. Four of them discover the secret of the island, which is that it is a place where NTs take their "defective" children, and the people of the tower can look after them. But when the island is threatened, the people of the tower intend to abandon its inhabitants to their fate. So they must resist in order to survive.

I had this idea as a kind of sci-fi / future fantasy, which I want to write and get published one day.

I have some exerpts written:
Just a few... (CFD - Crappy First Draft - stuff)

#1

Once upon a time, the world was a mirror. And all the people of the world looked upon this mirror, and within it they saw perfection.

But the people who saw the mirror grew envious. Every one wanted to take perfection for themselves. So they quarrelled, and they fought. Every voice became so loud that soon the mirror shattered. The broken pieces fell, and landed, and became children.

There was weeping when people saw the jagged pieces. But then finally, one looked upon the world and said, "See? Look at these jagged pieces of perfection. Look at the shapes you have created - every one as intricate and as different as a snowflake. These children. Can't you see that they are beautiful?"

#2

A dragon sleeps inside his head. It sleeps through the day, scaly chest rising and falling - slow, controlled, and occasionally even comforting.

But sometimes it stirs. Sometimes it wakes and stretches, or breathes a little fire, takes up all the space that had once been his thoughts. It ambles, creeps behind his eyes. Then finally it settles.

Even when it sleeps, it never goes away.

#3 (a little less metaphorical, perhaps.)

(A bit of background -- Colin likes Electra)

The Moon shone full as both sat on the seaside cliff. "Blue," said Electra.

"Yes," Colin agreed. The sea was such a deep, dark blue that night, it was bordering on black. His eyes traced a path from the Moon to the ocean's surface.

A large, shiny beetle struggled across their path. Electra jumped backwards, squealing, hands caught in a frenzied dance. Colin watched the beetle.

She squeals because she's happy, he reminded himself. Remember happy?

He did remember happy. And sad, angry -- afraid. Afraid was when the ground opened beneath him, when his head was caught in a sandstorm, when nothing happened as it should. Strange things would fly overhead. They buzzed in his ears and he would crouch low, screw up his eyes to stop himself from seeing, and block his ears to stop himself from hearing.

#4

Electra's hair is the colour of fire. Sometimes burning orange, sometimes hot gold. It is loose over her shoulders, and slightly tattered at the ends. And when she is excited, her fingers dance.

Colin likes flame. It dances on the hearth, like Electra's hands. And he sits - still as a rock, and watches. He sits so close that he feels the heat travel through his nose and waft around inside him.

He sways in time to the pulsing beat of the fire. He does not laugh, but takes a moment to study the feelings rising within him.

Happy.

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To anyone who managed to get through all of that... Comments??

"But when the island is threatened, the people of the tower intend to abandon its inhabitants to their fate. So they must resist in order to survive."

I really like it, but I'm a bit confused on this last part.
What is it they are resisting? What iabout the fate of proceeding on their own is so scarey?

I'm going to show your writing to Hrick.  Hopefully it will help him understand descriptive writing better. Thanks.   Mom

Sounds interesting, and a lot better than some of the books out there today. I'd buy it. =)

The plot is brilliant. I hope it will be on a reading level accessible to 5-9th graders. They could learn so much about AS from it.

You really have a lot of imagination!, i've enjoyed these writings, only a question,, of what is threatened the island? you don't need to tell me if that will ruin the plot

Like I said, so far I only have a slender skeleton of a plot so far. I'm toying with a few ideas at the moment -- possibly a natural disaster, or possibly the overseers of the island society want to destroy it. At the moment I'm really waiting for ideas to germinate, in that regard.

PS Thanks everyone for your comments. One of the reasons I wanted to share this here is that it feels like an important thing for me to write and because I don't know of anyone who's more critical of autistic characters than other autistics.

I really like it, you're really good at writing. I hope you'll publish it some day, I'll read it definately.

I really like the exerpts you have provided. It makes me curious. I would certainly be interested in reading more. You have an interesting writing style, capturing small details.  As a writer myself, I always think criticism is best left to when you have actually finished writing the story. Otherwise there is always the possibility that the story will get lost amongst trying to change it to suit the critics. Better to write your story first and fix it up afterwards.  

Not sure if you need some writing planning books, but Stephen King's book On Writing is good, as well as The Comic Toolbox by John Vorhaus

Who are the people of the tower? Are they human? How did the Aspies get to the island? I get the feeling that they were discarded there, dumped. That they are unwanted by someone.

This is all good stuff, esp. the bit about the dragon. It took me 3 reads before I could grasp what it was about. ;-)